so awhile back my boyfriend of like a year and a half broke up with me. i took it pretty well because we were still friends and that's what i wanted, was to continue to be friends with him because he is like my best friend, and other than that i only have a few other closer friends. well last night i got a text message from his phone saying "hey not to be rude but could you please stop texting my boyfriend. you two broke up now he is with me." i knew it wasn't serious because he told me he wasn't going to date again for awhile, but it kind of made me upset because it seemed like someone was with him that didn't like me for some reason and so they decided to play a mean joke on me. he said he didn't have anything to do with it and that he might have an idea who did it but he won't tell me who. and then he said that he actually doesn't want me to text him or call him as much anymore. this upset me too because i felt like he was saying he didn't want to be my friend anymore. so if i don't have him as my best friend then i don't really have anyone to talk to since i always talked to him about things when i was upset. that scares me that i don't have anyone to talk to about stuff. it makes me feel like a loser. a loser that no one likes. and i don't know why people don't like me because i never talk about anyone behind their backs. i am a shy person but i can't help that. people may think i am stuck up but i am just shy and don't have anything to say. but anyways i was upset and crying and he didn't seem to care. he was saying jokes about stuff that was not funny, just more upsetting. this made me even more upset because he didn't really seem like a friend i could talk to anymore. and i just don't know what to do anymore. i wish i had more friends. i am going to be gone for a semester but when i get back next year it's going to be scary. one of my other closest friends will have graduated and wont' be there anymore. he will still be there but if things keep going like they are he probably won't even want to hang out with me anymore. i guess it could be like they were when i first went to college. didn't know anyone so i had to make all new friends. meet new people all the time. it is sort of like that but also sort of not because i already know a lot of the people at my college, and a lot of them i can't stand and i don't think i would even want to be friends with them. it seems like i don't fit in anywhere. sometimes i think it would be better to transfer somewhere to start all over fresh but then i think that i have only one more year left so why not just get it over with and then move on to something else? i am just afraid of where my life is going to go after i get done with college. i don't know what i am going to do with my major (art). and since i don't have any friends right now i probably won't have many more when i get out of school. and i am just afraid that i won't find a boyfriend ever again. sure i am kind of good looking but i hate my personality. i hate that i am so shy and i don't know how to get over it. it's always going to come back to haunt me. i need a boyfriend though to help me get over the last one. i am still not over him and i think it will take awhile to get over him. ok well i guess that's enough for one entry. if you made it this far then great! sorry for boring you. |
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