I have a new baby that is going to be coming soon. Though when soon is exactly I don't know but what I do know is he better get here within the next two weeks or they will induce me which I am not too excited about. I am really excited about this but I will admit I am a little worried as well about it. I don't know a part of me is still afraid that I will be a bad mother but after witnessing what my sister has been and is going through with her son I have pretty much learned what I am not or what I am going to do with mine and Sean's son. Though a part of me feels that my sister is like trying to punish the whole household because she pick a complete a**hole to have a kid with and has ended up having to raise the kid on her own. I will have to admit I am glad I picked a decent guy to have a kid with. At least he is devoted to being a good father and being there for his son.
I really can't wait for Sean Jr. to be born. It has been a long hard run for both me and his father but we have stuck together through it which has really made me happy. I do fear a little bit of going into postpartum depression but I have been talking with a few people and I know I have a good support team behind me so that fear hasn't really bothered me that much.
I currently live with 7 people which has it's ups and downs. An up to that is that I will have someone around to talk to or vent to when I need to talk about something that is bothering me or if I feel that I am screwing up as a mother, and a down would be that is does get a little crowded and loud around here when everyone is home, especially when my nephew (who is 2 months and 6 days of age) is particularly fussy but at least I have been getting my practice in before Sean Jr. gets here which has helped the "baby fears" kind of go away.
When I first saw my nephew it hit me that I didn't feel like I was ready for this and that being a mom was going to be a HUGE step for me. I really didn't feel like I was up for the task of being a mother and that it was too soon for me. I was afraid that I would treat my son like I treated my bunny, that it would all be fun and exciting at first but then I would lose interest in the baby and start neglecting him and then the state would come and take him away and I would not be able to handle that, but as time went on and I got to spend time with my nephew and I talked to a few people and realized that it isn't going to be the same as when I had my bunny and that it would be very different. I have realized that I am going to respond to every cry. So I am not afraid so much anymore. |
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