DeVisualise Add Fave Search
Not Logged In
Your Username:
Your Password:

[ sign up | recover ]

Just a bunch of Musings from Canadian eh?
by MP

previous entry: A Mother's Lesson To Her Teen

next entry: Typing speed etc EDIT

Trying to book the shot and other things plus photo of late friend Mike


I am trying to book my Covid shot at Suoerstore 

I wish COVID would finally fuck off for the last time. And another thing why COVID vaccines can't be created where it can be done once a year instead of every 6 months. 


I am not rushing to get the vaccine since I had COVID a month ago now. 

Tomorrow and this Sunday will be 3 weeks since Mike died and was buried still cannot believe he is still gone this shouldn't have had to happen it wasn't supposed to happen. If only Mike had not Jaywalked and if that stupid motorcyclist that hit Mike was not speeding Mike would still be alive. If only I was there in the late afternoon of September 14, I could have possibly deterred Mike from Jaywalking,, he usually listened to me. 


God what was Mike thinking for him to decide to Jaywalk where he would risk his life to do so what was so damn important that he could not bother walking a block or two to the nearest designated crosswalk. He shouldn't have Jaywalked why did Mike have to Jaywalk in such an unbelievably bad busy intersection? I am still a bit mad about it.

I cannot believe it's been a month ago the 14th was to have been the very last time I would hear from Mike by phone and unknown to me that phone call would have also been the very last time I would ever hear from him. A month ago, on the 14th in the afternoon, there was his accident, and nobody had seen nor predicted such an accident would happen to Mike if ONLY he had not JAYWALKED!  Or been hit by the speeding motorcyclist that hit him. I really thought Mike was smarter than that not to Jaywalk but it's too late now and he made that careless decision and because of that decision he will never come bsck. 


My concern as time and years go by that my memories of Mike as well as the memory of the sound of his voice will fade and disappear.   

I feel eerie when I think about Mikes now empty apartment and how he isn't there anymore. I get this vision in my mind how Mike would walk into his now empty apartment and wonder what happened to all of his stuff and other belongings. And I know Mike would had been angry more like enraged if he knew his 2 younger siblings threw out everything he owned. In fact, I just found out from Mikes  younger sister Jennifer that she got rid of Mikes cell phone due to the fact that it wasn't charging very well. And I still cannot believe Mikes laptop which was thrown out despite it was only 3 years old and I wanted it to have something of Mikes to remember him by. You see, Mine was a very bad hoarder he suffered from hoarding which is a mental illness. So when Mikes apartment was finally cleaned out everything was thrown out into the the 3 large trash bins provided by 1-800 JUNK. It just boggles me how was it possible to just throw away a perfectly good HP laptop without checking. All I know is that Mike would had been pissed if he found out his laptop was thrown away. However, since Mike is now home he won't be able to get angry about anything anymore. And Mike had a major anger issue though so whenever Mike got angry one would not want to be around him and it would be a hell of a time trying to calm him down. 

Christmas and my birthday this year will not be the same without having Mike to exchange Christmas gifts and to celebrate my birthday and Christmas together. 

Another thing even if by chance if Mike were still alive from Jaywalking  on that day of his accident and if I have seen or known about it I would have given him royal shit for doing so., but then again Mike would have most likely shrugged it off and would think of it not being so important if he Jaywalked.  Mike lost his chance of having a kidney transplant to have a better and second chance in life but NO! He decided to be stupid and careless by throwing his life away by Jaywalking. And I hate Mike for it. 

NOTE: one of my first 2 previous entries about Mike is written and posted on here just look for them if you want to know more about Mike and his life including about his accident etc. Also Mike were strictly platonic relationship wise as well there was never anything physical that had occurred within our relationship. 

Ever since Mike died, I had this fear that Mikes's ghost or spirit was going to haunt me in some way.  I am surprised I had not yet ended up dreaming about Mike while I am sleeping. 

Ever since Mike died I have to remind myself to never go ahead of the temptation to ever Jaywalk because then I start to remember what happened to Mike. 

On the bottom of this entry will be an old photo of Mike taken with my old late cat Scampie whom Mike loved to pieces, whereas he nicknamed the cat either, "The Beast", or "'The Predator of B.C. Housing: 

I had my phone therapy session this past Monday with my therapist, and we talked about Mike. To be honest, I don't know when or how long, or how I will ever get over the fact that Mike is gone. 

On to other things. 
I hate it when I hear a song in my head and want to play the song by ear but can't because I don't have my own piano to try playing it. Right now, the song Barbie Girl by Aqua is playing in my head and I hate it by not being able to start playing the song to get it out of my head. I can always go to my mums place and use the piano in her rec room, but I feel too lazy to get on the bus to just go there for an hour to play piano.  

My niece Kristina and her about-to-be husband had set a wedding date for July 27, 2024, at Manning Park. I was invited of course to go but I most likely would not be able to go due to financial reasons because I cannot afford 2 days' hotel accommodation plus transportation to go there and back home. Plus food before and after the wedding, plus buying an outfit and shoes to wear for the wedding since I do not own and dress pants or even a dress in my closet.  And finally having to pay somebody to take care of Wikki such as placing him at a Kennel. If I manage to get a part-time job before the wedding, then maybe there's a slight chance I can go but if not, my niece Kristina understands. Also, my mother who is 85 may not be able to attend either because I cannot see her being able to drive for 3 hours up to Manning Park plus pay over $200 dollars to stay for at least 3 nights in a hotel. If my mother and I did end up coming to the wedding, we probably would have ended up camping in her mini  van which I will not be going if my mother decides to camp inside her heat-infested 20-something-year-old minivan. 

I have no plans for Halloween I never do and it's not like I can afford to get a costume even if it's from Value Village so the only Halloween plan I have is to get the COVID vaccine and hope my mum can go with me since I know I would seriously chicken out if I went alone and it makes me feel anxious because I am scared of how I would react after the first few minutes after the shot. Although not looking forward to having an extremely painful armpit the next day like the last 2 times and the fever. 

That's it for now so here below as promised is an old photo of my late friend Mike I found on his Instagram. It's an old photo of him with my late old cat Scampie. The photo was taken around maybe 2014 or 2015. 

 In Memory of Michael (Mike) Howard, Hoffman


September 8, 1961 - September 22, 2023  




previous entry: A Mother's Lesson To Her Teen

next entry: Typing speed etc EDIT

1 like, 1 comment

[ | add comment ]

Add Comment

Add Comment

Please enter the following WHITE digits in the box below.

Confirmation Code

Death can really make you think about the after life. I know I did.
I'm sorry for the loss of Mike
and for all his things to get thrown out like that is heartless.
I hope you find peace knowing that he is okay where he is now.

[septemberocioStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Online Friends
Offline Friends