Hey. I'm wasted. I'm not happy about it. I'm at the point in a night of drinking where your brain has come to enough to realize that the last few hours of nostalgic memories, music and texting has not been worth it. Well, one of them might. In the long term, but my body isn't going to be dealing with the long term tomorrow.
I've bee drunk for the better part of six hours. That's quite a feat. I'm almost 33 years old, and while I'm not "feeling it", per se, I don't feel 19 anymore, either. Hell, I'm typing this on my phone rather than lying down so I don't have to see whether or not I'm drunk enough to vomit. THAT is the worst. Here, feel like you'll never breath again. And cough. Joy... Also, hate whatever you last ate for years... Ugh.
Anyway. The rant is also based on stupid feelings. That thing with the girl I was writing about didn't work out. I don't know why. Only things I can figure is either I burp when I'm nervous (new development, beats me), or I said I wouldn't have sex with her til a month in (an old rule I made for myself that I'm increasingly feeling is dumb). Regardless, I've been thinking about an old flame for a while now. Not gonna do anything about it; she's married, and I'm not a home wrecker, but I'm left with the feeling that God set me up to be with her three times and I said no to them all. Then, after years more experience, I realized what she showed me was real, unadulterated love, and I ran from it because, frankly, it scared me. My loss, his gain, but man, if I could to back, maybe both our lives would be better. I know I'd be happier... I like to think she'd have better health because she wouldn't have gone through all the shit she did with other guys, and maybe we'd have the ideal thing. I'd be a Conservative, which would be bad, but maybe I'd be happier. Maybe she'd be happier.
I'm waiting on an enrolment date from the military, and I'm here, whoosy beyond belief, thinking about what coulda been. Yeesh.
Some things never change...