So, I've never felt more betrayed in my life.

So, you all remember how I wrote in a previous entry that my best friend and I told each other that we liked each other? Well, we agreed that we didn't wanna date because of our friendship. But I lied to him when I said I didn't wanna be with him. So, instead of me going to him and telling him how I really felt. I went to my "friend" Marissa. I put the quotes, because....well you'll see as I write on...

I completely spilled my heart out to her, telling her how badly I liked Jaymz [I call him Jinx, which he's getting it tattoo'd on his knuckles.] Telling her how badly I wanted to really be with him because I felt like we connect so well together. We always look out for each other, protect each other. Pick each other up when we're down. We have so much in common and we've both been really hurt in the past. When Jared broke up with me, I was a wreck and Jaymz was there for me, reassuring me that I deserve way better and that he'll kick his ass and when I would constantly think about Jared, Jaymz said "Do you think he's thinking about you, and how you're feeling?" I would say "no.." and he would reply with "Then don't even give him the time of day. Don't think about him because you are worth so much more than that Aut, he's a piece of shit and low life dick."

Not that no one ELSE was there for me when Jared broke up with me, Jes was there for me through the last year of my relationship. I always went to her to complain about Jared and cry to her if he made me cry. And she'd be like "Don't worry baby, as soon as you move here, I'mma set you up with a guy who'll treat you like a princess "


But, ANYWAY.
Onto the rest of my story...since I seem to have wandered off.
But last night, Jinx texted me saying "Aut, can I ask you something."
So out of instinct, I was like "you can ask me anything."
So he texts me back saying....
"Would you mind if I dated Rissa?"

..................................................................................

I never wrote back to that text, because my heart sank when I read it.
Then today, I signed on MSN when I got home from Emily's house, Since I slept over there last night. And I IMed Jinx, and was like 'go date Rissa'

and we got into this huge conversation, he was asking me if I was sure, and I just kept telling him there's nothing I can do about it, and I told him to just be happy. He kept telling me that he felt so terrible. Because RISSA opened her big fucking mouth and told him EVERYTHING I've ever said to her about Jinx. And I told him not to feel bad. Because it's something HE wants. and of course...
I'M LYING

I was crying at that point, and he was like "Autumn I can't date you, your my very best friend."
and he said he was worried about me, and I told him not to worry, that I'mma big girl. and he said
"Your muh biffle, I got to worry about you and look after you."

I just told him to do what makes him happy.
He was like 'At least you know Rissa, ya know?"

Yeah, that's the THING.
SHE WAS MY FRIEND
And fucking KNEW how I felt about Jaymz. And she goes and does this.
"Rissa is concerned about you Aut, she doesn't want you mad at her"

FUCK THAT.
I'm fucking livid at her, she betrayed me.
I'm not mad at Jaymz at all, because he CAME TO ME AND ASKED ME.
and fucking made sure I was okay, stayed there and TALKED to me about it.
She doesn't have the fucking balls to IM me or even tell me about it.
OR EVEN ASK ME IF IT'S OKAY.

Fuck Rissa.
Fuck you, you fucking little cunt.

Jes is gonna rip her apart for me.

Rissa's lost a good friend.