I sit here in disbelief that my life is very much unraveling right in front of my eyes.... my worst nightmare became a reality... what I wouldn't give to trade places with you.... I wish I never received that call that they found you unresponsive. How the fuck does that even happen in a nursing home?... Stupid fucking nurses keeping you off the ventilator... I'll hold every bitch ass person accountable in that fucked up place. Vibra will be held accountable for your death. You was so close to coming home.... I'm so fucking sorry mom. I failed you. I should have never left you alone. We should have all been taking turns sleeping up there with you making sure they put you on the fucking ventilatior and taking notes... I'm sorry... I should have pulled you out of vibra the second they didn't change your trach and let you fall out of bed... I totally failed you and I know that. I should have trusted my gut instinct but I thought I was just overreacting... clearly I wasn't. I can not fucking believe I'm about to watch you take your last breath.... I can not face this world without you... I fucking need you.... when I was at your bed side on the left side earlier and I was telling you that your organs are shutting down and we're calling hospice in to make you comfortable bc your dying... you heard my voice crack and how upset I was... it took all your strength but you reached up and tried wrapping your arm around me.... I couldn't hold back my tears any longer... I completely lost it. Your nurse seen you hug me and she also cried. That took all your strength. You was trying to comfort me on your death bed. That's how giving you were. I hate that we fought months before you got so sick. That's a regret I have to live with for the rest of my fucking life. I wish I could take that stupid petty fight back......
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