guhhh i almost got pregnant

04/30/2009

im so sick of being upset about jason. every single time i think im ok, i see him.

i didnt go to class on tuesday, i didnt go to any of my classes today, and my class tomorrow is cancelled. fucking longest weekend ever.

quite a few interesting things happened. ill break them up into smaller paragraphs so you dont have to read everything if you dont want haha




-Nick and Tyler come to visit and i get pregnant....-

so... we go over to pauls (tyler lives in vt, but his cousin goes to school here. i met these kids through my roommate) i used to hook up with paul.. and i have hooked up with nick a few times.
so i thought it would be awkward with all of us being in the same room hanging out hah but it really wasnt at all.
paul had a girl over and she was really funny and stuff so i didnt feel uncomfortable. we smoked and drank a little. and then we came back to the room to hang out and drink more.
tessa and tyler left to leave me and nick alone for a bit
we had the best sex ever. like usual. nick is really funny. i like him. its too bad he lives in vt or else i would date him.

so.. we used condoms because i screwed up with my birth control the last week. and we had to use like.. 3 because they kept getting gross and dry. and finally we couldnt find any more.. and so he was like. come on, let me just put it in.....HA and i said no for a good 15 minutes. and i was like IM NOT GOING TO GET PREGNANT> ABSOLUTELY NOT. YOU WILL WEAR A CONDOM
he was like.. yeah but i just want to fuck you all night long.
ughhh he is sooo good in bed. he doesnt have a small dick. its a little above average, but not as big as James's, but he still knwos how to use it.
anyway, so i gave in. and he was like dont worry ill pull out.


what does he do?
he cums in me.

and for some reason...we didnt do anything about it. i wasnt like WHAT THE FUCK. he didnt even TRY to pull out lol...he was a little drunk..so maybe he just forgot? i dont know what i was thinking...
so this morning i went to health services and got the morning after pill. i should be fine.

nick was going to buy me breakfast. but i took him to the dining hall instead hahaha. before he left, we picked paul up at work and went on a burn cruise.
as they were leaving to go back to vt, nick slipped a little bag of weed with a couple nugs in my pocket. i was like AH! thats fucking awesome. it was pretty cute.

oh hahah i forgot that while we were having sex.. he looks at me and he goes "I THINK I LOVE YOu" ahhahah which is funny becuase i dont really know him that well. but i think he said it meaning holy shit this is awesome.

i like him. he is a really good kid.




-Garbe gets on stage, HAMMERED, and preforms-
most of my guy friends are in lambda chi. its greek week here, so one of the sororities planned a dance competition for the fraternities and such. it was a school event, where the frats were able to win points for their houses.
the first 2 couples were actually really really good. they did legit dances.

my friend Garbe, from lambda, gets on stage...i didnt know he was drunk.. but before the music even started he started doing this fucking weird ass dance and like.. jumping around making a complete fool of himself. it was really hilarious, but everybody was like UHH WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING. it wasnt just a funny dance, it was like.. after he chugged half a handle of zhenka kind of dance.
he basically fell off the stage and afterwards i went up to him and was like... how drunk are you right now.
he couldnt even talk.
all he did was pick me up and put me in a corner and wouldnt let me out and he just kept grabbing my boobs and my butt and like....fucking humping me. and richie had to pull him off of me.
and we walked him home. he was siiiinggging the whollle way. making the biggest ass of himself. but it was pretty funny.



-saw jason and now im depressed again-
we were standing outside of murkland after the show. smoking butts. and jason walked out looking sexy. obviously. and he looks at me and i go "oh hey!"and he goes "whats up" and just..kept walking. i dont even think i got a smile.

why cant i just fucking be done with this.
why am i torturing myself.





anyway, so the rest of the night was good
cam, eddie, devin, devin and sean....all my zeta boys....came to hang out in the room for a bit and do some drinking.
cam looked so fucking hot tonight.
as he always does haha.. i have such a crush on him. but not in the way that im nervous around him. at all.. he is basically just my friend... that i would give dome to. not have sex.



im going home tomorow. 330 train.
my mommy is going to take me shopping this weekend! hehe
im going to have dinner with my roommates grandmother...who by coincidence, lives in the town next to me. and im going to have dinner with my grandparents

and amanda, my best friend in the whole fucking world, is going to be home. and we are going to smoke. and go to highschool parties, becuase none of our friends are home lol
whatever. im just excited to get high with someone that appreciates my weirdness.


i feel like crying right now.
danielle didnt know who jason was. and so we were sitting on my bed. she was on my left and cam and sean were on my right. i was trying to casually show her who he was on facebook lol and sean was like "oh yeah youre lookin at my boy jason" and then cam goes "OOO LAUreN!" he said something else...but i cant remember what
and i go "no he doesnt like me anymore" and cam was like oh. sorry. i take it back then.
and i really really felt like i was going to cry.




suuuuck it up.
im such a baby.


i wish nick was back here to snuggle me. i like sleeping next to him. i dont really LIKE him, but he is comforting and funny. and awesome in bed. aaaand he has sexy arms and shoulders.