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Stay Sane.
by --Heather

previous entry: Pork... it's whats for dinner

next entry: Regret

Fallout/breakdown

11/19/2012

Shit went down. I'm pretty distressed. But I'll get to that in a minute.

In my college classroom you have to create dicussion posts for a grade, then you have to reply to two other students. One of the students replied to mine, and I swer I want to slap some people. First off, I am in ethics which means we write about controversial subjects. The classroom is not a forum to make others feel bad. It is to open minds and points of views. One of the subjects was to write about something legal that should be illegal, or vice-versa, or something that is taboo that shouldn't be. I wrote about abortion (why wouldn't I? No one else did.) I wrote about why it's good, not about womens rights and blah blah blah. We all know that argument. I wrote about the welfare deficit, the unwanted children, the pains of adoption (yes, it's good too), and if there were no abortions-there would be a shit-ton more people on welfare. I also wrote about how medicaid should pay for the ONE TIME $500 cost of abortions as opposed of the health care costs and food stamps to raise a child for 18 years. Not saying get rid of the latter, but you know. I actually had an idot come and write to me "Does that mean we should kill off the mentally and physically disabled because they are a financial burden on someone else?" Uhh, WHAT? I just replied, "Since those are living people viable outside of the womb and fetus' are not past 26 weeks, the arguments are not the same. Sorry, I cannot properly answer your question." I lso saw him comment on an ANTIabortion post about how all women that have abortions are baby murderers. Fucking really? I hope he fails for being aa close-minded twit.

Another reply I got, a man was stating that our problem isn't abortion, it's the education that's lacking on sex and birth control. Which I totally agree and had brought up in my original post. He then went on to write about sexual in-you-windows. *bangs face on keyboard* ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!? (It's like in one of the last weeks someone wrote about the "hippo" law....) GUYS. We have almost completed our first year of college courses. If you are unsure of the proper spelling of innuendos or HIPAA, do yourself a favor to NOT look like a jackass and utelize google! It's a beautiful thing! I google EVERYTHING!! Please PLEASE I don't want to deal with dipshits anymore. Anyone else go through this?



I talked to my brother on the phone Saturday. We had a five minute conversation in which he cut me off, talked over me, and tried to convince me (ahem... himself) about how well he was doing. Apparently he has his license. He has never had his license before, so I thought in Arizona he had to get a permit first. And he has a bank account, because he had $700 saved oreviously but "let's not get into where I got it from" and he has his own cell phone and two jobs lined up.

I then asked him, "Have you talked to anyone else in the family?" He started going OFF about our mom saying that he wrote her apologizing and she never wrote him back so FUCK her and if anything different is said she's a FUCKING liar. Then he said, "I'm gonna go" and I hung up. So I called mom. She wrote him four letters she said. In his letter he told her he didn't need a mother he needed a friend. And every reply she had to that came out wrong and she was planning a wedding on top of that.

Vincent is very quick to place blame. You have to be careful what you say to him, because he is always the victim, and doesn't take accountability. Nothing is his fault. I've told him sraight up that I won't pussyfoot around him and he said he didn't expect me to. So I don't. Apparantly that only applies while he is in prison.

In our conversation I also suggestion counseling or something of that sort. Apparently he doesn't need that. Because you can get released from prison after three years and be just fine and not want to use or be angry or laa-di-fucking-da. Douche.

So after we hung up, he sent me this text, "Sorry I just know what happened and you don't so it is what it is. Later." I replied with, "I'm sorry you feel I overstepped my bounds. A part of healing is mending healthy relationships, and you're not understanding that. I am doing my best to mend relationships with you, dad, and mom. I'm sorry you don't want to find out her side. I really had a whole persona ictured for you when you got out and I've obviously failed myself because you aren't who I thought you were. I still want to work on our relationship but you need to step back and take a look at how that convo just went. I only asked about family. Good luck with everything since you seem to have it figured out. love you." And he replied: "Yup obviously you don't realize I don't give a crap about you people who didn't care about me when I was down and out everyone left me but but dad Granny and Ernie when I was locked up so fuck the J*****'s." (my & moms last name)

It kills me to re-write that.

I replied: "What? I showed you how much I cared. I wrote you, sometimes twice because you wouldn't wrote me back. How did I not care? You have to realize I have two kids I take care of too and one on the way. Thanks for understanding I have a life." Then mom texted me some stuff, so I forwarded it: "From mom, not that you care: Tell him, that I am sorry I didn't keep in touch, but I wrote 4 letters and everytime I re-read it, it came out wrong. I also have a full time job and I was planning a wedding on top of that. Tell Vince I love him. I am sorry he is angry. But anger is not going to help, but will only hurt in the end."

No reply from him.

So I texted my dad saying some evil mean shit and told him he needed to call me the next morning. If he didn't call me he was out of my life.

He called. I pushed him to get my brother into counseling. Nope, my dad wants to enable Vincent until he fucking dies I guess, because apparently there was nothing wrong with the way he treated me and he doesn't need anger management or NA and "everything just fine".

I can't do this anymore. My dad and my brother are peices of shit. I hate them. My dad favors my brother so much and he is the biggest peice of shit in the world.

This is killing me. I hate to wrote them out but what choice do I have? I can't be hurt anymore. So, I gotta email my dad after I block their numbers and tell him what life's gonna be like now. Take your peice of shit criminal son and your daughter who is GOING SOMEWHERE IN LIFE wants nothing to do with you because you made your choice. You chose Vincent. I'm out.





EDIT: THE EMAIL.

I'm just writing to let you know, I'm bowing out of you and vince's side of the family. I am DONE. You and Vncent have hurt me for the last fucking time.

Are you dellusional??? You THINK Vincent is FINE? You're an idiot! both of you! HELLO! I am training to be a mental health proffessional, but what the fuck do I know? Someone can NOT spend three years in prison and be a productive member of society. But since y'all know best, I just don't know what I am talking about, right?

And to try and BLAME that fucking conversation on me, as if I did something wrong... FUCK YOU. I asked a question about NOBODY in particular and your idiot son thinks it's okay to talk to me like that? AND YOU STAND UP FOR HIM???? When's the last time you stood up for me? Hmm? Oh, probably NEVER. If Vince did something, it was okay, if I did a minor version of the same thing? I GOT YELLED AT!!!!

I swear to god and all that is fucking holy- IF YOU BREATHE ANOTHER NEGATIVE WORD ABOUT MY MOTHER TO ANYONE YOU ARE DAMNED TO GO TO HELL. SHE was the parent, not YOU! You don't parent by throwing money at someone and sending them on their way FYI. You teach them VALUES and MORALS and look what you taught your son! NOTHING. TO BE A CRIMINAL. To push his girlfriend down the stairs. To BE A DOUCHE TO HIS SISTER.

Fuck you. Fuck both of you. I WILL RAISE MY KIDS UNLIKE YOUR DEADBEAT SON, get my COLLEGE EDUCATION unlike your career criminal peice of shit, and GET ON WITH MY LIFE. YOU are NOT in it! Neither is Vincent, YOUR MOTHER, or anyone else.

I hate you. I really hate you for doing this to me. You win. You broke up my family you fucking asshole. I hate you so much. Vincents all yours. I'm all moms. I'm done. Never contact me.


previous entry: Pork... it's whats for dinner

next entry: Regret

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