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Stay Sane.
by --Heather

previous entry: 1985: The year I met the devil

next entry: The "popular" diary rant

*Bangs face on keyboard*

10/03/2012

Shits been busy. We leave on the 11th. That's a week from tomorrow.

For those of you who don't know, I am off to Pennslvania to not only attend, but to be maid of honor in, my mom's wedding.

First, I am going to list the shit i have been busy doing. Then I am going to tell you all why I am not looking forward to this/why I disagree with this wedding.

Okay, so not only am I in this wedding, David is the ring bearer. I had to find this child a suit. Yesterday. On a $45 budget. Yeah. I went to the Arc, which is like Goodwill, and found a dress shirt, slacks, and shoes for David, and a white dress shirt for Tyler. Then, off to find the jacket/blazer. Holy hell that was rough! I went to Goodwill, TJ Maxx, Target, Walmart, and every department store in the mall. The only place that I even found them was at JC Penney and Macy's, which thwy wanted between 40-70 bucks for them! WHAT THE FUCK!! I got home at 2 pm, which it was way past lunch and nap time, and said fuck it. I called my mom, and she was all like, "Why are you stressing? I'll look here." And she freakin found one at a thrift store. Whew.

A few days ago, I had to dig my luggage out of the storage closet. Please, someone punch me in my fucking face if I ever decide to do that again. I forgot how much heavy lifting was required to get that shit out of the waaay back. I thought I was gonna puke/miscarry. I'm fine, baby is fine, dumb idea though. I should have asked Daniel to do it.

I had a ton of phone calls to make today! I called the pediatrician, and they wanted me to come in the 11th! Figures. Got it set for the 18th. Check.

Called Nook. Talked to two different Indian guys. (yay!) They never shipped my fucking Nook. He cleared it today and it will ship tomorrow. Should be here by the 11th at the latest. Greeeat. The day I leave. Wonderful. I'm hoping it comes earlier (Between the 9th and the 11th) but knowing my luck... I'll have my neighbor keep an eye out. Check.

Called the school. Let them know about David's leave of absence. Check.

Called a property manager. Here's the deal, Daniel was short on OT last week, and that put us short about 120.00 on rent. He wants to say "Fuck the rent" and put it towards a new place. Since our landlord never even took down our SSN's or DL #'s, I don't see him suing us or evicting us. My neighbor above me did it. She told him to take it out of the deposit, and he said okay. Now, I think this is the DUMBEST idea ever. We have a big ass brand new Vizio in our room. I told him to pawn that shit. He doesn't think we will get enough for it, and doesn't want to pawn it. Plus, I'm not wanting to leave the house unattended for a week with the rent unpaid. And we will be missing out on a week's pay, so we will be short for the month. PLUS, I don't wanna deal with the landlord over this shit. I don't really know what to do. Wait, nevermind. Daniel just had me call some pawn shops, I'll get 195.00 for the PS and the TV. Whew. I gotta take that shit to Greeley tomorrow. i have NO IDEA how I am going to get a 42" in the pawn shop, but oh well, I'll figure it out.

Now, the wedding. I don't want to go. I'm afraid that it is going to be so overrun with drama that I am going to have a miserable time. That, and they don't know I'm pregnant. I don't plan on telling them right away. Yes, I realize that I am 27 and should be excited for my family to know, but they won't view it as a good thing. My mom will tell me to abort or something like she did when I was pregnant with David. I don't know, she's judgmental. And lets be honest. I have two kids by two different dads. This will be baby number three by baby daddy number three, of COURSE it looks bad on paper. But Daniel is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, no doubt.

Another thing, my Mom came out of the closet when I was twelve. As in, she was gay. Okay, she didn't come out of the closet so much as I found her doin' a 300 lb woman and she had to fess up. Can you imagine how traumatized I was! Anyway I will write about the later in one of my dirty laundry entries. So, for 15 years she talks about how much men disgust her and how sleeping with girls is the way to go, the gay friendly bumper stickers on the family mini-van, so on. Keep in mind, I was in Phoenix, a teenager, and was riduculed for my Mom to be so openly gay. But you know what? I took it, and not only did I take it, I fought for her. I took so much bullshit and stood up for her because she was my MOM.

A few years ago, I talked to her on the phone. Let me start off by saying I have this thing in me where I just know things. I'll have a dream or a strong thought and know it has happened or is going to happen. It's like a psychic ability, but I don't control it and it happens only once every few years. My grandma has it too. Anyways, I had a dream my mom was dating a guy. I called her and told her about the dream, and she says, "Really... weird.... Uh I have something to tell you... I've been dating a guy named Brian for five months." I asked her why she "converted" and she said that there were no gay people back east. Uhh. Dude. Ze Gayz are EVERYWHERE! WTF?! It's a cop out, she's no telling me whats going on. And no, all of the sudden, she's marrying the guy! Oh, and he's old. My Mom is 47, he is 15 years older than her and LOOKS old. I DON'T GET IT!

Oh, and she is a big advocate on keeping her credit clean. She bought her DREAM Victorian house with a stream and woods in the backyard, I mean she was SO EXCITED about this house. She started renovating it, then met this guy. Stopped the work on her house, moved IN WITH HIM, and stopped paying her mortgage because they had decided that his tiny ass house with only ONE closet and tiny back yard was going to be their marriage home. She fucked her credit because "they" decided they were moving into his house. I don't get it. Her house was way bigger and better. And she is giving me NO ANSWERS! When I ask her stuff like this, she is honest! Something isn't right here.

OH! (can you tell I'm worked up?) Her and Brain decided that MY kids were going to call him Gig (pronounced jidge, which is Grandpa in Polish, his heritage) without even consulting me! David already has his Dad and Nana, His uncles and Aunts, plus a step mother who isnt even with m ex anymore and she still wants to be around, Then he has Me, Daniel, Daniels parents and Daniels nephews, now add GRANDMAS HUSBAND! That's a lot of people to confuse him! And they want him to be grandpa without even asking me? I don't even KNOW this guy!! WITHOUT ASKING ME! That's a big deal!

And she wanted me to call him Dad or Stepdaddy. What the fuck ever. I already have a Dad, the one who didn't even HAVE to be there for me because he isn't even biological, or was never married to my mom, but fucking raised me. Doesn't even have his own kids and never wanted kids but stepped up to us because he loved us. Who, to this day, has been there for me more than my own mom. If I need help, he sends the cash, I can tell him ANYTHING without him lecturing me, he is he best man in the world. The reason why I love Daniel so much is because he has the same qualities my father does.

Okay guys, I'm done writing this entry. It's way too emotional and y'all now it's time for me to stop writing when I'm crying. But, am I overreacting here? Seriously. You can be honest. I'm okay with that.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I forgot, I decided while I was out yesterday and spend 5 bucks to treat myself. Heard of Sally Hansen Nail Effects? I have been DYING to try them and have read good reviews. I know a bottle of polish is cheaper, but I hate keeping up with polish. This shit lasts two weeks! Picture? Sure!



LOVE them! They are awesome! Throw a top coat on them, and they are hard aas a rock. I was afraid they wouldn't stay, but they're still stickin!


previous entry: 1985: The year I met the devil

next entry: The "popular" diary rant

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