I've been sitting here for hours reading this amazing blog on Blogger or BlogSpot or something like that. It is 1:30 AM. While reading, my mind tends to wander. I am bored. Bored, bored, bored. I think about my car accident. The doctors had me on percocet for a long time. I was addicted. I remember the feeling when it would kick in. I would feel nothing. I remember the feeling of floating, and going up and down a roller coaster. I haven't had a percocet in a long time. But I want one now.
I remember drinking boxed wine with my friend Jessica. We had our babies two weeks apart. My ex was best friends with her (late) boyfriend (may he RIP). The babies were asleep and me and her were bonding. I had two or three glasses of wine and I felt so... buzzed? Careless? Flighty? It was the best drunken/buzzed feeling ever. Cheap wine. And I am really contemplating keeping a box in the house.
I don't drink though. I don't do any drugs And the fact that I have a impulsive urge to do both is bizarre. I hate boredom. It makes you think. And when I think, just really think, I want to forget or mask these thoughts. Now I know why my best friend drinks. Stay at home mom. Online school. Her boyfriend isn't emotionally there for her. Now, I finally understand.
I don't like to get too deep. But maybe I need to.... because Damn, it feels good. |
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