I See Sparks Fly, Whenever You Smile | 08/25/2011 |
Wow, I just re-read the last entry I posted, and it's funny... so much has changed, yet so much has stayed the same! I'm still in love with him, I honestlly always will be. There is no one else on earth who could ever compare to him. I swear he's like a drug. When he's around I feel high, and happy, and full of life... and when he's not, it's like every part of my body and soul just CRAVES him. I didn't talk to him for 2 months and I thought I had him out of my system... I even started dating someone else. Someone I really thought I could settle for. I mean, if I can't have the man I love, why not just be with one who loves ME, right? Yeah it doesn't work that way... 2 months and he suddenly pops back into my life, and all hell breaks loose in my heart. The second I heard his voice I knew, there will never be anyone else who makes me feel the way he does, and I just cannot settle for something less. I'm out of most of my messed up situation now, but he's not... I think all it would take is for me to secure a decent job and have a place of my own where he could come if he left there, and I really think he'd do it. He tells me that I don't actually "love" him, that I'm infatuated and intrigued by him, but believe me, if I'm ever given the chance to show him, there will be no doubt in his mind how much I love him. Memories of things he's said dance through my head all day, and every time I close my eyes for even a second, there are images of him I'm remembering that are just burnt there like a tv screen that was left on too long... And, the new relationship I was in ended, yesterday. It was for the best... he suddenly started acting all jealous and controlling, but when I stop and think about it, I may have caused a bit of that... but the tendencies were there even before that, and I can't deal with it. Trying to control me is absolutely pointless, and will backfire. I'm trying to force myself to sit here and type this and not to run to where I can talk to him, and it's like going through withdrawals... He's all I've wanted since the day I met him almost a year ago, and I refuse to give up until he's mine. No matter what it takes, whatever it costs, whatever the risk, my life will not be complete until I know he's a permanent part of it. |
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