I am on my knees begging.
Just fix me.
For once just god damn it!
I want one day where I don't have to live off my asthma puffer while I walk down the mall coughing and spluttering,
As my body gets weaker and weaker till I fall to the ground.
I would give anything to be with him in a house with kids,
I know I am holding us back but he is so sweet he blames himself because he doesn't have a job or because he can't get me nice things,
or because I sometimes get upset because he doesn't share enought of himself with me.
He blames himself when he forgets I want to meet his friends or go shooting with him it's soo sweet.
He blames himself when I am just cranky at the world because I can't do what I wan't.
Tonight he had to go home and he didn't want to I have been mad at the world for two days now.
Frustrated just wanting to scream, and he has held me while I cry and look sadly into the the walls.
He holds me while I gasp for breath.
He tells me it's going to work out and I say it back to him.
But tonight, I just want to be fixed, I am meant to be the strong one but no as I sit here I am about to faint from lack of oxygen every time I get emotional it happens.
But I must finish this no ventolin till this is finished I don't care if it's foolish I want to be the strong one I know it won't do any good but I want to fight.
Fuck the world, Jay doesn't understand that I don't think that me geting aggressive and mad me fighting me wanting to fight it's all I have left.
I wish he would just help me fight I don't know get me a punching bag or something and encorouge me to bash the shit out of it till I faint because I need to fight.