Couldn't talk about it.

I broke up with my boyfriend on Thursday. It was the hardest decision I had ever had to make. He was a great guy, treated me like a princess, did everything right, and I just wasn't in love with him. I love him to death and have feelings for him, just as a friend. I cried for almost 12 hours straight. I wish I was eggagerating with that. He's my best friend. My little guy. My Zach. And I took his heart and mushed it up because he was head over heels with me.

We talked on Saturday and we decided to be friends again. He's taking it really well, maybe just for my benefit. Probably just for my benefit.

Needless to say, I havent been really gun-ho about losing weight this weekend, although I haven't eaten much all weekend. All I wanted to do on friday was sleep and cry. I had to get up though and go to work. The girls there made me smile a little and everyone has been real supportive. They all still love Zach as much as I do and when he came down to see my brother get tattooed yesterday, everyone treated him as nothing had happened, which I'm so thankful for not just for his benefit, but selfishly mine as well.

I'd be lying if I didn't say a part of me felt like I made a mistake. I can't ever tell him that or else he'll probably wait for me to see if I did or not and that's not fair to him either. I want him to find a girl who's as much in love with him as he was for mea and vice versa.

I've always taken break ups really well. I guess because i've always been on the receiving end. When you're on that end, you can hold your chin up and say: "Fuck you, your loss." But when you're on the giving, its horrible because you're hurting someone you care about, or did care about as the case may be for some.

Why did he have to be the rebound guy?
At least we're still friends, for now anyway. He said yes way too quickly to being friends and I think he's going to realize all too soon what that means. He needs time away from me, to heel. If he sees me every day, its just going to get worse.

I dont know what to do.