So I have had appointments like crazy with multiple people... I thought starting to get my shit together would help me feel better but in the end I am still very sad and I feel very alone.... Mostly right now cuz mothers day is coming up... I miss Tyler.... It's been 2 n a half years since I've seen him face to face... I still see him on Skype but really what is that? I can't touch him, kiss him... Hold him... God how I long to hold MY son in my arms again... He only knows me by name now... Does he even remember the year we spent together? Does he know that I tried so hard to fight for him, to keep him and to raise him myself? I felt so forced into the adoption... I had no one on my side... Tommy wouldn't even try to help me... WHY? Why wouldn't he try to fight for you? Why wouldn't he try he hardest to hold on to you forever? He felt he only needed to take responsibility for him when he wanted to be around.. Even when he was around, he was abusive to me... In front of him.... God, how fucked up this past 2 years has been, I loose my son and his dad could be in jail and/or prison for a long time... I started this diary thinking that it will help me to release a lot of anger and sadness that I have carried with me now for at least 6 years now.... IDK if it is going to actually help... Or bring up a lot of things that I have rather would have liked to be forgotten forever.... But it is worth a shot... I just hope I can keep up with it this time... LOL I have had at least 3 accounts on here but never seem to remember to write and it gets shut down... Wish me luck!! Well that's all for now, I could go on and on with my problems, but I'll save it for another time... Much Luv!!! |
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