I need to rant. Anyone who doesn't want to hear about it, can just leave now. Thanks.
I am SO sick and tired of living with my mother who thinks she knows SO much better about my child than I do. It doesn't matter what I do with him, it's not enough. If he starts crying about something, it's AUTOMATICALLY my fault that he's crying. As if I'm abusing him or something.
All I did was put him on the toilet to try and get him to take a dump in there instead of in his bloody diaper, and she has to intervene acting like I had just beat the kid with a baseball bat. When I try to discipline him, she steps in and takes over...she babies him. JUST so he won't cry. Because she doesn't like hearing him cry. Well, EXCUSE ME. He's only going on 4. HE'S GONNA CRY! He doesn't like when I put him in his room for being bad? THAT'S TOO DAMN BAD. What does she expect me to do? Tell him it's okay to behave the way he does, and let him go on his regular day without any worries whatsoever?
I don't think so.
And yet, when it came to raising my brother and I...well fuck...let's see...she married a man who had molested me a year before, knowing that he had done this. She allowed the asshole to abuse me for 5 years, and believed him every time he would tell her that I either deserved it, or that I had done it to myself. (i.e. apparently throwing myself down the stairs when really he had actually PULLED me down). Uhm, what else? Telling me at age 10 that I'm worthless just like my father...whom of which I have never met. Telling me when I went through my cutting stage that she was gonna buy me a pack of razors for Easter so I could continue doing it. Oh, and telling me when I was 18 that I DESERVE to die.
Yet, I'm the bad parent because I make my child sit on the toilet to go to the bathroom.
SHAME ON ME.
How dare I try to potty train my kid before he starts school in September. It's not MY fault he isn't trained. I've been trying since before Christmas to get him trained, and he just isn't getting it. So WHY am I getting in shit for this?
WHY am I getting in shit every time he cries about something? Trystan cries about EVERYTHING. Maybe he's going through a stage or something where he feels the need to cry about anything and everything he can think of. I don't know. But it seems that every time he does, the blame automatically goes on me.
Yes, I'm SUCH a horrible parent.
She just quit her job, and isn't doing fuck all to find another one...which means I am supporting her, and my child, all on 1200$ a month...which 935 of that is rent. We never have enough food, because Trystan eats like a pig. 100$ on food never lasts more than a week. And it's just the 3 of us! My mom hardly eats, and I don't eat a lot either...which means it's all Trystan. But yet, my mom continues to spend her entire day sleeping, and then stays up all night on my computer. Oh, and of course, never fails to bitch and complain if I don't get off the computer by a certain time because she's gonna end up staying up all night doing what she needs to do.
Uhm...even when I get off the computer at 10:30-11:00 at night, and go to bed, you STILL stay up till 5 in the morning on Facebook, or Pogo or whatever it is you do.
I HATE IT HERE!!!! And I can't leave. As much as I want to leave, I can't. Because Child Services want me to stay living with my mother for another 6 months.
Oh fucking joy.
I just can't handle all of this anymore. I can't do it. I don't WANT to do it. And yet, I don't have a choice in the matter whatsoever. Don't get me wrong. I love my boy...and I'd die for him. But I can't stand living with my mother.
Hell, I can't stand living with anyone in my family, because NONE of them ever see things from my point of view. As far as they are all concerned, I'm a failure, a disappointment, and will never amount to anything.
FUCK THEM ALL.
I need to find a way around this somehow.
Otherwise, I may just go completely insane.