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Life is like a Highway
by ೋMindy☆

ೋ Letter to my Dad - Age 17

12/07/2018

I miss everything...even though Im mad beyound mad at you. I miss when I was little just befor you dissappeared for thoughs long 10 years. And you'd come pick up Mike,Jess and I,and Donna would be there even though we all didnt like her..we put up with her. We'd make the 2 hour drive from Maryland to Virginia and I used to think it was the longestride ever. And I'd miss Mom as soon as we got to your house and i'd be crying to go home with in a few days of arriving. I miss going to the beach in Virginia,and I miss going to the pool and watching Mike do flush the toliet. And I remember that time i got stuck in one of the bathrooms at the pool and you laughed at me and told Kristie to just tell me to climb under the door,then the time I locked my self in the bathroom a Mommom and Poppops house and by the time you climbed up to the window on the rose trail I figured out how to unlock the door. And I remember the huge house that Aunt Kathy use to have that we use to go to for christmas,and I didn't get along with her kids because they picked on me. And I remember your twin brother who looks nothing like you and always made me laugh because he was fat and bald. And I remember when we went fishing/crabbing and you got fed up and just through the fishing poles into the water and we went home. I miss how you use to come in and sit with me when I'd cry because I missed Mommy and wanted to go home. I remember sitting at the kitchen table eating pepporoni slices while you made pizza,and the time Donna made pigs in a blanket...but it wasnt the kinda Mommy use to make and we all laughed at you because you were sitting there with a fork and knife a napkin tucked in your shirt and Donna set hot dogs on a bun infront of you. I remember how you let me sleep in your room on the floor because I got home sick and couldn't get to sleep on the bunk bed. And the time I slept on the floor and got stuck under Kristies bed and you had to come in and lift it up for me to get out. I remember once you came to pick us up and I was running with my baby doll it the foot came up and knocked my two front teeth out. I remember when you left for Iceland and I cried and cried because I thought I would never see you again,because Mommy wouldn't let us come visit you there,and how mad I was at you for leaving us but you promised you'd write every day..... We got two letters and they stopped comeing...and you were gone. You vanished and my 4 yr old mind was left to wonder why and where you had gone,and why you didn't love me anymore and was it my fault..if Only I hadnt cried to come home to Mommy everytime I came to see you maybe you wouldn't have left me. We tried for 10 years to find you...and then we did,and you skipped the first court trial,and when we finally seen you I wanted to cry because I was hurting so bad,I just wanted to run up and hug you and never let go because I hadnt seen my Daddy for 10 years. Mommy had gotten remarried when I was 9 and Freddy was doing a good job at helping Mommy raise us and we were happy..but Freddy wasn't you I wanted YOU back in our lives. I remember after the court trial we all went out to eat and we were all REALLY happy..even Mommy because she still secretly loves you...and you love her back but are stuck with Donna because she was pregnant with Daniel when I was only a yr old..thats when you left Mommy. I remember the first summer we got to spend in FL with you,I cried the first night because I was home sick but I stuck out the whole summer because I had missed spending time with you,we went fishing..or tried...but didn't throw the poles out this time,and we went crabbing,and we went boating..and skateing and we did so many things I was so happy accept for having to be there with Donna she didn't like me and I didn't like her...and we didn't get along which made you mad at me because I would always argue with her. I remember how me and her got in that REALLY big fight and she kicked me out and you were going to make me sleep outside and Jess had to let me in when you all went to bed...I remember makeing cookies with you,and laughing at you because you actually scrubbed a toliet with a toothbrush. And how you spent the day with Jess on her birthday and you all bought her lots of things...but when my birthday came around I got nothing...not even a happy birthday from you..all I got was a card in the mail from Mommom and Poppop,and my Mom. Nothing from you no hug no nothing. That hurt me so deeply...you don't even know I cried myself to sleep on my birthday and wondered why you didn't love me what had I done so wrong to make you not love me I was and still am your baby girl.... but you don't even care. I remember crying the whole car ride back to MD to myself because I didn't know what I had done...and then you became so distant after that we didnt go back to visit you anymore,and you never called or wrote...but I did I wanted to make it work I wanted you in my life. I remember that when Jessica graduated you didnt even call her and I was so mad at you that I called you and yelled at you and told you I didn't want you at my graduation and you said I never would..and you were right I dropped out. And you said you never wanted me anyway,that I was a mistake you wanted my Mom to get an abortion when you found out she was pregnant with me. Then you called last yr on Valentines Day when Arty was here and said you were going to send me and Jess money for our birthdays...the money never came...the call back when you got back from sea never came...no letters...no nothing. I havnt herd from you since then I don't know where you are,or if you even think about me and wonder how I am,or think about jess or mike..but we're doing okay without you. We are all hurt that you left us...Jess doesnt show it and Mikes just anry all the time...I started hurting myself because of it and I don't know what to do,i'm lost without you I forgave you for everything..and you hurt me again. I wanted my Daddy back and lost him..again I don't know what I did to make you hate me so much all I ever did was love you even when you didn't love me back...even when you said you didn't want me. You'll always be my father...my dad...my daddy.and i'll always be your baby girl even if you dont want me...I just wish that you did...because I miss you more then i've missed anything in my life..... I feel like half of me is missing...I don't know how to cope with my emotions,and I don't know how to make Mom stop being so sad...She has freddy but you'll always be the one she loves...We are all just so angry that we can't be happy around each other...it hurts me Dad..to not have you in my life..i'll be gone next yr and you wont have another chance to get in contact with me...I wont want it im finally getting strong enough to make it through without you...im finally not cutting myself....im finally happy I have someone I love Dad..but you'll never meet him,because you don't even want to see Me.You'll never get to meet the man I marry or walk me down the isle...or meet your grandkids (if Jess or I have any).... you're going to miss so much...you've missed so much of my life...that you CANT make up for...are you sorry? I am...

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