it's getting more stressful around here, with mom continually trying to control everything, yet losing control of a lot of stuff and then blaming others for her failings, or at least that is how we are interpreting it; it's really sad when you are feeling alienated from your own family - your own mother, and you don't know what to do about it. Eventually we're going to sit down and things are going to be come out and it's going to be an ugly mess, especially if she continues to deny her change of attitude towards me and Jon, and is unwilling to listen to options or reason. I pray that it won't happen, but knowing her past and what she is like, it is a plausible outcome. Jon has almost given up trying and keeps threatening to just go out and get a job, pay her some rent money and not do anything around the property and let her figure out how to manage everything without him. There is still hope that we can work this out somehow, but I wish I knew how to facilitate the conversation so that everyone doesn't go ballistic on each other and stomp out all in tempers and make the rift between us all bigger. Jon has been stressing so much about it that he is not able to sleep much at night and that means that he is not getting much of anything done during the day, thus irking Mom further because she is not seeing any visible progress, and thus the circle continues to get deeper and more complicated. Really wish that I had a whole lot more psychology classes behind me cause it might make things a lot easier, I might be able to come up with more options. In reality, money is getting tighter for me and Jon, his savings is depleted, the money I get each month barely pays the bills some times and other months I run short and mom continues to hint/urge/beg for money to help with the household bills, even though she has finally found a company to refinance and will have an extra 300 or so a month, she still claims that she will be running short each month and is in a complete panic. Today she absolutely lost it while on the phone with me, I don't know how she managed to stay on the road with all the crying and uproar that she was making. IMO, she desperately needs to get some counseling for a lot of issues, especially her depression, but I know she wouldn't even consider it because she can't afford the copay. UGH, this is so frustrating. I wish I could see a way out or knew what to say or what to do but I don't and between feeling like a ping pong ball being bounced back and forth between everyone and feeling helpless to change the situation sometimes I just want to sleep and ignore it all, hoping that when I wake up things will have miraculously fixed themselves or I have won the lottery and can make everything better. I know, it's irrational, but at the moment that is how my mind is spinning.
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