I can't go into too much details at the moment, too emotional to write the details, but later will edit this with more info. Just please keep me in your thoughts and prayers, things are going to get very complicated.
***
So here is the lowdown. By reading any of the last few entries anyone can probably pick up on the fact that things have been pretty tight for us and that there's been a lot of stress between myself and my mom lately, due to the finances and other things. Well, she's broken probably one of my last straws with her by deciding, with other family members and not myself, that she's going to put the property up for sale. Selling the place out from under us will effectively make me and Jon and Garret homeless, as we have no way to support ourselves at the moment. I'm not saying it isn't possible, however, being that Jon's been searching for a job for almost 3 years and hasn't gotten anything yet, and I'm in the middle of going to school and taking care of gramma during the day so it's impossible for me to get a job right now. How she thinks that we're going to be able to not only find a place but afford to stay there is beyond my capacity to understand. I tried to explain it to her but she really didn't seem to care. She's given up because it's too hard for her so her decision effects all the rest of us but even though she attempts to say that it matters to her, it seemed very insincere. And, of course, she wants (her tone was almost demanding) us to continue to work on getting things cleaned up and improved around the place until it sells. She is determined to sell it by or before December. I told her that was almost impossible, that it would probably take more than a year, and she insisted that it would and that she couldn't wait that long. Not only will this effect us all emotionally, as we had planned to stay here for quite a few more years, at least until Ouma died and I was released from my promise to her of taking care of her, but not only that, it is very likely that we will not be able to take our cats with us and having already lost two of my precious babies in the last 9 months, and Jon's cat being with him for over 20 years, it's going to be extremely devastating for all of us. Mom claims that she is going to do everything possible to help us get into a new place and I, very sassily, asked her if she couldn't pay for the mortgage, where was she going to come up with $5000.00 plus dollars that it will take to get us into a new place??? Stupidly enough, that amount of money would pay for the mortgage for almost 4 months, in which time we could get some things figured out, but NO, she is not even willing to consider something such as me and Jon both getting minimum wage jobs or any other suggestion. She's just given up and she's dragging us through the shit with her until she kicks us out. Yes, I"m upset and yes I'm being sarcastic, but at the moment I've lost all faith, confidence and trust in my mom and what she says, promises, etc. It's terribly sad, but I don't know if I'll ever forgive her for going behind my back, not treating me as family, and making such an important decision which affects my life and the life of my family, without even asking or consulting me or letting me sit in on the conversation. That's not how family acts. That's one reason that Jon has totally lost faith and trust and respect in her because when she ASKED him to come her, she offered to treat him like family and then she broke every single one of her promises except letting him stay here and that she only did because I told her I would leave if she asked him to go. She won't get help for her psychological issues because, of course, she doesn't have the money and, in my opinion, she doesn't really think that there is anything wrong with her. I am such a cluster of emotions that it's making me ill at times when I let it get too much. Already suffered a very bad cluster headache that turned into a migraine and took me out for most of the day yesterday, hardly able to sleep and having to force myself to eat at times because otherwise my BS drops too low and then I get sick too. I've very worried about Jon. His medication was just starting to take effect and stabilize his mood and now this huge slame...he isn't able to sleep, even with meds, I'm having to pressure him to eat and drag him outside or he'd stay in the bedroom and just drown in his depression even more. We're both extremely worried about the future. We've tried to go through all the options, but the reality is if both of us aren't able to get jobs, we'll be living on the street, we have no where else to go and at the moment we don't know of any other options. I would appreciate thoughts and prayers and any ideas / suggestions / options, etc.
|
Loading...