for my facebook peeps, some have seen this already
I need some advice and I apologize in advance for the length but I think
the details may be really important. Realize that my son is currently
in school, though I'm trying to get things arranged to hopefully home
school him permanently over the summer and maybe next year, so I have
limited control over what happens to him during the day, but here is the
situation. Today he came home with two strikes...one was for punching
another child during the lunch hour/recess and the other was several
hours later, in his pull-out, mainstream math class, where he got mad at
a fellow student sitting near by and jabbed him in the leg with his
pencil. The teachers didn't send many details home except the
description of the actions and a note that he had a hard day. After
some extensive questioning, I gathered some details from my son, though
they are still somewhat sketchy. The first incident apparently took
place in transition from the lunch room to recess or just after they got
outside, a boy from his class was bothering him and he wouldn't leave
him alone, was using another child to antagonize him, and when they
wouldn't stop, he got angry and punched the instigator in the shoulder.
Having gotten in trouble, and in Garret's words, the aide wouldn't
listen to his explanation, he was upset. The a little while later he
went to his math class and a boy sitting near him was taunting him and
wouldn't stop, so he jabbed him in the leg with his pencil. As a side
note, he informed me that the teacher ended up lecturing the entire
class on their bad behavior and everyone was made to put their heads
down on their desks for a while. Garret's regular class is comprised of
severley physically handicapped and mentally challenged kids, he is the
most normal of them and the only reason he is there is because of his
problems with reading and his behavior/control issues, which are due to
his delayed development. He was mainstreamed into the regular math
classroom starting in Late Sept/Oct, and while he has some struggles
with the concepts of the math, he seems to be having more issues with
the kids than the subject. My questions is this...what do you think is
an appropriate punishment for these issues? We've tried sentence
writing (which his teacher thanked us for the improvement in
handwriting) grounding from all priviledges for x amount of time, extra
chores, having certain toys taken away and having to earn them
back...all which seem to have very little long-term effect. Since we
are only made aware of this hours after the incidents happen, immediate
punishment, where I think the lessons would stick just don't happen, so I
need some other ideas of what to do, because this behavior is not
acceptable and I need to curb it. I need also ideas on how to help him
build up his self-control and patience, how to make good decisions under
stress, because I think that is where the point of the issue
begins...he is very sensitive and when they tease him, he doesn't stop
to think, doesn't know how to control himself, and the ability to make
good decisions goes out the window. Thanks.
my mom's groups have given me some good suggestions, but before I had a chance to try anything he came home today with another strike and informed me that he is being sent for referral, which means I have a meeting with his teachers and the principal next week.
I'm very discouraged and feeling like i'm totally failing at being a good mom, even after talking to him several hours yesterday, going over ways to take himself out of situations, ways to ask for help, nothing seemed to stick. I'm afraid of what this could mean for the future and it scares me that if I can't get him to control himself now, what will he be like as a teenager. And I'm also hoping that this isn't a sign of other, more serious problems. I'm hoping that the meeting has a positive outcome and that things will settle down, cause all this stress and not sleeping well is killing my stomach and my anxiety is through the roof.
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