oh man, did I ever screw up this time

01/31/2013

The one thing that Jon has always insisted on is that we present a united front with Garret on punishment and decisions and what did I do today, I completely disagreed with him, without hearing his side of the story and so he got furious and called Garret out of the bedroom, told him to forget whatever he had just said, that it didn't matter and mom was going to deal with him now and then he stomped into the bedroom and shut the door, leaving me confused, with a very confused and sobbing child to deal with (he still got punished) and I couldn't go in and talk to him because I had to get to the post office before it closed, and now he's stomping around the house not talking to me, slamming the bedroom door (hehe it doesn't actually slam but he tried) and I've got to figure out how to go in and apologize. I know what I did was really blaszaie and not really a big punishment compared to what he would like but I guess I didn't think it was that significant in the beginning. This being in a committed relationship is really hard. Finally someone holding me (and Garret) accountable and I'm realizing I'm a really horrible person. Not bad, but I'm so scatterbrained that I hardly ever keep my word and so a lot of what I say I do barely gets done, is done late, or sometimes it never happens and that realization is making me hate myself pretty bad right now. That goes right along with promising to be firm with my son, not letting him get away with things I said I wouldn't, and keeping my word to Jon that I would stand by his decisions and not countermand him, especially in front of Garret. I feel really bad. It's only been a few weeks since we talked and I promised that things would get better and I've completely blown it. I don't know what to do to make things better. It's not just one area of my life, it is affecting every area of my life and that is why I hate it so much. I'm not even true to myself most of the time, making excuses, purposely ignoring things, it's just awful and I don't know what to do to make myself stop. I want to, so desperately bad, but everything I have tried so far fails like the rest, after a few days or so I always fall back into the same old habits and it is so frustrating and depressing and I'm so discouraged.

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Okay, ONE, scatter-brained does not a horrible person make. Being a single parent is NOT EASY. And the behavior that Jon is exhibiting because you "messed up" is hardly adult behavior. Slamming doors? Stomping around the house because he didn't get his way? I get needing a united front, but that ALSO means one parent shouldn't dish out the punishment without discussing it with the other parent FIRST. It takes a lot of time to become accustomed to this change after being single for so long. I've been with Mike for over six years and I sometimes STILL have issues remembering there is someone else here. Yes, you need to make an effort, but it looks like Jon does, too.

[Mommy to 3+1|0 likes] [|reply]

yeah, we both do and yes, we know it's going to take a while to adapt to each other's ways but it's not any good when we both mess up and make a bad situation worse, I think that is what made us mad at ourselves the most.

[Garret's mom|0 likes] [|reply]

One more thing, changing old habits takes more than a few days, and more than a few slips. It also takes patience with yourself, and from those around you. Work on one habit at a time until things start looking up. And don't be so hard on yourself. You are HUMAN, not SUPERhuman.

[Mommy to 3+1|0 likes] [|reply]

but I need to be supermom right now, I can't let it all fall apart any more than it already is, things are so miserable right now, if I don't pull it together it will drive us apart, I have to get control of myself or I'll ruin my life, and right now I don't think I could take any more, I've got to change

[Garret's mom|0 likes] [|reply]

Jon needs to contribute to the changes, too, though. I understand he's depressed, but that's no excuse. His behavior isn't encouraging you to change yours, it's discouraging you and making you feel like you *can't* change - and that's only going to make things worse. What he, and thus you, is expecting is for you to change all these things all at once in a short period of time. It is unrealistic and makes things even more difficult. What's his biggest complaint? Do you agree with that being the biggest problem? What are you going to do TOGETHER to help you change this habit? He can't give you a checklist of things you need to change without expecting to positively contribute to the changing of your behavior.

[Mommy to 3+1|0 likes] [|reply]

(seriously if you think there is anything I can add remind me in the AM to do )

[Me, Myself & I|0 likes] [|reply]

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