The one thing that Jon has always insisted on is that we present a united front with Garret on punishment and decisions and what did I do today, I completely disagreed with him, without hearing his side of the story and so he got furious and called Garret out of the bedroom, told him to forget whatever he had just said, that it didn't matter and mom was going to deal with him now and then he stomped into the bedroom and shut the door, leaving me confused, with a very confused and sobbing child to deal with (he still got punished) and I couldn't go in and talk to him because I had to get to the post office before it closed, and now he's stomping around the house not talking to me, slamming the bedroom door (hehe it doesn't actually slam but he tried) and I've got to figure out how to go in and apologize. I know what I did was really blaszaie and not really a big punishment compared to what he would like but I guess I didn't think it was that significant in the beginning. This being in a committed relationship is really hard. Finally someone holding me (and Garret) accountable and I'm realizing I'm a really horrible person. Not bad, but I'm so scatterbrained that I hardly ever keep my word and so a lot of what I say I do barely gets done, is done late, or sometimes it never happens and that realization is making me hate myself pretty bad right now. That goes right along with promising to be firm with my son, not letting him get away with things I said I wouldn't, and keeping my word to Jon that I would stand by his decisions and not countermand him, especially in front of Garret. I feel really bad. It's only been a few weeks since we talked and I promised that things would get better and I've completely blown it. I don't know what to do to make things better. It's not just one area of my life, it is affecting every area of my life and that is why I hate it so much. I'm not even true to myself most of the time, making excuses, purposely ignoring things, it's just awful and I don't know what to do to make myself stop. I want to, so desperately bad, but everything I have tried so far fails like the rest, after a few days or so I always fall back into the same old habits and it is so frustrating and depressing and I'm so discouraged.
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