I got a talking to this week about me helping out more around the house and doing every single thing that I promise to do on the day that I promise it. /sigh I wish men understood things a little more about single mothers, especially those of us that are stay at home moms and homeschooling and care-giving on top of that too. He doesn't understand why I don't have the energy to do more and all he can suggest is that it's because I need to exercise and lose weight and that will apparently make it all better. While I don't doubt that it will help, that is not the end all solution and just where am I supposed to fit that into my schedule? I'm already existing on 3-6 hours of sleep a night because after I'm done with homework at midnight then I like to spend a few hours with him, otherwise I feel like I'm neglecting him. His solution is that I don't get on the internet for anything at all except to do my homework and check my bank account and that everything else should only be allowed when I have absolutely no homework to do, and ONLY after the house is completely cleaned. I will admit that I have been slacking off some in the last few weeks of keeping up on the household chores, as I was researching and planning for homeschooling, but it's not like I don't do ANYTHING at all. I will not justify with a list of everything I do, as I'm sure most will understand without going into excessive detail. I know there is a lot to do in the house and around the property, and yes, I fully admit that I need to do a lot better on time-management and prioritizing things, but it's not my strong point at all and I'm really struggling with it. One good thing that did come out of our lengthly conversation was the fact that he acknowledge that I'm messing up in the relationship because I have no frame of reference of what a real relationship is supposed to be. My parents didn't give me a good example and what I had with Matt was a mess too, especially since Matt didn't have a good example from his parents either. So in that way he's trying to be understanding, yet he still needs me to put show more effort, his exact words. I do understand that, yet I am just not sure how much more I can do but i need to figure out some way to do that. It's not about figuring it out, cause I can figure it out, it's putting myself into action and not being lazy or pushing past my depression and fatigue to think of my family and what needs to be done for them.
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