My first day at home from uni. I'm back for good this time. Its worrying me, and stressing me out that I need to get a job. I feel like a no good layabout, and ive had a load of really nasty anxiety dreams about it and it hasnt been a week yet. Ive had dreams that Im sent back to my secondary school and everyones been bullying me again, except im about 10 years older than them. And they're all screaming "why are you back here? Why are you still here?" And ive had dreams that Jimmy's been saying nasty things and shouting at me cos Im lazy.
I allready applied for a job, well two actually. But I still feel like a prat sitting here while joes at college and mums working. So when she gets back here at 12 for lunch, saying shes tired i offer to go to work with her in the afternoon.
And seriously, never judge someone till you've walked in their shoes.
Turns out she was going cleaning at Pat's house in layer marnie. Jesus their house is fucking POSH. I got lost more than once, its like a royal fucking winter palace. I HATE people like that, stuck up in their castle not knowing how the rest of us get by.
So we started by doing the washing up, and the old bint starts by condemning me for dropping out of uni. (have you ever seen spirited away? She looks and reminds me of Yubaba) Then she moved on to 'my daughter works in travel she goes all over the country all on her own you should do that shes so brave and wonerful shes only 18 blah blah blah blah blah' without a single breath in between.
I felt like a cockroach.
So then we do all their huge beds which have these stupid posh frills every damn where. And hoover the damn wood floor, and bleach everything. You would have thought the place was crammed with plague victims the amount of bleach we have to use on everything.
Then her husband comes in and starts. He actually poked my lip ring. Being all stupid and old fashioned like 'whats this thing eh? What do you want that for? Were you drunk when you got it done? They wont let you work anywhere with that you know, oh no no no. Where DO you work then, do you even HAVE a job?'
And i was like " I applied for two jobs at the garden centre"
They were absolute cunts about that one. Saying how it was a shit job and ill never get anywhere doing that. And why do I want to work there then (ha ha ha) I felt like crying and screaming at the same time. But they were paying me to clean there house so I had to be polite and meek. This is how servant girls must have felt back in 1800's or whatever.
Meh at least it was OK to be like that then.
Hm. Just found out my mums on antidepressants.
Merry Christmas |
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