Sometimes, I feel like all of the moments in my life that I should remember in the golden highlights of my life flashing by, have been only cheap replicas. I do not say cheap in the monetary sense. I Have never enjoyed things like the prom or college. Normal things. I went to a fabulous wedding today, very simple, yet elegant. Two of my best friends. I am truly happy for them. My wedding was horrible. My friends wanted to take me out for a few beers in Ocean City. My fiance wasn't planning anything for himself, and I would have felt guilty if I had gone out and he had not. His friend lived a block away from us, and he had me drop him off there. I gave him 30 dollars to get a bottle for himself and his crew. I came home at 5 a.m. and had a total blast! When I get there, he had been home for an hour, and was still throwing up! (I had about 5 drinks in a 4 hour period and then sat at McD's with a coffee for an hour before I came home.) He and his friends drank themselves into a puking stupor. He puked right up until we got to the podium. I held him up the whole time. When it was over, he went right to bed for about 6 hours.
Oh, I forgot to mention that the date of our wedding was set by his mother instead of us. My family is too far and broke to travel and I never grew up with much so I unsdertood and they understood. They wished us well and invited them to a future renewal of vows that we had planned to accomidate everyone in both of our families. Until we had the money for that, we had decided to do a little Justice of the Peace thing and have a BBQ with a few close friends. That was all we wanted. Unfortunately we were poor, and lived with his parents. She had to work on the day we chose to get married, and we explained about the whole "we will have a big re-wedding, it's ok with us" thing. Not a single one af MY family members could make it. She said that if she wasn't at the wedding, she would kick us, and our 6 month old baby out on the street. She invited her 4 evil sisters. SHE bought her family 200 dollars worth of fried chicken. Because the date was changed, my best friends couldn't make it. AND SHE also rented 50 folding chairs, for all of the 10 people (of hers) that were there. Then she would tell me that I needed to be grateful to her for all that she had done and all the money she had paid for this lavish chickenfest.
I spent my prom night just sitting in the rain alone. I had to pretend that I thought the prom was stupid so that no one would know that I just couldn't afford to go. I didn't have electricity.
I don't understand why everything is so far away from me.