4-30-09 I Tried To Kill Myself.

Hey guys, here's how my day went. I woke up from a strange dream. I drempt that I was being chased by Jason, yes the serial killer Jason. Now the stange part is that I shot myself four times in the chest (in the dream of coure), however I would not die. I guess it's a good thing, they say if you die in a dream you die in real life, good thing I didn't die huh. The whole time I was shooting myself I remember I was reciting the lord's prayer. During all this Jason stopped trying to kill me and just watched as I attempted to kill myself. When I woke up all I could think was my plan to kill myself before Jason could was really stupid. Then I tried to think why would I do this in my dream. I came up with all my frustrations in life are Jason. And I tried to kill myself because that's what I thought was the answer to my problems(even though I was to scared to ever try it in real life). Then when I thought about the pain I felt after each shot, I thought that must have symbolized all my family, friends, and my boyfriend's pain if I succedded. Then when I didn't die I thought for sure it meant that I still have more life to live, and even maybe something to live for, even if right now I don't know what's it is. Strange things are happening, and changing the very aspect of my life. That all I'm going to write about my day.
Life is a mess.