throw away, your desires & treasures;

12/03/2012

& make sure, to burn all the maps.


so apparently, i never pressed publish on this entry before...

has it really been this long since i updated?
time is slipping through my fingers
faster than money.
faster than water.
life is a little crazy lately.
never seem to have a minute to just sit.
and be.
it's taking its toll on me.
at another point in life where i seem to have lost myself.
lost my ambition.
lost my drive.
my creativity is in there,
i find i am just waiting for a time to harvest it.
this constant fatigue
is eating me alive.

i should be working,
since i'm being paid.
but i have no drive.
no desire.
i would just rather sit
& type meaningless things.
onto a blue screen.

my house is a constant disappointment.
sometimes i dream about what it could look like.
& yet i never put those dreams in motion.
there's always something stopping me.
time to knock down the walls i have built up around myself.
allow myself to move in ways i never have.
ways to make a change.

shouldn't complain so much.
i am really so blessed.
in so many ways.

just a weird day.
i feel stationary.
need to find sometime for myself.
& dig in deeper.

love yous.
better update sooner.

xoxox.


so now it's even longer since i've updated.
things are.
getting better.
progressing slowly, but in the right direction.
i'm getting things in order to re-do my spare room.
will post some pictures once it's all painted.
it's going to make a big difference i think.
since i basically do most of my crafting/sewing/anything in there.
will be nice to have at least one room done.

david and i are back together.
did i even mention we took a hiatus?
it was good.
and things are seeminly going smoother.
for now anyways.

wesley is at sick kids in toronto.
almost done his second of three rounds of intense chemo & stem cell transplants.
he is such a trooper.
i love that kid so much, i didn't even know it was possible.

my sister is pregnant too,
so very excited for when her baby comes.
i'm going to go down and nanny for a while.

debating what to do with my job/life.
i want to, and i am determined to, own my own shop one day.
it's just. the fear of having no money.
the fear of failing, miserably.
the fear of letting every one down,
but more importantly myself.

but someone once told me that,
there is no great success without great risk.
so that's helping me.
trying out some recipes in the next couple of weeks.
(did i mention i want a candy shoppe?)
christmas is a good time to test out recipes on people.
hopefully there are no giant failures.
the only thing i need to learn how to get around is corn syrup.
seems to be in anything candy-related.
going to try my best to change it for honey,
and see what happens.

anyways, i think that's about all.
the cats are doing good.
wynn is growing so so fast.

today is my birthday.
and i don't really feel anything.
is that weird?
it just doesn't feel like my birthday.
what's another year older anyways?

hopefully it won't be so long until i update.

until next time,

xoxox.