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Today Is Where My Book Begins
by A Brand New Chapter

previous entry: *headdesk*

next entry: I Suck...

Sh*t Is Just F*cked **Edit

05/09/2013



Just spent nearly an hour at the house (front porch) of CJ's friend Nick. That kid is a little twat. I have figured out why CJ has an attachment to him... The kid is a mental case who totally takes us CJ's cause with a passion. He started to get in my face about shit with CJ like it personally affected him, and all about how he doesn't want to see his friend disrespected, etc... Funny how fucks who throw around the word 'respect' the most are usually the ones who usually least understand how it works.



I want to write so much about that hour, but Brian should be here any second with the girls (Devon and Brian's dad are going to one of the play off games or whatever they are tonight). I will start and try to save when they get here...



There is a social worker, working I BELIEVE at a non-official capacity right now, she knows of CJ through that Nick douche, because HE has needed a social worker because of the shit he has gotten in trouble with... I spoke with her on the phone, and apparently I am the worst parent ever... And Nick's mother confirmed that when she came out and said "what kind of mother..." about Cj being there for 2 and a half weeks... I was like "back that shit up" and said a few things, and then she felt me, and was nodding along with me... So yeah. But yay the way my fucking kid makes me out to be a monster... He is so warped. At least I got some back up from his counselor back when he was going, at least at the end, he said how CJ lives in like this total bullshit world that isn't really reality... I need to get in touch with him, I left a message for him I think last Friday... I at least need a referral... I am disappointed that he has yet to call back...



And then there is Nick's step father... He wanted me to take him home. I will be picking him up tomorrow... He knows this... He asked for one more night... What difference that can make is beyond me... Brian was brought up of course... Funny that they are buddies, and have been for months, but he brings up two old incidents to make it seem like we have a house of terror here... I mean, really? I wanted to punch him listening to him... He totally manipulates his surroundings... Well, at least those around him, by suddenly being this victim... Everyone thinks I am horrible, I don't care, etc... Really? The boy has everything and whet he doesn't have he can have, and I don't mean that in a spoiled brat way... I mean, he wants a job, we have told him we'd take him until he gets his finances in order and can get his license, etc. We support him on anything, have told him we'd bend over backwards to assist him in getting things done... We are always here to talk, but he chooses not to take us up on any of those offers, and then plays martyr... Like we hold him back and how it is SO HARD to do any of this stuff... This child, my one and only child, is so much like his father that it kills me inside. I can't even stomach it...



I hate that fuck for how he influenced this kid, and it makes me so mad to know that until a few years ago he was pretty normal, and a nice, good kid. All the time I heard about how polite, well-behaved, etc. he was... He never needed to be punished. CJ said something about it being too late for counseling and something about how he wanted to do it sooner, which is bullshit, he refused... WTF ever, we/he is going...



I do know I need to get him away from that kid Nick, but he is truly, at the moment, his only friend... how do I make that happen? He is a horrible influence on him, not that he is influenced as much as like... cheered on or something... He invigorates him. It is scary. That kid is fucked in the head...



They aren't here yet, but I am going off to research genetic mental illnesses, that present in adolescence and other relevant topics... Not that I think I will have much luck, I never do when I am researching this shit...



* Edit

He talked a lot about his dad, and seeing that guy dead... Like those were affecting him greatly... I know about the anger with his dad, the other thing I thought had started to fade by now, and the social worker lady said shit like "he has been through a lot..." Okay, here's the deal, I agree, but he has had time and therapy (which he walked away from because he didn't want to do it any more), and there comes a time when you can't blame everything on shit that has happened to you... Brian and I were talking about this sort of the other night, about how today's youth has that "entitlement" attitude, and how there are all these laws to protect kids, to the point where (I have seen it on the news and heard stories, as well as the story about Brian and Nick) kids taunt adults and KNOW they can't do JACK SHIT to them because of the laws... I never spanked my son (don't need to hear any flack on that, be it known that he was an ideal child until the last several years, probably stemming from when his father took him to Alabama), he never needed it, but I feel parents should be able to do so at their discretion, I do believe there should be laws to protect kids, but ffs, making every parent who smacks their kid public enemy #1 is outrageous. I mean, I took a stand when CJ went into kindergarten, because we lived in the south at the time, they had corporal punishment, I set a letter stating that I requested they did not do so under penalty of legal action... Society has fucked itself... It needs some change... I think there comes a time when you need to be held accountable for your own fucking shit, ans stop playing the "woe is me" card. Yes, I am sure he still suffers because of it, but NO, it isn't an excuse to get your way... THAT is the fucking difference...



And PS, the title is like 50% for one of my faves who recently wrote on the asterisk in words thing haha... The other 50% is because I just don't want to get bitched about for language yet I have the need to swear like a sailor atm... =)

previous entry: *headdesk*

next entry: I Suck...

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