Keep my head held high.

02/07/2010

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

Wow, so many welcomes lol. Thank you all..even if you are getting points or whatever for them.

So I think that I may be depressed. I am so cranky and just dont feel like my usual stuff. I do not know what is going on. I wish that I knew. I am so sick of feeling this way. Today was absolutely terrible. I can not even explain. My parents, my brother, and my sister were pissing me off so much that it is not even funny. my mom told me that she was going to take us shopping and we went to walmart and kmart for like the whole fucking day. they are getting what they want and me and my sister are getting so pissed. Like why not just leave us at home? We finally went and got clothes. I got some cute skinny jeans and a new hoody. (:

And then I get home and my mom is all like Courtney do this and do that and just asking for me to do some many things. I hate that. Do not use me for your personal use and then when I get annoyed you bitch at me because oh my gosh you are the parent. Fuck parents. they are so likely they have a reason to treat us like shit.

So yeah they were pissing me off so bad it is not even funny. And on top of this we have stupid christians coming to stay with us for alll of tomorrow. My mom told me they were staying the night so I was like okay whatever maybe coming over at 6 or 7. And then I learn today that they are coming at 10 am. Like what the fuck? I have to sit with people who probably dont know what a cunt or douche are? They are like a young couple with a week old baby. Like awww how cute baby? (: No. I am going to not get good sleep tomorrow at all. I like babies and all but not at night. no no no. They are moving here and I am going to have to see a lot of them. So I am hoping that they arent like those freaks who dress like from 20 years ago and are like all out god. Godness. awww.

So on facebook, I post my statuses, and I get stupid little comments from my aunt and cousin. "I love you blah blah blah" What the hell. Just because Thrusday was when Grandpa died a year ago does not mean that we are good. You never call, and you are family because of marriage. And my Grandma, my grandpas wife lol, has not even talked to me for a year. Do you not realize how much that hurts? Just because you are not my grandma in blood doesnt mean that you take away 15 years of being my grandma when my grandpa dies, you just dont do that. How can anyone do that to a child? I miss my Grandpa so much.

So there is this hot guy that works at Walmart and he wasn't working today. I think he works on weekdays and Sunday, not Saturdays. I love going to walmart just to see this damn hot guy. He has shaggy black hair, a perfect smile, like perfect teeth, he has tattoos on his arms, he wores black-rim plastic glasses lol i would think that glasses would not be hot, but on him? OH MY. he is skinny but build. and I would just love to fuck this dude. We do talk lol. Him and my mom actually talked before me! And one day when went there he looks at me and was like finally helping out? And I was like what the hell. And him and my parents were going on and on about things. Like why? he is 20, he works at walmart, he is in a band, oh and did I mention he has a girlfriend? :\ And the last time I seen him i was waiting for my grandma and he walks over to me and smiled. And just randomly talked to me. I know I blush so bad when I talk to him. I can feel it. And he is so friendly. Ahhh I would do anything to know him better!

I miss Cody! I want to see him.
I wanna hug him.
Kiss him.
Ahhhh me and him could really just get along good (:

I hope tomorrow wont be as bad as i expect


Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa



Love,
Me. (: