I definately do not think that M and I have a kind of unspoken psychic bond. The whole idea of that is ridiculous. But at around 11.30 last night I had this uncontrolled urge to go into his bedroom. I was on Vent, so I clicked on AFK, paused my music and went down the 2 flights of stairs. The door was shut tight. But I can always seee through the crack in the door if the light is on. It wasn't. I couldn't hear any voices so I cautiously opened the door anyway. Ray Ray Ray. Blood. Blood.Blood. Knife. Knife. Knife.
Lacking in the bravery I have neglected to cultivate, I ran my hand up the wall, my fingers searching for the light switch. After squinting for a second, I located M; he was sitting on the chair beside his window with his phone pressed against his ear. He peered at me for a second as his eyes adjusted to the violent light.
"Hollie, what are you doing here?"
"I don't know, ermm...I think I just wanted to check you are okay. Are you crying?" Why the fuck did you ask that? He's obviously going to deny it you muppet!
"No. Will you just get out."
*I left. Padded back to my laptop, the soles of my cuddly socks clinging to the floor with each step. Click back into Vent. Lsten to my music again. A horrible feeling washed over me. I went AFK again.
"Hollie, what now?"
"Somethings wrong. I want to make sure you are ok. What is it?"
*Walked over to him. Dropped to my knees. Looked up at him and crossed my eyes in my silly way, trying to make him smile.
"Hollie, it's okay. We are just having problems"
His mouth snapped shut like a crocodile. I got up and went back to my room, still not feeling happy, yet, even more confused.
He used the word "we". Who is this other person that makes up this "we" he spoke of? How come she belongs in a "we" with him and I never did?
Bah.
*
Three weeks into my no sugar/no carbs month. I don't find it difficult. Well, except for Friday nights. It makes me so fucking angry. Seething in fact. In the pub, everyone gets progressively drunk. I'm sitting there, nursing my sugar-free cola. It's not as much fun with mates when they are all getting slaughtered and you are as sober as a flaming judge. Nor do I need a running commentary of what they are drinking and how much fun they are having. It's infuriating how drunk people spill their silly little hearts out. Bah....fuck em all.
*
Ahh, my pirated music has finished downloading. God Bless the Internet!!
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