The Newness of Changing Dreams

Another semi-early morning for me, and this time Al actually got up when I woke him after only two tries.  He's getting better.  I got his coffee started so he could have a couple of cups and I could have a cup along with my breakfast rice cakes with peanut butter and jelly.

I feel HEAPS better than I did yesterday.  I'm wondering if these episodes are in any way related to the fact that I missed my night dose of medicines the evening before?  I honestly just forgot to take them after I ate, and usually I do that first thing.  That night I didn't.  I barely remembered to give Jericho his night pill, and by the time I remembered that, and subsequently my own, it was too late for me to take my meds.  I wasn't going to eat again just to take my pills.  They have to be taken on a full stomach or with milk, and I didn't have any milk.

In any case, all the sleep I got yesterday, as well as making sure I got both morning and evening doses of medicine seemed to do the trick and I feel better today - normal, for whatever that means.  I actually started feeling normal again while I was writing last night's diary entry.  I'm glad it has carried over into today.

Al seems to have taken our "come to Jesus meeting" to heart.  After he got up and had a sandwich so he could take his motrin, shower, put his teeth in (the reason for the motrin), he got out and went to the new naval health center to pick up my prescriptions.  He took some time to walk around and find where everything was and said the new center is nice.  I'll still have him go with me to my next appointments, so I can learn my way around the health care center.  It's not something I really want to attempt to navigate on my own for the first time.

After he got home, he warmed up the leftovers from last night's chili and we had that for lunch.  He said I'm getting better at cooking because this was actually spicy.  Now I just have to work on making it thicker because he likes thick chili.  I frankly don't care either way, but we'll see.  He'll eat it either way.

He started to get into Corri's room to rearrange her furniture, and that's when he threw a monkey wrench into the plans we developed from the "come to Jesus meeting."  Instead of just tidying up his leftover tools and whatnot, he decided he's going to finish off putting the mud or whatever it is on the walls so it'll dry by tomorrow, and then he'll worry about rearranging the bed and dresser in there.  That way the following weekend, he can get in there and sand down the walls, do the primer, and he and Corri can paint and hang her new blinds.  It'll at least be a bit more liveable for her.

I got upset that he didn't just do what I asked, which was to tidy and do the furniture moving, but after talking to him about it, I can see the sense in what he was saying.  There's not that much more wall for him to finish.  He might as well get it done before she gets home.  Now he's out at Menard's to buy more of that mud stuff to put on the walls and finish it off.  The thing that upset me is the fact that it was already 2:30 when he started this, and I told him that meant there would be no going to Reconciliation for me tonight, and no church for me tonight either because I don't want to go without him.  He was going to go back to the original plan after I said that and I told him to forget it.  Just do what he was going to do and finish off the walls.

I discovered that I don't do well when people make last minute changes to my plans.  It's not really a control issue with me, but I like counting on certain things happening in a certain way.  It throws me off kilter when my plans get changed at the last minute.  Maybe that IS a control issue after all.  My way or the highway?  Maybe.

Bob called and it looks like the financing is going to go through for the new car, and it is a 2009 Malibu.  LOL  My last three cars have been Malibus.  I guess I'm a Malibu girl or something.  The bad news is that I won't be able to pick the car up until Monday, but if it's not ready by Monday morning, the soonest I can get there will be Tuesday or Wednesday.  And of course, Corri has her SAP classes on Tuesday and I have to drop her off there before 10am.  If we can make it to Burlington, Wisconsin and back before Al has to work after dropping Corri off, then we'll go Tuesday, otherwise it won't be until Wednesday.  But finally, we'll have a second car.  We're still going to have to come up with the money to get the other car fixed, but at least we'll have a second car while that's happening. 

The payments are a bit higher than what I was paying on this car, by about $50 a month, but I'll manage.  I'm just not going to have a lot of disposable income for a while because I do still have bills to pay.  Time for me to focus and really put my mind to paying things off and down.

So at any rate, that's what's happening today.  I guess we'll go grocery shopping tonight after Al finishes in Corri's room and we have dinner.  That's fine with me.  I don't mind grocery shopping at night.  I'm sure Corri isn't going to want to grocery shop when she gets home tomorrow.  She's going to want to get settled and get her things put away.  That's fine.  I don't want to throw a monkey wrench into HER plans either.

It's all coming together, slowly but surely, and I'm sure we'll manage just fine.

• Psalm 73:25 - Whom else have I in the heavens?  None beside you delights me on earth.


• John 14:2-3 - In my Father's house there are many dwelling places.  If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you?  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be.


• Philippians 3:20-21 - But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we also await a savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.  He will change our lowly body to conform with his glorified body by the power that enables him also to bring all things into subjection to himself.

I've had many dreams in my life.  I wanted a big church wedding.  What I got was a quick service at the justice of the peace.  I wanted children of my own.  I got stepchildren.  I wanted to be a teacher.  I became a catechist.

For every broken dream there is a new dream, and when you're lucky, you have a friend who will stand beside you in your brokenness and encourage you to dream new dreams.

Life isn't always easy.  It's filled with happiness, but also sorrow.  There is tremendous joy, but equally tremendous pain.  We're not meant to live in those dark times or wallow in the times when life is less than pleasant and our dreams are shattered.  Instead, we're called to dream a new dream.

So when I'm tempted to wallow in the sometimes miserable state of my life, I just have to remember to unpack all the brokennes within me, and unpack all the things of this world because I cannot take them with me.  I need to dare dream a new dream of a home that will be beautiful.  A life where sorrow and pain is no more.  A life in my true home, which is heaven.

I won't stop living my life here, but no longer am I going to dwell on things here over which I have no control.  Instead I will fix my eyes on the prize, as it were, the promise of heaven and the beauty of the dwelling place that is laid out for me by the Lord.  That's a new dream I want to dream about all the time, and one day, I will cross that bridge, alone, as we all must do, and that dream will become my new reality.  All the old things will be forgotten as I live in the light and love of the Lord.

Some people say that what e look like on the outside has nothing to do with what we're like on the inside.  This is true to a degree, but how we see ourselves has very much to do with what we think of ourselves. If we see ourselves as overweight, we will tend to think less of ourselves.  If we see ourselves as physically fit and trim, then we will feel better.  One ofthe advantages of leaning on Christ when we diet is that He has the power to make the old pass away and to bring about a wonderful newness to our lives.  No one wants our transformation more than Christ Jesus.  He's there to help.

Today's thought:  There's a brand new me on the way!