oops I totally had an emergency, back now, so where were we........
Your arguments sucked because you were so accusing of other people.
-I didn't accuse anyone of anything they didnt already admit to. ;)
I think not hitting your kid because of a "risk" to psychological problems in the future is silly.
--That's your opinion, but your opinion doesnt change the facts. the risk is not worth it- my opinion.
you don't know if your child will be one of the thousands that it does cause problems for, you dont know. If you are willing to risk it anyway, not to bright in my opinion.
Good parents don't hit their kid because they're frustrated.
-- good parents do not ever hit there kids.
Obviously it's a form of discipline
--an unnecessary one. a stone age one. one that cause children to be more aggressive, according to the study that was a look at 100 years worth of studies. It's pretty hard to say 100 years worth of actual studies is wrong. but try they may.....
and a form that is quite effective in the right situation,
--It's an effective attention getter and nothing more. spanking only teaches that mommy is a hypocrite. it teaches that hitting other people is okay, sometimes, and is necessary sometimes to, well it's not. It's illegal for you to hit an adult, and it should be illegal to hit a child. what could a child possibly do to make you want to hit them? please give an example. and i will gladly give an alternative to spanking. rewards work wonders.
particularly as a last resort. It's an effective way to say "no, you can't do that. That's really bad".
--Often it is something else that is the reason behind the child acting up. Usually parental drama, or being passed around - day cares, grandma's house, baby sisters, struggling economies so both parents have to work, most of the time. Man look, it takes a lot of dedication to raise a child, especially the mini robot you version that controlling parents want. perfect little angels that can do no wrong OR ELSE YOU GET HIT - SWAT :P
Do not take out parental faults and shortcomings on the child that acts up to seek attention. hmmm for you, think of it as trolling. children are trolling for your attention 24/7 if they dont get it, they will find a way to, good or bad, and they wont even know why they do what they do. but you as a parent should know that if a child is acting up, it's not because they really want that toy, or they really are just some problem child. There is so much involved in why a child would act up, that one would have to asses their entire life, and the lives of their parents, and the environment, and everything they are being exposed to, to even begin to understand what the root cause for that child may be.....
The last resort, ie giving up and turning to violence- the parent becomes the rude uneducated troll,lol
If you run out of all other options, go buy a book, call some one else that can teach right from wrong without hitting. ie the hypocritical spanking. It sends a mixed msg that may lead to a mixed up person. it;s not worth the rick. address the root cause, not be defeated and run out of logical options, and resort to hitting is the ultimate solution, that is "silly".
Sometimes it's hard to explain to a kid how important it is do something the right way.
--children are so very eager to learn. Teaching them is a pleasure, for they are willing students.
One must first become the teacher, and not the student.
I also think it's rare that kids don't see WHY they were hit when they're older. Look at people in this thread, for example - A lot say that "I was hit so much as a kid because I was a little shit". Not many begrudge their parents when they're older, or feel like it affected them negatively.
--You have to look at why a child would act up. because that same child under different circumstances, may not act up. and be that little shit. ie there is so much involved in why a child acts up. I mean really an awful lot. Even being compared to the Jones, what's on television, other children they are exposed to, not enough family time, it could be anything, and everything. If the root cause is not addressed, the problem cannot be solved. Not even with violence, spanking is only a bandaide. a temporary way for the parent to get what they want, not what the child wants....which is usually attention, fairness, and just so much more....
Someone above posted something about kids self esteem being shot when spanked... I don't think that's limited to spanking. I'm sure kids don't appreciate a good yelling either. Unless, you're saying, that you shouldn't yell at your kids either? What are the other forms of punishment for a child misbehaving?
--Try thinking on a reward system. You do this for me, and I'll do that for you. That's how the world works. I'll wash your car, and you drive me to the store. it's a two way street. You can rule much better with a velvet hand, vs the iron fist. Punishing a child, will only cause them to lie to you, so they will not be punished.
We already know that the reason the child is acting up, as little to nothing to do with whatever that situation may be. exmp: Little Stevie was always such a god child, until.... his parents got divorced, he moved and started a new school, his best friend moved away, his parents have less time for him, is older brother acts up even more and gets even more attention, so now he must compete for attention, good or bad attention-doesnt matter which. There is so much involved with why a child would act up. That having the parent who is in full responsibility and is the direct reason for them acting up, that same parent will at last resort them selves for violence and place their blame onto the child. The child loses all the way around, sure the subconscious got some attention. but it is not the fault of the acting up child for their parents shortcomings.
Speaking of psychological damage - your argument was "if there is a risk, then why take it?". Surely you understand the concept of risk vs. reward? If you knew you could give your kid psychological damage by sending him to school (which I'm sure you appreciate is quite possible) then you would you stop sending them to school? Also, when considering this "why take the risk" - consider the alternative. What would you do if your kid was misbehaving, and do you really think it would be effective?
--It's an unnecessary risk. big difference. I have stated alternatives, that i personally use. I try and turn the situation into a game. I use comfort, calmness and understanding, I talk to them, i make deals, do this and I'll take you swimming, etc I do blow my top and yell, not all the time, but it does happen, and later i feel so bad. I'm not perfect, far from it, as I'm sure one troll to another would agree,lol
but my ultimate weapon is to ignore them, to remove myself from the situation and say, fine do whatever you want I dont care, and I leave. I forget about it. It's not a big deal. I'll wait until all calms down, and we can talk rationally, or they had a nap and aren't so cranky anymore, lol
then i will go into great detail about how this is why we do that, this, and the other....