Search
Not Logged In
0
Your Username:
Your Password:

[ sign up | recover ]

Discussion Forums » General Discussion
spanking?
0 likes [|reply]
20 Jun 2009, 13:14
wiggles
Post Count: 19
No, I thought that kind of spanking too lol. I thought it would be "do you like it?" "how hard?" types of questions lol.
0 likes [|reply]
19 Jun 2009, 08:18
~Nighty~
Post Count: 5
My beliefs? Well I am the one who had the entry on spanking.

I was abused as a kid. I've also had my share of spankings. Those are two totally different things. NO child should EVER endure abuse. That said...

I believe that spanking has its time and place in discipline, just as time outs, taking a toy away, ect do. Sometimes, you have no other choice but to spank them. I would never spank my child with anything that could actually hurt them.

Too many parents are too afriad to discipline their kids. Now, even a small smack on the rear is seen as abuse. Kids are only to willing to threaten to call Child Services. Kids run crazy. I would prefer running a well behaved household with mutual respect and love. The bible says, "Spare the rod, spoil the child." There is a reason behind that.

My mom spanked her kids, and her grandkids. All turned out perfectly. I was blessed to have a mom like her. A mother who believed in discipline, and in teaching right from wrong. Was that always her first resort? Hell no. She used other tactics. What I'm saying is when it was neccessary, she wasn't afraid to spank. That's what I believe. If it's neccessary, a parent should be able to do so.
0 likes [|reply]
19 Jun 2009, 08:48
.November.Butterfly.
Post Count: 210
thats not what the bible says. it depends on interpretation.
from askdrsears.com
6. HITTING IS ACTUALLY NOT BIBLICAL
Don't use the Bible as an excuse to spank. There is confusion in the ranks of people of Judeo-Christian heritage who, seeking help from the Bible in their effort to raise godly children, believe that God commands them to spank. They take "spare the rod and spoil the child" seriously and fear that if they don't spank, they will commit the sin of losing control of their child. In our counseling experience, we find that these people are devoted parents who love God and love their children, but they misunderstand the concept of the rod.
Rod verses - what they really mean. The following are the biblical verseswhich have caused the greatest confusion:

"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." (Prov. 22:15)

"He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." (Prov. 13:24)

"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." (Prov. 23:13-14)

"The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to itself disgraces his mother." (Prov. 29:15)

At first glance these verses may sound pro-spanking. But you might consider a different interpretation of these teachings. "Rod" (shebet) means different things in different parts of the Bible. The Hebrew dictionary gives this word various meanings: a stick (for punishment, writing, fighting, ruling, walking, etc.). While the rod could be used for hitting, it was more frequently used for guiding wandering sheep. Shepherds didn't use the rod to beat their sheep - and children are certainly more valuable than sheep. As shepherd-author Philip Keller teaches so well in A Shepherd Looks At Psalm 23, the shepherd's rod was used to fight off prey and the staff was used to gently guide sheep along the right path. ("Your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23:4).

Jewish families we've interviewed, who carefully follow dietary and lifestyle guidelines in the Scripture, do not practice "rod correction" with their children because they do not follow that interpretation of the text.

The book of Proverbs is one of poetry. It is logical that the writer would have used a well-known tool to form an image of authority. We believe that this is the point that God makes about the rod in the Bible parents take charge of your children. When you re-read the "rod verses," use the concept of parental authority when you come to the word "rod," ratherthan the concept of beating or spanking. It rings true in every instance.

While Christians and Jews believe that the Old Testament is the inspired word of God, it is also a historical text that has been interpreted in many ways over the centuries, sometimes incorrectly in order to support the beliefs of the times. These "rod" verses have been burdened with interpretations about corporal punishment that support human ideas. Other parts of the Bible, especially the New Testament, suggest that respect, authority, and tenderness should be the prevailing attitudes toward children among people of faith.

In the New Testament, Christ modified the traditional eye-for-an-eye system of justice with His turn-the-other-cheek approach. Christ preached gentleness, love, and understanding, and seemed against any harsh use of the rod, as stated by Paul in 1 Cor. 4:21: "Shall I come to you with the whip (rod), or in love and with a gentle spirit?" Paul went on to teach fathers about the importance of not provoking anger in their children (which is what spanking usually does): "Fathers, do not exasperate your children" (Eph. 6:4), and "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will be discouraged" (Col. 3:21).

In our opinion, nowhere in the Bible does it say you must spank your child to be a godly parent.

SPARE THE ROD!There are parents who should not spank and children who should not be spanked. Are there factors in your history, your temperament, or your relationship with your child that put you at risk for abusing your child? Are there characteristics in your child that make spanking unwise?

Were you abused as a child?
Do you lose control of yourself easily?
Are you spanking more, with fewer results?
Are you spanking harder?
Is spanking not working?
Do you have a high-need child? A strong-willed child?
Is your child ultrasensitive?
Is your relationship with your child already distant?
Are there present situations that are making you angry, such as financial or marital difficulties or a recent job loss? Are there factors that are lowering your own self-confidence?
If the answer to any of these queries is yes, you would be wise to develop a no-spanking mindset in your home and do your best to come up with noncorporal alternatives. If you find you are unable to do this on your own, talk with someone who can help you.

0 likes [|reply]
21 Jun 2009, 22:23
Shattered Dreams
Post Count: 23
^^^

This is correct.
Like, every part of it.
0 likes [|reply]
19 Jun 2009, 08:52
~Nighty~
Post Count: 5
Funny thing about the bible...it can be twisted to mean whatever someone wants. I believe it refers to the lack of discipline.

I am not afraid to discipline a child in the manner it requires. If it requires a swat on the rear end, then so be it.
0 likes [|reply]
19 Jun 2009, 09:18
an empty frame.
Post Count: 82
Ev, I thought it was gonna be a sexual topic as well.
0 likes [|reply]
19 Jun 2009, 20:52
starsmaycollide
Post Count: 408
I'm not going to judge people who choose to do it (my parents did, though I cannot remember getting it myself, I was too young, I think).
Some people think it works for them, and that is fine. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it to my own child, though. My husband and I hope to be parents in the near future and we have already discussed the issue and agree on it. It just wouldn't work with our personalities, if that makes sense.
0 likes [|reply]
19 Jun 2009, 21:09
Lunar Sea
Post Count: 128
Frankly, getting smacked a few times as a child has done me little harm. I never look back on the times with negativity. They are not bad memories.

However, my mother shouting, telling us we were bad children, implying she wouldn't love us when we misbehaved... Threatening to cut my hair off... Tearing up Mother's Day cards in front of me and telling me they meant nothing... Breaking her own stuff because our behaviour made her feel she didn't deserve anything...
Now those are bad memories.

I think there's a hell of a lot of emphasis on how you should never smack your children, but people quite happily say it's okay to use disappointment as a disciplining method without any conditions on that. Of course, I know that the examples I just cited are not what anyone meant, but what I'm trying to say is all forms of discipline can be taken too far and become emotionally damaging. Done within moderation and the right attitude with the right child is the key, in my mind.
0 likes [|reply]
19 Jun 2009, 23:43
.November.Butterfly.
Post Count: 210
gosh thats heartbreaking :( no form of discapline should be like that. my mum was alot the same and thats what worries me more than anything, she always says 'reflect it back on your self... say 'I don't like what you're doing, it makes me sad'' but she made me feel so guilty every time I was in trouble. i'm worried i won't find the right balance and make my daughter feel the same... its not right.
0 likes [|reply]
20 Jun 2009, 00:31
Lunar Sea
Post Count: 128
The extreme spectrum of any kind of punishment is negative. Taking away privileges, ignoring undesirable behaviour and trying to teach your child empathy by turning it around like that can all be unpleasant and unkind if you take them too far.

I guess the point I was mostly trying to illustrate was against the argument that smacking lightly on occasion will lead to smacking harder or other abusive behaviour patterns. It's not just physical discipline that can be damaging, and a loving parent would no more tell their child that they are undeserving of love than they would smack them around until they're bruised.

I probably shouldn't have used a personal example!
0 likes [|reply]
20 Jun 2009, 00:04
grunge.
Post Count: 247
Are you sure that your Mother didn't have some sort of emotional issue or something? Because it sounds like one.
0 likes [|reply]
20 Jun 2009, 00:26
Lunar Sea
Post Count: 128
She was mentally ill, so it's not the best example to give. I was mostly trying to illustrate how all kinds of punishment can be detrimental if taken to an extreme. :)
0 likes [|reply]
20 Jun 2009, 00:56
grunge.
Post Count: 247
Ah yeah thats what I figured, hmmm... I wonder if I was raised by my biological Mom if she would have punished me that way? Sometimes I am afraid that mental illness will show up later in my life as it had in my Mothers and Grandfathers? I do get like that when mad sometimes, that's how I recognized it, usually though to my own stuff that I make that I know that someone liked or liked, sometimes I do behave similar to that it makes me afraid.
0 likes [|reply]
20 Jun 2009, 00:56
Newmommy09
Post Count: 89
I believe in spanking. but there is a line that should never be crossed. Beating and spanking are two totally different things. If you are spanking your child and it isnt getting through to them then beating them SHOULDNT be the next step. The parent needs to find something other then beating the child that works. Every child is different. I spank my child all the time when he deserves it. when he doesnt listen to what I say then yes I will spank him..and with him it works. Sometime it doesnt but that doesnt mean Im going to "spank" him until he listens it means I need to find something that works. I was spanked and it didnt work with me I got spanked all the time but I was a horrible child..lol I never did what my parents told me to do..haha. So I got spanked all the time.
0 likes [|reply]
20 Jun 2009, 01:21
Azkabound
Post Count: 162
I'm pretty sure that whatever I have to say has been said before. As in:

-There's a difference between spanking and beating. I don't mind spanking in moderation but beating a child is not right. A swift smack on the ass is a reminder that 'hey--shouldn't be doing that'

-I think there are alternative punishments that may be better off and prevent the need for spanking. This varies between the child and the naughty behavior, really.

-I don't believe that a few spanks is going to make your child fear you. Mom spanked me all of two times that I remember and I consider her to be one of my best friends. I admire and respect her and think she did a good job of raising me. I threw a tantrum ONCE--she dealt with it, and I never threw another. I'm still bolstering that I'm a mundane individual in the sea of life. No violent urges, no criminal record... all and all average. :/

-Again; this applies differently to DIFFERENT people. I didn't have a difficult rearing. If my child tries to stick a fork in the light switch I'm smacking their hand away.
0 likes [|reply]
20 Jun 2009, 04:04
lithium layouts.
Post Count: 836
I was spanked as a kid, all my siblings were (there's 4 of us!) and I think we all turned out pretty decently. We were spanked when we were REALLY naughty and being little shits, so we most likely deserved it. xD It wasn't abuse, it didn't scar us for life, it was effective discipline, and it hurt at the time but didn't leave any bruises or anything (so we were never hit hard, and it was only ever one swift smack). My parents were and continue to be nothing but loving and supportive and just fantastic. xD

So in conclusion, it's not a bad way to effect discipline, if done correctly. And it doesn't mess kids up. The problem occurs from when it progresses from a simple smack in response to misbehaviour to beating.

I wouldn't say I avidly 'support' it, but I'm not against it either. To each their own! As for whether I'll use it as a parent, I haven't thought about it yet. xD
0 likes [|reply]
20 Jun 2009, 14:28
~RedFraggle~
Post Count: 2651
Well said. :)
0 likes [|reply]
21 Jun 2009, 02:51
DecentralizedByGuilt
Post Count: 460
there is no correct way to hit a child

people, especially children have a natural way of blocking out such horrible events, as the occasional swat.
who knows what may trigger all that emotion, anger, resentment, etc etc when they become an adult.

you might think you, and your siblings turned out okay. but it's really hard to say. they may be quick to anger, have a hard time fulling opening up to people, spanking forces children to lie to their parents, the cons go on and on forever.
There is no positive side to hitting children, none whatsoever
0 likes [|reply]
21 Jun 2009, 05:17
lithium layouts.
Post Count: 836
No, I don't "think" we turned out okay, I know we did. =) And I didn't block out getting smacked, I remember it quite well!

I can definitely understand kids who were beaten, or hit for doing things that weren't really all that bad, turning out 'not okay'.

But if you think that I, a university graduate with first class honours, now in my first year of med school, a young woman who can tell her parents anything and expect nothing but a warm reception and sound, loving advice, and who never makes a habit of lying to her parents, didn't turn out okay because I got a few (deserved) smacks when I was younger... well I would have to disagree. xD
0 likes [|reply]
21 Jun 2009, 05:55
DecentralizedByGuilt
Post Count: 460
You do not now if you blocked out the feelings or not. and you dont know if some fault you have, like a short temper, or w/e if it resulted from smacking.

what could you have possibley done to "deserve" to be hit? and why did your parent do that? did they just get home from work, favorite TV show was coming on. I know how the game is played. want to control children like robots, bec u finally get to be the boss, no more shall the dog suffer for your failed teaching capabilities.

and sorry to disappoint you, but i personally dont measure success by normal standards of look at what I memorized from others, how look at how much i can hoard (money/resources) in a world of abundance.
med student hey? Is it because you truly want to help, and love people...and aspire to be a Doctor without borders? Or is this another case of impressing mommy so you dont get smacked, i mean, lol a case of you trying to be somebody "successful"? the twisted type of success. the ego greedy highsociety type.
please do tell?
0 likes [|reply]
21 Jun 2009, 05:56
DecentralizedByGuilt
Post Count: 460
dont know* lol
0 likes [|reply]
21 Jun 2009, 10:59
Shattered Dreams
Post Count: 23
Flawless logic there, dipshit. Some troll needs attention. Move along, people.
0 likes [|reply]
21 Jun 2009, 15:53
DecentralizedByGuilt
Post Count: 460
suck a dick up until you hiccup fucktard
0 likes [|reply]
21 Jun 2009, 15:53
DecentralizedByGuilt
Post Count: 460
you have no entries TROLL
0 likes [|reply]
21 Jun 2009, 22:16
Shattered Dreams
Post Count: 23
Shh. No one wants to hear you.
It's okay. You'll survive.
Post Reply
This thread is locked, unable to reply
Online Friends
Offline Friends