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Discussion Forums » General Discussion
spanking?
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18 Jun 2009, 21:37
Transit
Post Count: 1096
Why don't you simply lock the door when you are nipping around when your son isn't in your sight all the time? You wouldn't leave the whole front door open so I don't see why you can't lock the dog door.
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18 Jun 2009, 21:52
Mami 2 ♥ 1
Post Count: 361
the dog door is broken and the cover doesnt fit on the thingy that holds it.
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18 Jun 2009, 21:35
icedxgraffiti
Post Count: 8
I think that being a toddler, when the child can look at you and laugh and do the exact thing that you've told them not to do, they know the difference between right and wrong. Or at least just not to do what they're trying to do. So therefore, I think a smack is in order.
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18 Jun 2009, 23:29
Lauren.
Post Count: 885
I agree. If they're old enough to understand "no" and time outs, they're old enough to know when they're doing wrong.
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18 Jun 2009, 22:05
DecentralizedByGuilt
Post Count: 460
spanking, smacking, hitting- is prove that a parent failed at teaching their child anything
It's only good to get their attention. but the long term effects are not worth it. spanking, smacking, hitting, causes children to be more aggressive.

descipline as nothing to do with hitting

watch and learn: Spanking is Unconstitutional

I left links in the side bar to ;)
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18 Jun 2009, 22:05
DecentralizedByGuilt
Post Count: 460
proof* lol
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18 Jun 2009, 23:08
Beautiful Lies
Post Count: 402
I think if your child gets out of hand and time-outs and grounding or taking away toys doesn't work, then a spanking should be fine (with your hand on their bottom. no paddles or belts).

Too many people are all, "omgs I can't spank my child it's so wrong and abusive." I say, fine. Don't spank that unruly little snot when (s)he does something wrong. But don't come crying to me when they get older and shoot you in the face over a time-out or a video game being taken away...
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18 Jun 2009, 23:12
♥ Steph
Post Count: 52
I'm kind of on the line. I don't want to say it's ever necessary because regardless of what people say I believe time outs DO work. It just has to be a punishment that's instilled when kids are young. My fiancees niece for example was the biggest brat you'd ever meet and her mom chose to spank her but when I watched her I would put her in time out. Granted I had to pull a supernanny and continue to put her in time out when she came out, but after doing that a couple times she learned that she'll sit in time out until she behaves. But I don't agree that spanking will cause self esteem issues and such. Hitting harder or hitting with something OTHER than your hand is a totally different story and crosses a line. I was hit when I was young and I won't forget the time I was hit with a belt and it's something I will NEVER do when I have children.
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18 Jun 2009, 23:20
Mami 2 ♥ 1
Post Count: 361
aggreed.
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18 Jun 2009, 23:40
Gem♥
Post Count: 132
My brother and I were both spanked as kids, but according to my dad, not until we were about 4. It was also very much a last resort type thing. And I was a SHOCKING kid, so I got spanked (with a plastic egg flipper which hurt like fuck) a lot!
In saying that, I probably wouldnt smack my kids. My parents doing it to me didnt mess me up, but it sure as hell put the fear of God into me, because it came to be more of a threat because it stung like anything!

Its a whole lot less socially acceptable to smack your kids now, so people get so angry when they hear that you do it, but as long as (as someone has already pointed out) it is not done in anger, and I don't believe in doing it to toddlers, then its ok. For some kids, timeouts and the like just doesn't work.
I'm a nanny and have worked with kids for a long time, and although I don't have children of my own, its actually harder to punish a kid who isnt yours, because there isnt an option of smacking them! You actually have to reason with them, because if the kids don't get a time out at home, giving one to them in a childcare situation doesnt work!
Talking to the parents is normally good though! as long as you know the parents well enough to know that if you tell them their child is misbehaving, they won't take punishment to the extreme!
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18 Jun 2009, 23:49
~*Pagan*~
Post Count: 378
I have four children and believe that a small smack doesnt hurt. Each to their own I guess but I see too many badly behaved children who run wild and who NO simply does not work on.
A small smack is not child abuse.
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19 Jun 2009, 00:17
♥ Steph
Post Count: 52
Agreed Lady.
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19 Jun 2009, 00:40
DecentralizedByGuilt
Post Count: 460
some of you just dont get it. No matter how many studies over 100 years have shown how spanking of any sort has the exact opposite effect the parent that run out of options has no patients shouldn't be having kids never took a parenting class, no matter how many studies were looked at for the past 100 years, showing that spanking, light smacking , etc etc causes children to become more aggressive, etc etc They just dont get it.
You wouldn't like your boss at work to smack you on the ass every time they want your undivided attention. Hey, Ms so and so 'SMACK' get back to work, put that cell phone away!
It' NOT okay to hit adults, and it's NOT okay to hit CHILDREN.
get that through your head, or else I'll run out of options and smack the shit out of you! LMAO ;D

If ones child is so out of control, because usually both parents work, they move around a lot, or just didnt spend teh time with them, teaching them from day one, and now because of bad parenting from teh start, the child get hits for their bad parenting. it's such bullshit
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19 Jun 2009, 00:50
Leona Wren
Post Count: 425
Here is how I see it:

I was spanked as a child. I believe that spanking, in reason, is OK up until a certain age. I would say up until around 8-years-old. I have a 17-month-old and she flat out tells me NO when I ask her to do certain things. I give her a time out, get down to her level and "chat it out" and if that doesn't work she gets three swats. With my hand, and my fiance laughs because she never cries. But I think the fact that I'm spanking her gets it across because she doesn't do it again. So it's not all about them feeling pain.

However, after about 8-years-old spanking is more damaging than effective. A child who is older will only get more pissed off at their parents for spanking them and become more disrespectful than they will respectful. My little brother was still getting spanked at 15-years-old and it made him become angry. Same with me.
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19 Jun 2009, 02:11
Makayla
Post Count: 751
Same thing happened to me. And I completely agree with you.
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19 Jun 2009, 05:41
DecentralizedByGuilt
Post Count: 460
the long term effects are not worth it. especially 8 and younger. even more so. They dont have the full capacity to understand why is mommy hurting me

a 17 yr old baby needs you to love them, not hurt them

they look to you for understanding, a teacher, safety, comfort....
you want them to be able to trust you

love your child

do not hit your child

it's not worth it

try teaching your child with compassion and understanding

not frustration

breath, relax....it's O KAY

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19 Jun 2009, 09:27
~RedFraggle~
Post Count: 2651
A 5, 6, 7 year very MUCH understands. They are certainly old enough to understand the difference between right and wrong and the concept of punishment.
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19 Jun 2009, 19:15
DecentralizedByGuilt
Post Count: 460
Good, then try actually teaching them. not hitting them out of your lack of parenting skills
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19 Jun 2009, 19:58
~RedFraggle~
Post Count: 2651
Why do you assume that parents who smack their kids occassionally DON'T try teaching them? Many parents who use a smack as an occassional last resort have tried all of the other methods first. And the children do know the difference between right and wrong. They just choose to ignore it. And for some children, the softly-softly approach just doesn't work.

My parents tried EVERY other method of discipline going with me... but still sometimes I would not give up, and a smack was used as only a last resort. Not every child is the same, and not every child will respond to every method.
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19 Jun 2009, 20:04
DecentralizedByGuilt
Post Count: 460
why would you even consider violence as any sort of resort. it's not. it's good attention getter, that all it is, and nothing more.
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19 Jun 2009, 05:46
DecentralizedByGuilt
Post Count: 460
ps. what do you say to someone that says they were spanked as a child, and there's nothing wrong with them? Children have a tendencies to block out traumatic experiences. Who knows what may trigger down teh road that resentment, anger, untrusting, etc etc to come out

sit on the couch, and let me tell you about how your mother f-ed you up up good LMAO
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19 Jun 2009, 06:56
Lady Lazarus
Post Count: 126
The last time I got a spanking off my dad was 15 also, and the last thing I have for him is respect. That being said, the first spanking I remember was about 4 years old and even then I remember thinking he must hate me to make me hurt like that and to look so angry... and after a few more spankings, all I wanted was for him to leave because I'd decided in my 8 year old mind that I didn't love him anymore. I guess I'm an example of a child where corporal punishment went wrong... and it depends on the child as well as the parent, so I guess what I'm saying is you are taking a risk with the relationship you have with your child. If your prepared to take that risk, go ahead and keep hitting them....
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28 Jun 2009, 05:23
trying4miracle#1
Post Count: 102
completely agree
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19 Jun 2009, 08:17
.November.Butterfly.
Post Count: 210
i think you're totaly right! children live to please their parents, and the thought of disapointing them should be enough to deter them from what they are doing! unless something has gone wrong in the parenting and theres no trust/respect bond there... for whatever reason that might be (starts from babyhood, which is why i don't leave my DD to CIO)
Toddlers and kids will push boundaries to test you, but if you're consistant and they have that trust bond then there should be no need to ever raise a hand.
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19 Jun 2009, 09:31
~RedFraggle~
Post Count: 2651
The thought of disappointing my parents certainly didn't work on me. I was a horror. ;D Nothing would stop me once I was in a full blown tantrum apart from a smack and being sent to my room. I had toys taken away, told I couldn't watch TV... and still I didn't give up (although those techniques worked better when I was older and e.g. there was something on TV I really didn't want to miss!). I was so stubborn. I was angry at my parents for not giving me what I wanted. When I was behaving like that I wasn't remotely bothered that they were disappointed in me!

Yet I still had a trust/respect bond with my parents.

You're making a lot of assumptions. The fact is, every child is different, the discipline should be altered to be appropriate for that particular child.
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