Something amusing I found that I will probably end up taking seriously when my own daughter is of dateable age! (thirty five!)
Application for Permission to Date My Daughter
Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
Date of Birth:
Social Security #:
Drivers License #
Boy Scout Rand and Badges:
Home Address, City/State, Zip:
Do you have parents? Is one male and one female? If No, explain:
Number of years they have been married, If less than your age, explain:
Accessories Section: Do you own a van? A truck with oversized tires? A waterbed? pickup with a mattress in the back? A tattoo? Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?
(If you have answered "yes" to any of the above, discontinue application and leave premises immediately. I suggest running.)
Essay sections: In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
in 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
References sections: Church you attend? How often?
Short-answer section: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
A woman's place is in the:
The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
What do you want to do IF you grow up?
When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
What is the current going rate of a hotel room?
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back).