Search
Not Logged In
0
Your Username:
Your Password:

[ sign up | recover ]

Discussion Forums » General Discussion
The Virginity Industry.
0 likes [|reply]
25 Apr 2010, 12:05
Acid Fairy
Post Count: 1849
Story taken from BBC News - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/8641099.stm

This makes me so sad. It's unbelievable how women are still treated in some societies.

Young Arab women wait in an upmarket medical clinic for an operation that will not only change their lives, but quite possibly save it. Yet the operation is a matter of choice and not necessity. It costs about 2,000 euros (1,700) and carries very little risk.
The clinic is not in Dubai or Cairo, but in Paris. And the surgery they are waiting for is to restore their virginity.
Whether in Asia or the Arab world, an unknown number of women face an agonising problem having broken a deep taboo. They've had sex outside marriage and if found out, risk being ostracised by their communities, or even murdered.

Now more and more of them are undergoing surgery to re-connect their hymens and hide the any sign of past sexual activity. They want to ensure that blood is spilled on their wedding night sheets.
The social pressure is so great that some women have even taken their own lives.
Sonia wants to remain anonymous for fear of reprisal. She is a slender young brunette studying at art college in Paris.
Although born in France, Arab culture and traditions are central to Sonia's life. Life was strict growing up under the watchful eyes of a large traditional Arab family.
"I thought of suicide after my first sexual relationship," she says, "because I couldn't see any other solution." But Sonia did find a solution.
She eventually went to the Paris clinic of Dr Marc Abecassis to have surgery to restore her hymen. She says she will never reveal her secret to anyone, especially her husband to be.

"I consider this is my sex life and I don't have to tell anyone about it," she says. It's men that are obliging her to lie about it, she says.
Dr Abecassis performs a "hymenoplasty" as it's called, at least two to three times a week. Re-connecting the tissue of the hymen takes about 30 minutes under local anaesthetic.
He says the average age of the patient is about 25, and they come from all social backgrounds. Although the surgery is performed in clinics around the world, Dr Abecassis is one of the few Arab surgeons who talks openly about it. Some of the women come to him because they need virginity certificates in order to marry.
"She can be in danger because sometimes it's a matter of traditions and family," says Dr Abecassis. "I believe we as doctors have no right to decide for her or judge her."
With Chinese manufacturers leading the way, there are now non-surgical options on the market as well. One website sells artificial hymens for just 20 (23 euros). The Chinese hymen is made of elastic and filled with fake blood. Once inserted in the vagina, the woman can simulate virginity, the company claims.

But this was not an option for Nada. As a young girl growing up in the Lebanese countryside she fell in love and lost her virginity. "I was scared my family would find out especially since they didn't approve of my relationship," she says. "I was terrified they might kill me."
After seven years in the relationship, her lover's family wanted him to marry someone else. Nada attempted suicide. "I got a bottle of Panadol and a bottle of household chemicals," she says. "I drank them and said, 'That's it'."

Nada is now 40, and found out about surgical hymen restoration just six years ago. She married and had two children. Her wedding night was a stressful ordeal. "I didn't sleep that night. I was crying," she says. "I was very scared but he didn't suspect anything."
It's a secret that Nada - which is not her real name - will carry to her grave. "I am ready to hide it until death," she says. "Only God will know about it."
But it's not only the older generation that subscribes to traditional views about sex before marriage, when it comes to choosing a wife.
Noor is a trendy professional who works in Damascus. He's fairly representative of young Syrian men in a secular society. But although Noor says he believes in equality for women, underneath the liberal facade lies a deep-rooted conservatism.
"I know girls who went through this restoration and they were caught out on their wedding night by their husbands," he says. "They realised they weren't virgins. Even if society accepts such a thing, I would still refuse to marry her."
Muslim clerics are quick to point out that the virginity issue is not about religion. "We should remember that when people wait for the virgin's blood to be spilled on the sheet, these are all cultural traditions," says Syrian cleric, Sheikh Mohamad Habash. "This is not related to Shariah law."
Christian communities in the Middle East are often just as firm in their belief that women should be virgins when they marry.
Arab writer and social commentator, Sana Al Khayat believes the whole issue has much to with the notion of "control".
"If she's a virgin, she doesn't have any way of comparing [her husband to other men]. If she's been with other men, then she has experience. Having experience makes women stronger."
It may be the 21st Century but the issue of virginity in Arab culture can still be a matter of life and death, especially for women like Sonia and Nada.
And while hymen repair may be a quick fix, it can't reconcile centuries of ingrained tradition with the attitudes of modern society.


It's that last speech that creeps me out; ' If she's been with other men, then she has experience. Having experience makes women stronger.'
I'm not really a feminist but this chills me.

0 likes [|reply]
25 Apr 2010, 12:15
lithium layouts.
Post Count: 836
I read just that bit and reacted in the exact same was as you...
0 likes [|reply]
25 Apr 2010, 12:50
Giggle
Post Count: 279
Being an Arab woman, I wish I could deny any of that but that is all completely true except the last part "If she's been with other men, then she has experience. Having experience makes women stronger" That's in no way what it is about! It's all about tradition, about the woman's virginity being her honour and a girl is judged on her ability to maintain it. Families here pride themselves on the reputation of their daughters. I do think that the reaction to breaking this certain traditional rule among Arabs is completely insane but it's so deep rooted it's gonna take hundreds of years to change it.
0 likes [|reply]
25 Apr 2010, 13:06
Acid Fairy
Post Count: 1849
Oh yeah, that's some nutjob's take on it. But even culturally, it's weird! It should be a person's own personal choice to remain a virgin, not their family's. Gosh, if my dad had had any say in it, I'd be a virgin for the rest of my life!
0 likes [|reply]
25 Apr 2010, 13:37
Giggle
Post Count: 279
Well, yeah everything concerning an individual should be their own choice but that's not what usually happens. Specially when you live in a conservative culture like ours.

Haha isn't that the case with all fathers? =P
0 likes [|reply]
26 Apr 2010, 20:24
ObsidianDreamer
Post Count: 50
So it's true? In the aspect of religous tradition you have to be a virgin to marry sometimes? And if your not they will kill you? But who decides if you die or not? And what if the male's thing is really small and he's just not properly equipped(sp?) to do the job? Because I know plenty of females who didn't bleed the first time, or the second, third or fourth time, but would after finding a partner big enough. So what's the cause of action in that case?
0 likes [|reply]
26 Apr 2010, 20:31
Giggle
Post Count: 279
No no no, it's not like that. Religion condemns having sex before marriage but that's all. It doesn't state in any way that a woman has to be a virgin to marry or that she should be killed if she's not a virgin. It's just that some Arab families are so strict with their traditions that they would kill their daughters if they ever had sex before marriage because they would've shamed the family. They're just being extremists, it has nothing to do with religion.
0 likes [|reply]
26 Apr 2010, 20:39
*Forever Changing*
Post Count: 847
I think being a virgin on your wedding day is amazing, and to be honest its something I will instill in my girls and let them know that its something I would very much like for them. If they arent a virgin when they get married I would be upset but I would still love them.
0 likes [|reply]
26 Apr 2010, 20:41
ObsidianDreamer
Post Count: 50
Oh ok. Its like that in a bunch of religions. I can totally understand this. Sorry about the misunderstanding ;)
0 likes [|reply]
26 Apr 2010, 20:33
Giggle
Post Count: 279
And in the case you're talking about the couple know where the problem is. They don't just go looking for the blood spot on the sheets. If it got way out of hand the girl would go to a doctor, be tested, and the doctor decides whether the problem is with him or her.
0 likes [|reply]
26 Apr 2010, 20:42
ObsidianDreamer
Post Count: 50
Oh ok..
0 likes [|reply]
25 Apr 2010, 16:23
Jessica [Private]
Post Count: 1751
I would be so screwed on this.
I didn't bleed at all when I had sex the first time.

And I sure as fuck wouldn't pay almost Two Grand to make some dude think I'm a virgin. No way.
0 likes [|reply]
28 Apr 2010, 16:07
raen
Post Count: 79
Me too, I didn't bleed at all for the first time either.
0 likes [|reply]
25 Apr 2010, 16:26
Mojo Jojo
Post Count: 278
Some Western women have this surgery done for their husbands as a wedding present, even if they've been sexually active with that husband before.
0 likes [|reply]
25 Apr 2010, 16:30
Acid Fairy
Post Count: 1849
Why? Losing your virginity hurts enough the first time!
0 likes [|reply]
25 Apr 2010, 16:31
Mojo Jojo
Post Count: 278
God knows why. Nothing less romantic than bleeding all over the place. Although my first conquest was so small, I didn't bleed (or feel...um...anything) and then I bled all over with my husband-to-be and gave both us of QUITE A SHOCK.
0 likes [|reply]
25 Apr 2010, 16:32
Acid Fairy
Post Count: 1849
Haha ;D
Well I lost my virginity outside at night, so the guy didn't see any blood. I didn't realise till I got back to my hotel. I'm thankful for that as I'm really squeamish!
0 likes [|reply]
25 Apr 2010, 16:33
Mojo Jojo
Post Count: 278
Oh ew. I wonder who had to clean THAT up in the morning...lol
0 likes [|reply]
25 Apr 2010, 12:36
The Ryan
Post Count: 415
Gosh, yo! Not all virgins bleed the first time! Or at least not in a really conspicuous way.
People are WEIRD.
0 likes [|reply]
25 Apr 2010, 13:07
Acid Fairy
Post Count: 1849
Very true, and hymens can be broken in a manner of ways. Just cos you don't have one doesn't mean you've had sex. Stupid virginity test is stupid.
0 likes [|reply]
25 Apr 2010, 16:04
~RedFraggle~
Post Count: 2651
I was about to say the same thing. And even if they bleed a bit it's not necessarily enough to spill over the sheets!

Lots of girls have their hymen broken before they've had sex, particularly girls who've used tampons or done a lot of sports, especially horse riding.
0 likes [|reply]
26 Apr 2010, 20:27
ObsidianDreamer
Post Count: 50
omg...really? Lol...imagine that, de-virginalized by horse/and or tampon
0 likes [|reply]
26 Apr 2010, 23:00
~RedFraggle~
Post Count: 2651
Lol. That's the point. Not having a hymen doesn't mean someone isn't a virgin.
0 likes [|reply]
25 Apr 2010, 14:25
Love Bipolar Inc
Post Count: 45
Getting your hymen repaired doesn't make you a virgin again. You still had sex. It's sad that in this day and age this kind of attitude towards women still exists in the world.
0 likes [|reply]
25 Apr 2010, 15:29
The Ryan
Post Count: 415
It would be great if Arab women refused to marry any man whose virginity could not be proven. They should go all: "I'm not marrying him! His penis has been in some whore! I'm worth so much more than that!" on their ass, and see how the Arab dudes like that.
Post Reply
This thread is locked, unable to reply
Online Friends
Offline Friends