Social Norms

04/17/2009

I've always been an easy target. Someone's always messing with me. I don't bother anyone, and in return all I want is to be left alone. With my family and my boyfriend. I don't have friends because I can't stand the narrow minded people in this world. I hate following trends, and I don't wear the same clothes as you.

That maybe true, but I have the same feelings as you. I get really upset when I'm walking down the street with my nephew and someone comes along and shouts something rude when I'm just trying to get along. I'm not an ignorant person, in fact I'm pretty mature for my age. I have something really important to me that some people in my fellow generation have forgotten about.

I would like to call it morals. I won't abandon them for anyone. And for some reason this just drives people nuts. Makes people stare at me like I'm crazy. I won't drink with you. I won't smoke weed with you. I won't compliment on how your self mutilation is cool. I'm not going to change my sexuality. I'm not going to bad mouth people who look worse than you.

I won't keep lying to you so you can cling to your only shreds of normality you may possess. ^{_{(Because there's no such thing.)}}

I use to have high expectations for society. Use to want to get involved. I wanted to help everyone even if they've never made an effort to help me. I won't help anyone any longer because people don't want to be helped. They want to be confined with their normal. They want their friends to depict for them what is beautiful, they want to tarnish their own individuality. They want to see only what's in front of them instead of everything around them.

There's no longer any broad perspectives. Nobody just enjoys the scenery because they're too obsessed with themselves to think any differently. ^{_{yes. this is a metaphor.}}

I've made this not because I want to bring people down, but because I've embarked on the wonderful journey to college. It's so narrow it makes my stomach queezy. I can't stand walking around the halls seeing all of the same people looking the exact same way, talking about the exact same things. I go to my classes and leave as soon as I can. I can't stand breathing the same air with these people, and even though I hold onto my morals and stray away from your "normal." I can't help but feel a slight pang of bitterness.

Somewhere in the pit of my stomach I feel wrong. Wrong for walking away from these supposedly "wonderful" college experiences. You know waking up drunk next to a total stranger on a lawn somewhere. But what stretches beyond that? Is that all we're good for? This is what people expect out of college students, and we're always up for living to everyone's expectations. It's how we're conditioned and how we were brought up to be. I can't help these feelings sometimes. It was how I was taught to be. I was taught to go along with these behaviors and disregard them as normal.

Is it wrong to feel so brain washed all of the time? I'm usually never this serious. But I guess I'm notorious for being quite unusual.

Am I really that strange of a person for keeping my morals and not going along with the social norms? Or am I really that fucking nuts?