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Emerald~Lies's Diary
by Emerald~Lies

previous entry: Sinderella

Down the rabbit hole

01/18/2020

So it's that time of the month again where husband and I are trying for that baby. Pretty sure I've been ovulating early but I'm not too sure. Bodily functions are very confusing, either way I think I'm a bit sick of trying. Having sex for the sake of trying for a baby can actually take the fun out of it all. Doesn't help that I'm having anxiety and paranoia issues. Husband's son, who is 10, after dinner came out with, "mum's all ready told us you and dad are trying for a baby." and my insecurities just come rushing back. Why does my husband feel the need to tell his Ex, the mother of his boys that we're trying for a baby? I've had problems with this before. He always used to moan and complain about her, saying the less he talks to her the better, then suddenly I find out, "oh we talk". Like hang on a minute, you told me that you barely spoke and now you're saying actually you're buddy buddy and talk all the time?? This was a while ago and we had a massive fight about it. I've never really forgotten about it and it still plays on my mind a lot. I have a lot of insecurities when comes to my husband and his Ex, even if she did screw him over a lot. She still has ties to him, and she'll forever be in his life because of the boys. Knowing that he's been talking to her about us trying for a baby feels like a violation of privacy. Why did he feel the need to tell her? Now I feel a lot more under pressure to fall pregnant. I feel like if I can't, she'll have that over my head, like she could give him children but I can't. There'll always be that tie between them that I could never have if we can't have a child ourselves.

I know it all probably sounds incredibly stupid and childish, but I can't help that that's how I feel. He's pissed off now cause he feels like he has to run everything by me now what he says, and we're sat at the opposite ends of the couch not speaking.....

 

Doesn't help that my cough has gotten worse, it kept me up all night, and I'm up at 6am for a 10 hour shift tomorrow ... cranky bitch, here I come. 

previous entry: Sinderella

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Yeah, that's weird that he spoke to his ex about you guys trying to conceive... She really doesn't need that information!? x [The RyanStar] [reply]