He promised me he'd never leave me alone... I shouldn't have believed him, but I was so in love with the person I thought he was, I was so blinded by that image that I didn't see the person he was turning in to. He deleted me. He broke off all contact, how could I not see that coming? How could I not see that the love I felt didn't go all the way through him? Why couldn't I have been guarded against his pretend love? So many questions are going through my mind, but I know none of them will be answered. I wish I could feel something for my new boyfriend. Maybe I am like my mom in that way, I don't think I can be alone. I need someone to hold me up. I can't fight for myself like I thought I could. Maybe I am weak for falling so deeply in love with someone that didn't want me. Is suicide the answer? No. I have to be stronger then that temptation. I have to fight for myself now. I can't let this break me again. I'm not going to let someone else pick up the little pieces of me this time. I'm going to hold myself together with the strands of integrity I still have. I know all of this sounds like a pathetic attempt at getting attention, but, I really needed to get this out of my head. Or, at least on some place that I know people read and are going through the same thing. Or maybe no one is going through this but me...Does that make me unique? Does it make me unusual? Or does it make me a ghost of the personality that once thrived in the smile and eyes on this body?
I guess I can write later.
I have to go and dwell on this some more. |
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that really helps