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Discussion Forums » General Discussion
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A question to SAHM's-
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14 Oct 2011, 21:45
Emily the Strange
Post Count: 195
If your husband came to you and wanted to swap positions in the household, what would you do? Like, if he said, "I'd like to be a stay at home dad, and you bring home the bacon." what would your reaction be, and how would you handle the situation?
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15 Oct 2011, 02:29
Lovin'MyLittles
Post Count: 322
I'd say no.
My Husband makes 4x the amount of money that I made when I worked 60 hours a week.
Our financial status would plummet and we'd be in debt. We'd have to move out of our home and down size, big time.
In addition to that, my Husband isn't the "Stay at home Dad" type -- he doesn't really know what our kids need half the time and he's not one to do the house work, etc.
We tried it one time, and I ended up working 40 hours a week and having to come home and do laundry, clean, etc. It just didn't work for us.
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15 Oct 2011, 04:55
*Forever Changing*
Post Count: 847
My husband is the "Stay at home mom" LOL
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15 Oct 2011, 15:58
starsmaycollide
Post Count: 408
If I could earn enough to make it work, I'd consider it. I think he'd be great at it, actually. I think he'd be well suited for it if it weren't for the fact that he earns more and he's getting the higher degree.
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14 Oct 2011, 22:32
.love.struck.
Post Count: 492
I'd take it and run. My husband thinks it's so easy what I do. I don't know how he can possibly think that! I've worked full time+ and being a SAHM is definitely the hardest job ever. I started working part-time recently and I'm loving it. I'd rather work during the day and get my breaks.
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14 Oct 2011, 22:54
Let It Be
Post Count: 226
I'm not a Mom in general, but my partner and I have talked several times about how he'll probably end up being the one who stays home with our kids during their early years. I went to college and he didn't so presumably I'll continue to be the one who brings home a better paycheck. Whatever works best for everyone in the family, it's not like there is anything a Mom can do that a Dad can't (other than breast feed, of course). But I can see how it may be strange for some families to switch those roles after they've already been established.
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14 Oct 2011, 22:56
Oprah Noodlemantra
Post Count: 300
When my dad left the Marine Corps, he became a SAHD, and my mom kept working full-time. I honestly preferred having my dad at home more often because when he did work (military and then he became a cop) I never saw him. My mom's job isn't exactly dangerous (she works in the mayor's accounting office), and I know she'll most likely come home at the end of the day, but having my dad there was nicer. Plus he always let us get away with more shit than she did. :P
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14 Oct 2011, 23:08
Lady Lazarus
Post Count: 126
Mine already is... sort of. We both work part time, but he does nights and I also go to university so he spends a lot more time at home with the children than I do... I miss my kids like mad, but as happy as I am with their dad, I'm not going to leave my welfare (or theirs) solely up to him... it's not that I don't trust anyone else to provide for my kids, I just trust myself the most.
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15 Oct 2011, 08:48
.November.Butterfly.
Post Count: 210
unless he wanted to take up breastfeeding, that probably wouldnt happen. but i'd say no! he doesnt have the patience to look after the kids, or how to give them anything else they need, he cant cook either.
i was in hospital for three days and when he came to visit me with my daughter, she was in a dirty dress, hair a crows nest, over tired and whingy and had lived on sausages and a pasta salad from the local shop. lol.
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15 Oct 2011, 16:22
Transit
Post Count: 1096
I wouldn't be fussed if it was my partner or me staying at home, or if we worked alternate shifts so one of us was always at home
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16 Oct 2011, 00:08
.Blue Bella.
Post Count: 743
I'd let him if we remained in the same financial status as we are now. As it is though, he earns more than I would in my job and it would be back stepping. I don't think he'd ever want to.
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16 Oct 2011, 02:47
& skull.
Post Count: 1701
if i have kids i'll be at home with them. my other half will earn two or three times what i earn at the moment, so it'd make more sense because we'll be able to live more comfortably. also i work in retail which drains my soul, so i'd be pretty happy to never have to do that again.
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17 Oct 2011, 01:37
Fiat
Post Count: 288
If I had to work, I would. I'm a SAHM and my husband is our sole income. I have a degree which is a nice backup plan. Ideally though I'd like to stay home with the kids.
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17 Oct 2011, 04:52
Emily the Strange
Post Count: 195
Follow up question: For those of you who said no due to the husband's earning potential, does your husband have a higher level of education? If not, what is the reason for the wage difference?
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17 Oct 2011, 08:02
Bellatrix Lestrange
Post Count: 234
{First of all, I'm not married but. . .}
To answer the follow up question, I would never go for a guy with a lower level of education than me.
The higher the better.
Personally, I wouldn't want to be married to a guy, who doesn't have any decent qualifications or ambition in life.
I could never be with a guy, who only wants to lounge around all day doing nothing. Grr. Lol.
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17 Oct 2011, 14:28
starsmaycollide
Post Count: 408
@follow up question- My original answer was that yes, I'd consider it if we could work it out financially.

While my husband is still in grad school for his PhD, technically I could earn more than him with the right job (I have a Masters in teaching, he is being paid a stipend) but it hasn't worked out that way. First teaching jobs are scarce-and then since having a baby, I stayed at home awhile, then worked part time, and am now choosing a lower paying full time position because A) It's what is available in this economy and B) it will allow me to bring my son to work.

Once he graduates, there's no question he has far more earning potential.
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18 Oct 2011, 02:02
Lovin'MyLittles
Post Count: 322
@Emily - I have a practical nursing degree, which averages uhh about 17.00 an hour. When I was working 60 hours a week (so 20 hrs OT) I was able to make 42k a year. My Husband has his associates degree and is a contractor and we own our own business now - he made over 200k last year. There's just no way my job would/could/ever make that.
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17 Oct 2011, 07:56
Bellatrix Lestrange
Post Count: 234
I think that both in a marriage should contribute with looking after the children and financially supporting the household.
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17 Oct 2011, 16:41
valerieeeee
Post Count: 274
@Lady Bellatrix: both in a marriage should do both? if both parents are working to financially support the household, the kids would have to go to daycare, which would cost money. and if they worked opposite shifts, they wouldn't ever be home together; just one at a time. why have both work if one income is enough? that way the kids wouldn't have to go to daycare, and the whole family will have more time together. daycare is expensive.
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17 Oct 2011, 16:53
Bellatrix Lestrange
Post Count: 234
@ valerieeeee ;

Oh, I didn't think of younger children. I was thinking more of when children were at a school age.
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18 Oct 2011, 02:04
Lovin'MyLittles
Post Count: 322
@Lady - just saw the part about school age. Once all of our kids are in school, I'll probably go back to work or school again. :)
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18 Oct 2011, 02:03
Lovin'MyLittles
Post Count: 322
@Lady Bellatrix - I think, in our case, it'd be silly for me to go back to work to contribute to our finances. My Husband works a job where he is on call 24-7-365. We don't need for me to work, we aren't hurting for money, and the amount of money we'd have to spend on daycare for me to work.. it wouldn't be worth it. In addition to that, it's not worth it to be away from our young children.
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17 Oct 2011, 13:45
♥ jes
Post Count: 135
For my situation, it was me and would be me if one of us were to stay home again... He makes a decent amount for where we live, so I'm ok with that. And he should be getting another raise soon. I stayed home - but worked in the office at my family's fitness center - for the first 6/7 months of her life, then worked during the summer, then was home again for 8 months. I love being a SAHM, but I love money, too. Plus with me being "part-time" now, I'm home 3 days now instead of 2.
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17 Oct 2011, 23:51
Fiat
Post Count: 288
Follow up response:
I have a higher level of education than my husband, but his job still makes more than I'd make as a teacher.
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18 Oct 2011, 04:43
Winged Centaur
Post Count: 301
I am still in school, but say five years in the future I will be teaching, and my husband will be working in the geology field. Even with my masters and being on a higher pay grade for teaching, I would never make as much as my husband would in the geology field. If he goes on salary at his current job, even though it's entry level, he'd be making more than me as a teacher. Jobs in his field pay very well because there is more demand than supply.

My income as a teacher would likely be enough to support us if my husband wanted to stay at home. If he wanted to switch roles, I'd be okay with it. But I just don't image he would. Before he got this job, he left very depressed that he wasn't fulfilling his "role" as husband and frustrated that he wasn't using the knowledge he learned in school. Now that he is working, he fills very satisfied.
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