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Discussion Forums » General Discussion
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Coming out of the closet...
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3 Feb 2011, 02:12
kel-sy
Post Count: 70
Give me thoughts on "coming out" (as in telling others that your gay or accepting it yourself). Explore people.
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3 Feb 2011, 03:36
Lovin'MyLittles
Post Count: 322
It wouldn't phase me one bit if someone I was close to "came out" and said they were gay. I'm a huge advocate for gay rights and human rights in general, and I would feel no differently towards them. I think it's really a sad thing that they feel they have to "come out" to begin with, implying that they ever had to hide their true feelings.
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6 Feb 2011, 01:03
kel-sy
Post Count: 70
Thanks everyone for your input. I don't do well on the "non-offensive" front, because I don't have a lot of friends that get offended by much. I'm a super gay (well, human rights in general) supporter, so I was definitely not trying to offend anyone here. :)
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3 Feb 2011, 02:27
Jessica [Private]
Post Count: 1751
I personally don't think it's necessary. It doesn't effect me one way or the other if someone is gay, I don't feel that they should need to tell me (or anyone else) that they're attracted to the same sex.

I suppose I can see why someone would feel it's something they need to do... but I still don't think anyone needs to do it ;D I mean, I don't tell people I like dudes.
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3 Feb 2011, 02:46
kel-sy
Post Count: 70
If you're gay, you're going to have to do it eventually, whether it be by telling their parents, friends, etc. or just randomly showing up somewhere with their partner. I think it's important to talk about it, because by not acknowledging it at all is almost as if you're lying to yourself. I'm not saying go around telling people "Oh I'm gay btw." But more or less telling people that are closest to you, because it is something that isn't widely accepted and there is a lot of complications with being openly gay, where there isn't being openly straight (unless you're a slut of course lol).


(BTW I'm writing an essay on it, so I'm basically asking the following:

If you are (or could imagine being) gay, what are the trials that go along with coming out?
If you are a parent, how would you feel if your son/daughter "came out" to you?
If you are a child of someone who is gay, how would you feel if they "came out" to you?
As a friend, how would you feel/respond to your friend "coming out" to you?
As a member of society, how does it affect you or make you feel seeing gays out there?
Or any religious feelings/thoughts are acceptable too.)
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3 Feb 2011, 03:39
Lovin'MyLittles
Post Count: 322
If you are (or could imagine being) gay, what are the trials that go along with coming out? -- I'm sure you face being judged, criticism, being "disowned" by "old fashioned" family members. etc...
If you are a parent, how would you feel if your son/daughter "came out" to you? -- I'd feel no differently. I'd welcome whatever lifestyle choice they make and love them just the same as before.
If you are a child of someone who is gay, how would you feel if they "came out" to you? -- Neither of my parents are, to my knowledge, gay.
As a friend, how would you feel/respond to your friend "coming out" to you? -- More power to her/him and I'd do whatever I POSSIBLY could to support them.
As a member of society, how does it affect you or make you feel seeing gays out there? -- It makes me sad that they're classified as being any different than us. It makes me sad to know that people who have known each other for days can go and get married and get it annulled a week later like it's a damn game, but a lesbian couple who's been together for longer than I've been alive, cannot legally be considered married. It's a damn crying shame to me.
Or any religious feelings/thoughts are acceptable too.) -- Whoever created us.. created people to be different. If they're gay, they're gay. I don't believe it's a choice and I don't believe it's anything they can chose to "not" do.. that would be like telling a straight person to stop being straight and to start kissing someone of the same sex because that's whats right.. We wouldn't dream of doing that, but that's exactly what people and our society tell homosexuals. It is wrong on so many levels.
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3 Feb 2011, 03:51
*Forever Changing*
Post Count: 847
I love you steph. Just sayin!
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3 Feb 2011, 05:49
Lovin'MyLittles
Post Count: 322
I love your face Mindi! :)
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3 Feb 2011, 06:24
Jessica [Private]
Post Count: 1751
You can't love her face! :(
I love her face!
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3 Feb 2011, 15:25
Lovin'MyLittles
Post Count: 322
Well, ill love it on M,W,Friday. T,Th, Sat you can love it. on Sunday, she gets a break! Lol
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3 Feb 2011, 15:51
Jessica [Private]
Post Count: 1751
@Stephanie: This works for me ;D
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3 Feb 2011, 06:35
an empty frame.
Post Count: 82
You don't need to tell people you're straight because you don't lose anything by being straight. When you're gay, you have a lot to lose. The respect of your family, workmates, peers, friendships you may risk losing because they assumed you were straight and by not telling them the truth they feel they were being lied to... Your family members may feel disgusted by you, and more often than not complete strangers are disgusted by you... Growing up, it is confusing and hard to come to terms with the fact that you are different to what feels like everybody else in your school. That's just the beginning of the things you have to think about. It's a LOT to carry on your shoulders, so yeah you need to tell people, if you don't you find you are keeping more and more of yourself from others and you begin feeling fake and invisible.
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3 Feb 2011, 10:46
.November.Butterfly.
Post Count: 210
If you are a child of someone who is gay, how would you feel if they "came out" to you?
I'll answer this one as though its more common than people think, i'm sure theres not all that many of us.
my dad came out when i was 15. the way my parents told me wasnt really the best way, we were talking about being gay and joking, and my mum said ' what would you do if your dad was gay' and i said it wouldnt bother me, and then she just came right out and said 'your dad is gay.' my response to this was 'you're joking right?' and she said 'do you want me to be?' and at that point i ran out of the room crying. probably not the reaction my dad wanted, but it wasn't the being gay i was crying about, it was the shock of having to reevaluate who I thought my dad was, and for a long time i felt very lied to. As I got older i realised my dad had kept this secret because society just didn't accept gays in the past like they do now, he was protecting himself and trying to keep his parents happy by getting married and living the so called 'normal' life.
I've got a few gay and lesbian friends, and so to me theres nothing odd about it, love is love. Of course when my dad says he's got a boyfriend it does mess with my head, he had a serious internet relationship a while back and was planning to marry. I've never seen him with a man in a relationship and I don't know how i will react because its something different....and thinking about your parents with anyone else man or woman is a bit weird isnt it? Having a gay dad means he's more sensitive, has a better fashion sense (though sadly he hates shopping DOH lol missed out there) and you can sit and talk man prettiness. its fun. I wouldnt change him for anything.
What is harder is other peoples opinions though, not so much the general public but when it comes to my husband, and i know my sister has the same issue with her boyfriend, men tend to feel uncomfortable with it like he's going to jump them or something. my DH accepted it very easily, but jokes about it alot, we've lived with my dad and he obviously doesn't feel threatened by it, but my sister's boyfriend is uncomfortable with it. but thats because he just hasn't had gay friends and realised that they don't just jump any man going (i wonder where that idea comes from?! i dno't know why people think like that!)
essay enough?! haha
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3 Feb 2011, 11:57
& skull.
Post Count: 1701
people being gay doesn't bother me at all. who someone else finds attractive is none of my business, unless it's me and i don't feel the same way. can't be leading a person on. lol.

as long as people don't go into gross, unnecessary detail about their sex lives then i'm pretty cool. and my brother's aren't allowed to ever tell me about their sex lives. i don't care what they're having sex with.
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3 Feb 2011, 15:27
ღPhoenix
Post Count: 126
If you are (or could imagine being) gay, what are the trials that go along with coming out? I'm bisexual. I've never "come out", i just throw it randomly into conversation with people who dont know, the friends i have are rather accepting. I havent told my family, they would more than likely disown me.

If you are a parent, how would you feel if your son/daughter "came out" to you? I love my son to tiny little bits and i dont care if hes gay or straight, he's still my son, and i'm going to love him just as much as i do now.
If you are a child of someone who is gay, how would you feel if they "came out" to you?N/A
As a friend, how would you feel/respond to your friend "coming out" to you? i have many a gay friend and bisexual friends....my best friend in highschool actually told me he was gay, it brought us a lot closer, he didnt feel like he had to pretend anymore....
As a member of society, how does it affect you or make you feel seeing gays out there?
Or any religious feelings/thoughts are acceptable too.)
i personally dont care. Black, white, gay, straight, we are all people. We all cry, we all laugh, we all have our shit to deal with and have to try to make it through this life....people are people are people...simple. Everyone should be treated the same.
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3 Feb 2011, 20:39
br!na
Post Count: 14
If you are (or could imagine being) gay, what are the trials that go along with coming out?
I was terrified of coming out to my family! They have always been religious, live by the bible, anything different is wrong type of people! I came out to my mom during an argument one night. She cried and I cried. I thought she would throw me out and never speak to me again. After that night, she didn't want to talk about it for a long time. She didn't believe me, thought I was going through a phase, the normal reaction. When I met Melissa, my mom was civil, but didn't go out of her way to be nice. Now, 5 years later, she loves Melissa, she calls Melissa her daughter and will tell anyone who will listen that I'm a lesbian. lol It just took time. My sister was shocked when I first told her. But she came to terms with it very quickly. She, too, will tell anyone! The rest of my family....I don't talk to them much anymore. They still don't accept it. Which is fine with me. And I've also lost a lot of friends because of it. But the ones that really matter have stuck by me! I'm happy with the way things turned out. Even though I lost people along the way, and it was a very hard road to take. I'm me, and being gay doesn't change that! :)
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3 Feb 2011, 21:31
mixie
Post Count: 196
If you are (or could imagine being) gay, what are the trials that go along with coming out? It will test every relationship you have with anyone you tell. Some people you may know they won't care. Others, you may even decide not to tell them. But, as a social species, humans want to be accepted for who they are. Personally when I meet new people I do not hold back: I don't explicitly say, "hey I like women," but if the subject comes up, I don't shy away or try to avoid it. With other people... such as my family, it does get more complicated. My dad knows but my mom doesn't (unless my dad told her, which I wouldn't mind, but I'm not about to tell her). My mom's parents don't care because the homosexual and especially trans- communities are a large and celebrated part of the culture in the Philippines (although it is more acceptable for men than it is for women). My dad's parents I barely even know since they always lived far away, so I don't see a need to tell them. My friends all know, because I make it a point to surround myself with good people and people I would like to be like.

If you are a parent, how would you feel if your son/daughter "came out" to you? It depends on what they are "coming out" as. I have some very controversial beliefs about sexuality that have nothing to do with this topic but it most definitely would affect the conversation I had with my child-- BUT I would always be proud of my child for who they are. Especially because I know from personal experience that coming out to a parent takes a lot of courage.

If you are a child of someone who is gay, how would you feel if they "came out" to you? Hmm, I don't think this would affect me at all. I might worry about how it would affect my parents' relationship if one of them decided later in life that they are just accepting their own homosexuality. But otherwise, my feelings about my parents have nothing to do with what sex they feel most attracted to.

As a friend, how would you feel/respond to your friend "coming out" to you? I have had several friends come out to me, and it's mostly, "that's awesome! I'm honored you think enough of me to tell me." It is usually followed by a conversation about what I think they should do regarding telling others, dating, etc.

As a member of society, how does it affect you or make you feel seeing gays out there? I have no idea what this means. "Seeing gays out there" what exactly do you mean by that? I don't differentiate homosexuals from the rest of the human population when I think about "the world."

Or any religious feelings/thoughts are acceptable too. I do not commit myself to a specific religion, but I have studied many and the fundamental principle in most religions (now, I'm speaking of fundamental religions, not radical offshoots of them) is compassion and kindness. I think anyone religious should be accepting of someone regardless of who they date/love/whatever. It is not our place to judge anyone else, unless they are hurting or threatening you in some way.
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5 Feb 2011, 16:46
F C U K
Post Count: 134
If you are (or could imagine being) gay, what are the trials that go along with coming out?

Worrying what people would think and how would they react to the situation, would I still be accepted? Mostly anxiety issues. I know that my Mother would go ballistic, hand me a bible, preach to me how sinful my life is and how I'm going to hell.

If you are a parent, how would you feel if your son/daughter "came out" to you?

It wouldn't matter to me, as long as said child is happy.


If you are a child of someone who is gay, how would you feel if they "came out" to you?


Surprised probably something I could have gone without knowing for a while and learn to accept it.


As a friend, how would you feel/respond to your friend "coming out" to you?

I have lesbian friends and well nothing ever changed for me, I rarely judge people it's more of their actions that I critique than anything but people will always be people.

As a member of society, how does it affect you or make you feel seeing gays out there?

Gay people are awesome.

Or any religious feelings/thoughts are acceptable too.)

N/A
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5 Feb 2011, 18:36
just samma;
Post Count: 204
If you are (or could imagine being) gay, what are the trials that go along with coming out?
It is different for everyone. I can from a really accepting family so i didn't have many trials coming out to them.
I did lose a few friends, but by then i had already expected it so i wasn't much hurt.

If you are a parent, how would you feel if your son/daughter "came out" to you?
My kids are going to be coming from a 2 mama household so i don't really think there will be any problems there.
I've taken a lot of time to research & become alias to other members of the LGBTQ community so if i were to ever feel challenged with my children sexuality or gender identity i could easily reach out & learn more.

If you are a child of someone who is gay, how would you feel if they "came out" to you?
I have a couple of friends who have gay parents & they've said that although it was a shock they didn't really see a problem with it.

As a friend, how would you feel/respond to your friend "coming out" to you?
It really doesn't bother me. I've helped several friends navigate the coming out path & was really supportive about it.

As a member of society, how does it affect you or make you feel seeing gays out there?
Heh. "how do you feel seeing gays out there?"
That is slightly offensive & humorous at the same time.
I feel just fine about it. It makes me smile to see another same sex couple out together.

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6 Feb 2011, 08:09
Betch.
Post Count: 111
If you are (or could imagine being) gay, what are the trials that go along with coming out?
---I honestly can't say that i'd have any, thankfully. A great deal of my friends are gay, and those who are not, are not homophobic whatsoever. My family thankfully is very open minded, and would never think of me any less if i came home with a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend.

If you are a parent, how would you feel if your son/daughter "came out" to you?
---Listen, if as a parent your biggest issue in life is that your son/daughter is homosexual, you've got a pretty sweet deal, dude. For me, it would be a non-issue all together. I really would not care in the least, if your child is happy and not a total shithead, you have nothing to worry about, period.

If you are a child of someone who is gay, how would you feel if they "came out" to you?
---I'm not, so i feel kind of assuming answering this, but if one of my parents just came out to me, honestly... For my mom, really i dont think i'd care. As long as she's happy. And my dad, meh, might be a little weird at first, just because he's always been mr. manly man but i'd get over it quickly, again, as long as he's happy.

As a friend, how would you feel/respond to your friend "coming out" to you?
---It's happened, and honestly all i feel that i can do is just..be a friend. Be supportive, if they need someone to talk to, listen, and accept them for who they are. If your someone's friend, you're not friends with them just because they're straight, or just because they're gay. It's because you've got a lot in common, and their sexual orientation should have extremely little to do with that.

As a member of society, how does it affect you or make you feel seeing gays out there?
---PDA always grosses me out, homosexuals and heterosexuals alike. Otherwise i really..again, just dont give a crap.

Or any religious feelings/thoughts are acceptable too.)
Atheism ftw.
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11 Feb 2011, 16:43
Estella
Post Count: 1779
If you are (or could imagine being) gay, what are the trials that go along with coming out?

I'm not gay, but am asexual, so this is part imagination and part observation. Straight is the default. People make all kinds of comments in conversation which assume you are straight, and the only way you can truly be part of the conversation is to let them know your sexual orientation. If they don't know, that is an essential aspect of yourself which is hidden, and a barrier to communication and closeness with those around you. However, if you talk about it, there is the danger that people will say 'Why does s/he feel the need to talk about it/throw it in my face? I don't talk about the fact I'm straight - why on earth should s/he talk about the fact s/he's gay?'

Another barrier is knowing who to tell. Obviously there are many instances where it would be inappropriate, such as telling the cashier in the grocery store while you're buying your bread and cheese. But with people you will be spending a lot of time with and whom you will be developing friendships, then you naturally want to be able to refer to who you are and have mutual understanding. But with each friend, you never quite know how they will react, and whether this will increase closeness or actually form a barrier. This doesn't only apply to sexual orientation, but also to other aspects of yourself.

If you are a parent, how would you feel if your son/daughter "came out" to you?

I'm not a parent, but using imagination I would feel glad that they were able to confide in me, and also worried on their behalf, knowing that society doesn't always accept gay people and that it might be difficult for my son/daughter to adapt to this.

If you are a child of someone who is gay, how would you feel if they "came out" to you?

I'm not the child of someone who is gay. However, if my dad turned out to be gay and 'came out' to me, I'd feel jolly proud of him, considering he is a bit of a homophobe!

As a friend, how would you feel/respond to your friend "coming out" to you?

In this situation I feel glad that they are able to confide in me. I've never been in the situation where a friend I've known for years has come out - it's more when I meet new people and they mention it. If a friend I'd known for years suddenly came out, I'd probably ask quite a few questions, as I'd be curious about when they knew, and how they felt, and why they'd waited so long to tell me. With new people I don't tend to ask questions. Well, when I was a teenager and I met my very first gay person, I did ask a few questions as to the specifics of how sex was anatomically possible, but nowadays I don't ask such questions (mostly because the first gay person I met answered them for me! ;D)

As a member of society, how does it affect you or make you feel seeing gays out there?

It doesn't. It's not something I really think about, and I tend not to pay attention to who's snogging who, so it's not like I'm 'seeing gays out there'.
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11 Feb 2011, 16:55
Estella
Post Count: 1779
Oh, I just remembered - a friend I knew for years did come out, although he didn't say so outright, but brought his partner to a wedding we were both attending. Many of our mutual friends were at the wedding, and he hadn't come out to any of us before this. To be honest, I didn't actually realise this guy was his partner - being asexual, I don't think in those terms, so I just assumed he was a friend. Some other friends had to spell it out for me. I don't think anyone actually said anything about it to him - it was just this guy's way of letting us know without having to tell us. But I did want to let him know that this made no difference to our friendship (I think I feel a particular need to do this because people can sometimes assume that because I'm a Christian this may cause a barrier) so in an email to him (we were in different countries) I asked how he and the other guy were getting on - thus referring to them as if they were a couple. This gave him opportunity to talk about the relationship to me if he wanted - and he did in his email of reply.
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12 Feb 2011, 17:41
Meghans Follie
Post Count: 433
never understood the need to announce you're gay.. straight people dont go around to friends and family and say "I need to tell you I'm straight'... just live your life
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13 Feb 2011, 12:14
Aubrey;
Post Count: 377
@Meghan's Follie -- I think the reason people feel the need to "come out", as la rana said above, is because being straight is the default. So if you're not straight, then yeah, the burden is kind of on you to let other people know. It's not like "coming out" is going to every single person you know and being like "I'M GAY, EVERYBODY! GAY!" But when it affects communication by hiding it, then yeah, coming out is a good idea.
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13 Feb 2011, 16:03
empire state
Post Count: 3
there you go !
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