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Discussion Forums » General Discussion
For married people and people in relationships.
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27 Aug 2009, 13:29
Newmommy09
Post Count: 89
My BF and I have been dating for a little over a year and I think its been long enough to talk about marriage and things like that. He thinks it hasnt been long enough. So my question is if your married how long into your dating relationship did you start talking marriage and babies and such and how when did you know you wanted to be with that person forever? For the people who are dating how long have you been dating? If its been for a while have you talked about marriage at all?
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27 Aug 2009, 13:47
bakerjessica87
Post Count: 86
My husband and I got married 8 months after we got together... but had been good friends for like 4 years beforehand...We got together in October 2004 ... got engaged in December 2004.. married in June 2005.. we talked about babies the whole time but didn't stop BC pills until May 2006.. We had problems conceiving.. just now got pregnant in June 2009.
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27 Aug 2009, 14:02
Endless Love
Post Count: 102
My husband and I got married 5 months after we started dating BUT we have known each other for 7 years. Babies, well babies were talked about, but not for a couple years.. And well I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after we got married,
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27 Aug 2009, 14:04
xanderthebuttmonkey
Post Count: 43
I don't remember when we started talking about marriage, I know we decided it would probably happen for us pretty early on, within maybe 6 months to a year. We actually got engaged shortly after we had been together 2 years, and after we'd lived together for a year.

I'd suggest trying to get him to at least talk about it, he doesn't have to commit to anything but it would be nice to know if the relationship has the possibility of going anywhere.
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27 Aug 2009, 14:16
Newmommy09
Post Count: 89
I do try and talk to him about it but all he says is Oh i havent thought about it lately. I guess it could have to do with our situation right now. Both of us arent working and were both living with our parents. I keep thinking that maybe once we both get jobs and he at least gets a house then maybe it will become a more serious subject ya know. But I want to talk about it now but he just thinks im living in a fantasy world
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27 Aug 2009, 14:51
Aspiring Boxer
Post Count: 169
My example probably isn't the best but I started dating my fiancee in February. 4 months later, she proposed to me and I accepted. We both know in our hearts that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. We just celebrated our 6 month anniversary and don't plan to get married until at least next year, September at the earliest. We might wait two years-it's a long engagement.

I think it's important to talk about that stuff because then you can find out if you guys are really compatiable, have same morals, the same way you want to raise kids, how many kids you want (if any).
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27 Aug 2009, 16:35
Makayla
Post Count: 751
Well it's hard for me to give advice on this because I got pregnant with my boyfriend's baby only after 4 months of dating. Thank God, he didn't go running into the night screaming like a little coward..lmao. But we now have been together over 3 years. We have talked about marriage. We didn't talk about it until on into the 2nd year we were together tho. If he thinks it's not time to be talking about those things, then it's not time, even though you are ready. If another year goes by, and not another word said about what he thinks your future might hold then you might want to question what he is wanting out of the relationship.
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27 Aug 2009, 16:46
.Amber.
Post Count: 260
Don't rush it. If he doesn't think it's been long enough, then he's not ready. If you try pressuring him into talking about it, he's going to bolt. You both have to ready. At the same time.

I knew I was in love with my husband (then bf) 3 weeks into the relationship, and I let HIM bring up the subject of marriage. I was only 16 then, so it was just touching base on what we wanted in the future. I knew 6 weeks into the relationship that he was going to be the one I married (hence the reason I lost my virginity to him, then).

I found out I was pregnant after we'd been dating a little over a year. I was just getting ready to start my Senior year of HS. Even then, we only touched base on marriage. We knew we would eventually - but we both had to be ready. No rushing because we had a baby coming. We didn't get engaged until just before the baby turned a year old. So we'd been dating almost 2 years before we got engaged. And further more after that, we didn't get married until Oct of last year. Which was over 4 years of dating. Though - we'd lived together for 2.5 years before we got married.

And, I got pregnant with our second baby (planned) on the honeymoon. And we're done with babies now. I'm 21, and he is 24.

So I mean it all depends...but seriously - if he doesn't want to talk about it ... don't keep nagging him to. He's obviously not ready.
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27 Aug 2009, 21:11
Jessbabyblue
Post Count: 26
I haev been with my bf for 6 and a half years. Jas and I talk about marriage. Kids we would like but with the economy and the way things are going that isn't in the picture right now at all. After like a year I think we started talking about marriage. We want to get married and what not and live together again but money isn't there so none of it can happen at all right now. We do have 2 dogs together which are like our kids and all but not the same i know.
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28 Aug 2009, 01:42
Lauren.
Post Count: 885
My husband I started talking future (as in marriage and kids) about 4 months into the relationship, I knew around that time that he was the man I wanted to spend my life with, too. We got engaged after 11 months of dating and were engaged one month shy of 2 years, and have now been married 13 months.

Obviously different people take different amounts of time to get to that certain level of commitment, but maybe you should sit down and ask him WHEN he thinks that he'll be in the place where he can visualize a future with you. I think men are also slower at reaching the marriage level than women are, too :P. I think it's extremely important for you to have this conversation with him, because if he's NOT going to grow to that level with you, then it's important that you find out sooner rather than later. You don't want to spend that amount of time with someone who may or may not ever want to marry you, if marriage is indeed what you're wanting with this person.
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28 Aug 2009, 01:48
Lovin'MyLittles
Post Count: 322
My fiance and I met in early November of 2008. I knew from day one that I was meant to be with him. We started talking about marriage in January of 2009. We got engaged at the end of January 2009 (he didn't waste any time at all!). We're currently planning our wedding for April of 2010 - so roughly a 15 month engagement. We plan to start trying summer of 2010 :)
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28 Aug 2009, 02:27
Mistress Sarah
Post Count: 45
Absolutely everyone is different, you really just need to judge things based on who he is and who you are. Honestly, the best thing you can do is wait and see how it goes, talk to him about it when he's comfortable, and don't get upset if he says "im not ready".

My boy and I have been together about a year and a half... it's vaguely there in the background, we know it will happen, but neither of us is rushing it. We have the rest of our lives to do get married and have kids together, we don't need to rush.

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28 Aug 2009, 12:52
.Blue Bella.
Post Count: 743
My partner and I have known each other nearly 11 years. Dating for 2 and a half years. Have a baby, she is 2 months old. We knew we wanted kids, but I had fertility issues. She was a bit of a surprise, so didn't really have the full on discussion. Marriage has come up in conversation, but probably won'thappen because he doesn't believe in it.
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28 Aug 2009, 15:44
*~Loving You~*
Post Count: 507
Hmm I just got married Saturday -- so we didn't even talk abt marriage or nothing till he purposed 2 me (I was surprised)

I just knew he was the 1 I was nervous with a lot of "what ifs" when it was clsoer to the wedding but I knew he was the 1 I wanted 2 be with
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28 Aug 2009, 15:45
*~Loving You~*
Post Count: 507
And for kids I asked him out of the blues I was like "honey just curious u want kids in the future? If so how many? What do u see ur self in like 5 yrs"? And I must had dated him for a few months at that ti.e we moved in together when I asked
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28 Aug 2009, 18:18
Acid Fairy
Post Count: 1849
Woah, I just broke up with my bf of a year and a half and marriage was so far in the future it was never even worth discussing!
I don't intend to get married until my thirties anyhoo! I think in England it's kind of frowned upon more if you get married so soon after being together, compared to other countries.
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30 Aug 2009, 15:07
~RedFraggle~
Post Count: 2651
I think that's true. If Bloop is representative (and it's probably not), then there's a lot of very young married couples in the US (as in married under the age of 23). That is extremely unusual in the UK though. In fact the only couples who get married that young here tend to be the hardcore Christians who don't believe in sex before marriage (and there's less of them here to start with).
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29 Aug 2009, 08:42
Jessica [Private]
Post Count: 1751
I'm not engaged or married, but I've always felt that it was one of those things you talk about when the time feels right.
Some people feel right after a few months (my grandparents got engaged after three months, married at five. Would've been together 70 years this summer. He died 20 years ago.) and others want to wait a few years (like my parents who got divorced ;)).

Going by my family, I'm more inclined not to wait haha.
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30 Aug 2009, 20:21
trying4miracle#1
Post Count: 102
Me and my husband got together Feb 13, 2005. After about 3 months of being together we started talking about how he figured by the end of the year we would be engaged. Sure enough Nov 5, 2005 we got engaged then we got married Aug 26, 2006 and just celebrated our 3 year anniversary. It's different for everyone. We haven't had any kids yet still wanna wait a little longer and get a few more things paid of so we can get caught up enough that I'll be able to stay at home after I had the baby.
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31 Aug 2009, 03:34
.xoxo
Post Count: 263
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years, and I want to get married but he doesn't. People feel differently at different times, and I wouldn't rush it if he doesn't feel like you guys should be talking about it then you'll just push him away if you keep trying to talk about it. Everyone is different, while my boyfriend and I have been together for so long we are only 21 and we're too young to be married in my opinion. (That is just for me, if you got married young than that's fine but I don't feel ready to be married yet!) I don't want to be married right now, but I want to be married eventually, but if I bring up married he gets kind of quite and doesn't want to talk about it at all.
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31 Aug 2009, 07:09
Villy
Post Count: 204
I think it depends on the situation.

My sister was with her husband for 8 years before they ever got engaged.
I have a friend that got engaged after 3 weeks, and they've been married for about 5 years now.
I was with my ex for 3 months before he proposed. We were together for 5 years, and I dodged a MAJOR bullet by not marrying him. I've been with my current boyfriend for almost 2 years, and while I sometimes think I might want to marry him, sometimes I'm not sure.

Its all very dependent on the people involved.

The important thing is to not push it. If HE doesn't think its been long enough, then it hasn't been long enough FOR HIM. Out of curiosity, how old are you? I only ask because, in the grand scheme of things, a year really isn't that long.

Just don't rush it. Don't pressure him.
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31 Aug 2009, 14:38
Newmommy09
Post Count: 89
Im 23 and he is 33.. I guess maybe im more ready for the married life and family life because I also do have a 3 year old son and im ready for that..he on the other hand isnt so I know thats marjor problem that I have to work on with him not being ready ATM
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31 Aug 2009, 13:23
ICky VICky
Post Count: 78
ive been dating my current boyfriend since Dec. 5 08 and we talked about marriage like by jan. maybe since hes older but it came about since his religious views are stronger then mine and he wants a church wedding while i could settle with justice of the peace and BIG reception well a nice place to for the wedding since our wedding party will be small anyways. As for babies his parents brought it up before we really discussed it. Since they want grandchildren he on the other hand is driving me nuts on that issue depending on who hes around depends on his answer to that topic so we decided puppies and kitties first. lol
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31 Aug 2009, 13:23
ICky VICky
Post Count: 78
ive been dating my current boyfriend since Dec. 5 08 and we talked about marriage like by jan. maybe since hes older but it came about since his religious views are stronger then mine and he wants a church wedding while i could settle with justice of the peace and BIG reception well a nice place to for the wedding since our wedding party will be small anyways. As for babies his parents brought it up before we really discussed it. Since they want grandchildren he on the other hand is driving me nuts on that issue depending on who hes around depends on his answer to that topic so we decided puppies and kitties first. lol
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27 Aug 2009, 14:26
& skull.
Post Count: 1701
i guess it was like a year before we got to talking about babies and the like, but it was hypotheticals. nothing solid. it's been four years and we're sort of serious about marriage, well i am. he's sort of not. well he is, but he's lazy. lol.
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