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It's been a long time!
by ~Just the 3 of Us~

previous entry: Melts your heart

next entry: Name/Love/School/Holiday-very long!!

I guess....

09/23/2010

I'm just a bad mommy...
It has been a ridiculously long time. I've been mostly lurking with an occassional comment here and there. Facebook is a great thing but it has caused a lot of "damage" to diary sites like Bloop, IMO.

So, apparently it seems as though I'm a bad mom. At least, that's what I hear every damn time I turn around. "You need to nip this in the bud, you need to nip that in the bud" blah, blah, blah. I'm getting very sick and tired of being told what I need to do, not only as it relates to Henry but also as to the status of my "divorce". No, I have not filed, nor do I have the money to file, NOR do I have the TIME to fill out the inch of paperwork that is required for me to do this without an attorney (cheapest). Also, I don't know that I will be able to GET full custody without hiring an attorney but I'm damn well going to try. Why not?? I have full custody now. The ex doesn't want any responsibility really. He just wants to come over and "play" with his son whenever he feels like it. Yes, he watches him while I go to class or do some of the things I have to do, but it's always at MY house. Which means, my food, my A/C/Heat, my electricity. I don't have a space that is just mine and I swear to god, I am going to explode soon. I'm expected to work full time to pay for the basics for me and Henry, go to school so that I can get the better job to afford the basics plus whatever else I want for Henry and I'm expected to be a full-time parent every other waking (or sleeping) minute of the day and not have a life of my own outside of these things. I understand that this is called parenting, etc. But that does not mean that I can't have ME time to do nothing, or run around the house naked, or clean my house from top to bottom without being interrupted, or (god forbid) go out on a date/just go out. Certainly can't do anything fun like that!

Whatever. I'm just pissy. Hell, I'm always pissy these days. Nothing new there. Henry is a bright, loving, social and funny child. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong. I just wish people would leave me the hell alone sometimes. Oh, and since I know there will be questions, the things I should "nip in the bud" are the fact that he wakes up in the middle of the night and comes to my bed. Well, in 2-3 years from now, the kid is barely going to want to acknowledge that I'm his mother, much less give me any attention. I'll take the attention now while I can get it. It's not like he's displacing anyone at the moment! hahaha The other thing is that he's too clingy. I don't know what else to DO about this one. I tell him he needs to play while I do homework, or dishes, or whatever and he will for a little while. But if I try to go outside to have a smoke or go to the basement to do laundry, he gets hysterical and tries to keep me from leaving. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that daddy comes and goes as he pleases and he's afraid mommy will start. I've tried and tried to get Henry's father to take him regularly so that Henry can get used to time away from me but he's always refused or said, yeah, soon. He says he's finally taking him over night this weekend...we'll see.

Aren't you so glad you took the time to read this entry? Nothing like lurking forever and a day and then coming back here and bitching about my life. Ugh. There's a lot of things I don't like about my life right now but it is what it is and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's just a pin prick right now, but it will grow. I know this....I just have to keep surviving without losing my sanity.
Designs by Jess

previous entry: Melts your heart

next entry: Name/Love/School/Holiday-very long!!

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i think you're an amazing mom and i don't see why anyone would say differently. divorce is fucking expensive, and there's no problem with you not having the money or time to deal with it. fuck what other people think.

[brooke♥|0 likes] [|reply]

You are a great mom, those people can all suck it. Seriously.



♥Mindi

[○MindiStar|0 likes] [|reply]

[mrs mandy mooStar|0 likes] [|reply]

I have been where you are right now when I left Reagans dad...and it sucks- but honey, keep your eye on the prize...that pin prick....know you have love and support from those who know and love you...I am part of that group! Here if you need to talk and/or scream!

Yep...I was here!

[SproutStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Pagan tag

YOu are doing a fantastic job under trying circumstances xoxo

And I hear you re letting Henry come into your bed. They are little for such a short time, we may as well enjoy those midnight hugs!

[~*Pagan*~Star|0 likes] [|reply]

Hang on in there. You will do OK.

~ Hugs ~

[just del|0 likes] [|reply]

You are doing a great job. Many people couldn't deal with it all. Fuck what other people say. There's always someone there to tell you what you're doing wrong or could do better, but just remember they are not in your shoes and it's always easy to say you would do differently or do better but usually those people are the ones who never do anything but tell other people what to do with their lives. =)

[Makayla|0 likes] [|reply]

Sounds to me like you are doing what most moms in your situation would do. Lillian was very clingy when sunshine and i divorced...she still is to some degree and shes 8. its a comfort thing.
Sounds like your Ex needs to step up and do the right thing for his son, be a consistant parent. the poor kid is confused and its showing up in the clingy stuff.....hang in there....it will get easier...for now, do what feels right to you and screw everyone wh says its wrong!

[ninga|0 likes] [|reply]

yes, I'm very glad I took time to come read this!! oh honey...I've been there. When I was going through my divorce I felt the same way. I got told all the time how much I was screwing my kids up (mostly from my mom!) and yanno what? They are turning out pretty good. And the M&Ms wound up sleeping with me for several years. It was the only way we got any sleep b/c they'd cry and cry and wind up asleep on the hall floor. I figured my bed, at their bedtime, was better than that. And yanno what? They don't do it now...they outgrew it. It's fine. Some ppl let their kids sleep with them til they are teens. You do what you think is best for your child and your situation and don't listen to any one else!!!!! (((HUGS)))

[*Stealth Bombshell*|0 likes] [|reply]

On Nick Jr there are a bunch of different shows, well they took 4 shows (Backyardigans, Dora, Kai-lan, and Wonderpets) and put them on a stage show.



♥Mindi

[○MindiStar|0 likes] [|reply]

James was sometimes sleeping in my bed until last year. do what your mother's heart feels right

[ceruleandolphin|0 likes] [|reply]

So many of us here know exactly where you're coming from and it sucks! And I hate dads who think they can just "play" when they want. My ex said Maverick is "starting to get fun" and i about threw up. It made me sick to know he was finally interested in his son. No more diapers, spoke in full sentences, could throw a ball, could feed himself...yep, that's the time to step it up! Now he has 3 kids, and he didn't have to deal with pregnancies or babies!

[Party of Five|0 likes] [|reply]

No problem & thank you for the welcome back (: xo♥

[@ElenaRosemary|0 likes] [|reply]

RYN: yeah Lucy is so cute!!

[grumpieisme|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC: No, she was 23 or 24 I believe when she had me? She was super young in that picture though. I made her a Grandma at the age of 39 LOL

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC: Nope! No changes as far as the birthing center goes. They can handle the IV and the antibiotics, no big deal. It's not even a constant IV drip.. they'll leave the port in but I only have to get a dose once every 8 hours.

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]

Thank you!

[desperate housewife|0 likes] [|reply]

Being a parent is HARD work, I don't care what anyone says. It doesn't matter if they have ten kids and you only have one.. What works for one doesn't always work for the other. To heck with all those negitive people.

Thanks for the welcome comment

[~*~Bly~Jette~*~|0 likes] [|reply]

Ryc. She does have some pudge around her belly. But not a lot kwim?

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]

Ryc.. yeah that's what i keep thinking too. As soon as she starts her monthly she will thin out. I was just wondering. I think as her mom its hard to see the extra weight like the doc does. I think we are going to get her tested tomorrow

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]

See that's the thing that worries me, he is really good at rolling from his back to his belly, but he hasn't been able to roll from his belly to his back yet. His arm gets in the way and he doesn't know what to do with it.. lol

[Tiffani|0 likes] [|reply]

I am glad I took the time to read it. Jake is getting clinging too, but I actually blame the baby sitter, she carries him around the whole time he is there, which is only a few hours a week, but its enough to make him think I can't be in a different part of the house without him! You have a right to be pissy. People just need to relax. Maybe they don't like certain things we do as parents but who cares? They aren't their kids and they don't have to deal with it. Thanks for your note by the way. Tough love is why I'm TRYING to tell myself I'm giving him....

[LittleMighty|0 likes] [|reply]

Yeah I had some people telling me that. I guess we'll just go see it and get a babysitter for her. Then I'll know if I'll let her watch it when it comes out on DVD.

[Mommy♥f2+1Star|0 likes] [|reply]

Sometimes lol. Thank you.

[Mommy♥f2+1Star|0 likes] [|reply]

ryc: She's still very critical. She's off of 3 of the 4 blood pressure meds they started her on, but they are still keeping her sedated, only waking her periodically to check limb movement and such. She's been trying to breathe over the ventilator a little on her own, but it's still gonna be several weeks in the hospital.

[*Stealth Bombshell*|0 likes] [|reply]

I've done basically just that I'm already down to about 3-4 cigarettes, now..I just smoke a few drags through out the day Thank you so much for the comment though! I really appreciate any support/advice

[Expecting#1 |0 likes] [|reply]

I've gotta agree with everyone else...anyone who is trying to say that you're a bad mother is absolutely bat shit crazy! They don't know a damn thing! Only YOU can decide which way you want to parent your child, and if he wants to come to your bed occasionally..so be it! That's YOUR choice! And ex's can be a total pain in the ass, I hope he steps up..but from my own experience with my father...don't count on it ...you DO deserve a little peace and quiet some times though, so if/when the divorce goes to court..that could be something you do fight for..(maybe dad takes him a few hours 2 days a week or something?)..you're only human, hun! Good luck though, and thanks again for your comment <3

[Expecting#1 |0 likes] [|reply]

RYC: Yeah, I was told not to "diet" also -- but the problem is that I plan on BF'ing for 12-18 months, and I don't want to wait that long to start trying to lose some weight.. I'm 5'5 and I weigh 237 lbs.. that's obese. I need to lose it and I'm the most motivated that am in 2 years. After I had my son, I've lost about 36 lbs -- most of it was pregnancy weight, surgery, etc.. but I've stopped losing and I've weighed this steadily now for 8 weeks.. so I'm going to have to do something else to kick up some weight loss/calorie burn.

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]

Ryc: May I ask why?

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC: Thank you for explaining I try so hard not to judge. I am so passionate AGAINST circ'ing that I have a hard time trying to get past my own beliefs and understand others.. I really do try to understand.

I've been with both.. my Husband is Circ'd.. and we've always (sorry if this is TMI) had a problem with lube issues. It makes sense because he's circ'd and that's one of the "problems" with circing, is that the coronal ridge pulls lube out instead of keeping it in (like a non circ'd penis would) and because of the decrease in sensation, my Hubs ONLY likes rougher sex.. and I DISLIKE rougher sex.. so sometimes it gets frustrating for both of us. Another issue is that they took TOO MUCH from him so the skin from the base of his penis is pulled too tight on the shaft and causes pain sometimes too

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]

re nicotine patch: He's too "proud" to take one. Doesn't want anyone to know he was "THAT" needy. (He thought he was hiding the fact that he was still smoking from us...but we all knew)

[*Stealth Bombshell*|0 likes] [|reply]

Brian and I are not divorced yet, and I would not file the bankruptcy until after we are divorced. He has decided to take on his debt and I will take on mine so it will be easier to file after the divorce. I'm thinking around the end of July beginning of August when things calm down.

The attorney I'm almost positive I will be using is fantastic and has told me that if I file bankruptcy right now it can help me; but only if I don't make this mistake again!

[queenbutterflyStar|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC: I didn't even think to look into that. I'll talk to him about this. THANK YOU

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]

Ryc. They did put her on an antibiotic.

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]

We paid our rent on the 15th of March and got the key that day and started moving in. We started staying here on the 20th of March. She claims that she needs our rent so she can pay her own bills, fine.

She says our rent is due the 1st of every month and something about pro-rating. I guess paying the rent for example on the 1st of May will cover May 15th-June 15th. And when we pay June 1st it will cover June 15th-July 15th and so on and so forth. And when we finally decide to move, she can give us our deposit back since we'll already have our last month covered to the 15th (of whatever month we move) if it keeps going like this.

[Mommy♥f2+1Star|0 likes] [|reply]

We have Angel Food, but you have to buy them or use food stamps to get them. And I haven't been able to get any info on any other assistance place like that, like a food bank.

[Mommy♥f2+1Star|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC: I usually say my mind if I really think it's worth it.. but in some cases of extreme ignorance and total lack of giving a crap.. why waste my time and energy anymore LOL I think it just bothers me when I see kids who obviously just want their Mom to love them a little bit more and she is incapable of showing it because she's so wrapped up in herself and her personal drama. As a teen Mom myself I used to get so defensive when people would say things about young Moms having kids but SERIOUSLY that's part of the reason why some women do NOT need to have kids.. they get too caught up in boys to worry about their kids.

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC: yes, I do, I have a lady I write to in IL, we swap a monthly swap and everything



♥Mindi

[○MindiStar|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC: They tell us that she should have by now but maybe by a year now. We will do MRIs and a scope to make sure there are not underlying conditions causing it, such as fluid in the part of the brain that controls swallowing.

[[Baby Of Mine]|0 likes] [|reply]

Yeah, it goes on from there but i didn't want to put the rest on here.

[Depressed&Alone|0 likes] [|reply]

As long as I can get this house cleaned and in order and get my new furniture here before the baby is born, that'd be great,.

[Mommy♥f2+1Star|0 likes] [|reply]

RYCs: The IUD I am talking about is the Mirena, I am just uber nervous about it. And I would love more info on Scentsy!



♥Mindi

[○MindiStar|0 likes] [|reply]

I emailed you the chart.

[Mommy♥f2+1Star|0 likes] [|reply]

Ryc: I'm not taking testosterone. I'm not going to be a tenor... still a contralto/mezzo, but my gender identity is just going to be separate from my work as a singer. Does that make sense? Haha, probably not.

[chiaromezzo|0 likes] [|reply]

Ryc: No... my gender will still be male, I just won't advertise my gender when I audition. That's what doesn't make sense to most people. haha

[chiaromezzo|0 likes] [|reply]

Ryc: Right! Lol! I'll dress the same way I normally do unless I'm onstage and required to wear something else. It's confusing as hell even for me. lol

[chiaromezzo|0 likes] [|reply]

[chiaromezzo|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC: No spoilers! Promise

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]

you know it took me a long time to get to the point where I don't wanna contact her. She was in my life for so long.

[fullofdreams|0 likes] [|reply]



RYC: Sorry! I was going through my friends list and deleting people and I must've deleted you by accident. I was trying to delete people who'd deleted their pages etc.

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]



RYC: Thank you. I'm just upset and frustrated. If he wanted to contest it and argue, why didn't he just fill out the simple papers they sent him and mail them in and we could've had a court date? It would've saved the stress from Keira, and it would've saved my Aunt $500. It's just another sign of how inconsiderate and selfish he is, he doesn't think or care about anyone but himself.

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]

Were you breastfeeding as well? All of the LLL material I received as well as the four breastfeeding books I read said that breastfed babies are OK to feed more frequently because breastmilk does not have the same fat content as formula. Formula is just much more fattier than breastmilk.

We have tried the pacifier, she does take it sometimes, but other times she will seriously just want to nurse. And I just won't refuse her to nurse on me right now.

[queenbutterflyStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Just to let you know, you're doing exactly the right thing. Boobs respond to babies suckling to make more milk, so if she wants to feed more, let her and it'll settle down quickly. I fed 'on demand' my eldest for 22 months and my new baby for the lat 10 weeks and neither of them had a pacifier - bf babies generally don't need them.

[Mojo Jojo|0 likes] [|reply]

ryc; thank you!

[JellykaStar|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC: Thank you!

[RaisingBeanStar|0 likes] [|reply]

ryc: Because I don't want him to. In the last 8 months, he's suffered through his father leaving, his mother having a major breakdown, his father moving house three times, his mother having a new baby and moving house himself. He gets very little stability and I am trying to make sure he's as secure as possible before I put him in any sort of daycare. When I leave him, even just to go to the shop, he has a massive screaming fit because he doesn't think I'm coming back.

[Mojo Jojo|0 likes] [|reply]

Also, I'm not getting divorced right now either. Got enough other shit going on without opening that can of worms! People need to butt the fuck out

[Mojo Jojo|0 likes] [|reply]

Oh shit sorry, I misread your question, I thought you were asking why my elder son isn't in daycare. I don't want to put my baby in daycare until he's fully weaned from the breast and able to communicate fairly well. My elder son didn't wean til he was 22 months and has only recently been able to tell me properly what he wants. Also, in the UK, daycare is paid for/assisted by the government after a certain age

[Mojo Jojo|0 likes] [|reply]

I haven't really found one yet I'm just searching online. I'm trying to find something in my daughter's size that still looks child-like instead of teen-ish. It's hard. LOL

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]

I'm not there much either. I'm working a lot right now. My boss is planning to retire in a few months, so I'm taking on extra work to save up. I will likely be staying home the first of the year and working only when Aaron is home. Should be interesting!

[Party of Five|0 likes] [|reply]

You seem focused. You seem to know what you want and that's a good thing. When I went through my divorce I didn't know which direction I was headed or what I wanted. It's really tough and it's o.k. to be pissed off. I don't like people telling me what to do either, so I won't give any advice other than for you to follow your own queues.

[jkblooz|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC: I just looked and you're right I'm sorry! I was half doing the calculations in my head. I think we may start trying in April and see where it gets us. I'd like a Feb-June baby this next time around.

AF= aunt flo

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]

Ryc: No, she's just too dense to realize that it's a political statement. Her stupidity is usually harmless, though, so we let it pass

[Hidden DepthsStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Divorce is difficult, expensive and time consuming--and that's not even talking about dealing with the Ex! I don't think that people understand that if they haven't been through it. It took my sister about 2 years to get everything done with her divorce and she had an attorney... You just can't win sometimes.

And re: The clinginess? Most 2 yr olds go through it! It's common separation anxiety. It should get better with time and with consistency.

Just breathe I've never read you before but I'm sure you're doing the best that you can ♥

[Hidden DepthsStar|0 likes] [|reply]

I'm glad you enjoyed it

I've seen it a few times in some SS+HG stories I've read, and I usually put him with Ginny, so I thought I'd change it up a bit LOL.

[MJC|0 likes] [|reply]

ryc; thank you...

[eringetic™Star|0 likes] [|reply]

I texted a friend of mine who works out there to ask him what his hours are. Just to see if I can carpool. But idk yet.

Nathan called and asked his mom if she could give me a ride and she said yes.

Hopefully I can figure something out about babysitters and getting there.

My dad just called me and said no one said get a job, he needs to get a job not you.Blah blah. Oh well .I want to work so I'm gonna.

[Mommy♥f3Star|0 likes] [|reply]

I'm working on it right now. I'm just having issues with explaining why a character was gone and what they had been doing, but hopefully I will have it up tonight.

~MJ

[Melinda James|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC: Strep in adults is WAY more serious than in kids. I would never not consider treating myself....ever. Strep in adults is serious and many people do not realize that (as you found out). Strep in kids FORTUNATELY is not as serious and the possible side effects in a baby as young as Kinsley is very rare. Its kids (and adults) 4 and older that need to treat strep ASAP. We are definitely going to be seeing an ENT but the doctor said her biggest risk is passing it along to others...which to me is not reason to treat her alone (if I keep her away from others). I need to just go ahead and get my tonsils out since I get strep so much too. Its weird, I used to get it all the time until she has born and since then I have only gotten it once.

[[Baby Of Mine]|0 likes] [|reply]

It's 2 weeks of classroom training & 2 weeks of floor training answering simulated phones. We have a bunch of tests to pass before we can go to the floor and answer real phone calls. They make sure everyone meets the qualifications. We get certificates when we pass training.

[Mommy♥f3Star|0 likes] [|reply]

You're very welcome . Thank you for wanting to continue to read them

~BLC

[Mrs.Snape's Writing|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC: LOL apparently so did my best friend. she said she had tears running down her face. hahahaha.

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]

I have to agree with you. Some of the online community are really decidedly odd; unlike all us BDSM practitioners who are, very naturally, extremely practical and sensible! Umm, do I sound convincing yet? LOL! xxxx

[~~redsilk~~|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC: Honestly, no. Nothing is going to make her personality less annoying, but I'd be more tolerable and I'd be willing to forgive her, if she made an honest attempt at an apology that I thought she actually meant. So far, all she has done is make pitiful excuses for her behavior and justifying why she behaved the way she did, etc. She's never said "You know what, I was wrong. I shouldn't have said or done what I did, I did it with bad intentions and I shouldn't have over stepped my bounds. I'm so sorry for what I did/said about you, I'm sorry I have upset your family, and I'm sorry that I hurt you." - and I'd be willing to make a step in that direction.

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]

Sometimes "clingy" is just a part of who they are - my 6 yr old hates to be alone - she is very social and an extrovert even playing barbies she tries to involve me in the play, my 4 yr old really likes to have time by herself she will play for hours just alone and gets stressed if she has too much time with other peopel - they are all different - your the mum you know your child - trust in your instincts

[Memory|0 likes] [|reply]

i didnt realize that you werent on my friends! now you are

[snapdragon|0 likes] [|reply]

i do explain i get tools because its a crime of dishonesty i cannot be hired poorer policy. People here aren't very forgiving

♥Mindi

[*Forever Changing*Star|0 likes] [|reply]

52


♥Mindi

[*Forever Changing*Star|0 likes] [|reply]

They never followed up after the last phone call and he hasn't been able to get in touch with anyone there. So I'm assuming nope!!

[Mommy♥f3Star|0 likes] [|reply]

I am taking the summer off, so I can do it for the summer and into the beginning of the fall.

♥Mindi

[*Forever Changing*Star|0 likes] [|reply]

boo

[Patrea|0 likes] [|reply]

love u Bunny...=)

[Patrea|0 likes] [|reply]

i know what you mean...about the not feeling like you want to write...but once you get back into the habit, it really helps! I hope you start writing more again!

[*Stealth Bombshell*|0 likes] [|reply]

previous entry: Melts your heart

next entry: Name/Love/School/Holiday-very long!!

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