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all.is.vanity's Diary
by all.is.vanity

previous entry: .

next entry: All I wanna do is live, no matter how miserable it is.

I bet that you look good on the dancefloor.

08/26/2009

I'm eating chocolate buttons, and they're practically orgasmic.

Closest I'm getting to sex at the moment! Mmm.

Things aren't as terrible as they have been - I've been hanging around Edinburgh at the fringe fest, seen some brilliant shows with my VIP pass - and made friends with a stand-up comedian, which is lovely.

Tomorrow, I'm headed to the Leeds festival with some friends from Newcastle - I'm a little anxious because I had a big fall out with one of the guys - he wants to be with me, and I... like him a lot, but then we got drunk, and all my emotional shit came flooding out and I cussed him out and ran away, and he called and called and called.... and we've talked since then, maturely and soberly. And I decided I'd still go to Leeds, because it makes sense. He said that he's happy to go back to being friends, because he likes hanging out with me, and thinks we'll have a great time and that... the email was very long, twice, and... I believe him. I like hanging out with him, too. After I'd ran off I cried and cried... because I couldn't believe I might never see him again.

I know waiting for Rich is futile - but the amount of guilt I feel just means I'm not ready to get into a relationship just now. Phil gets that - he does. It's just going to be weird seeing him again, but after the initial awkwardness I'm sure we'll fall back into place.

I've also decided that I'm going to go back to school next year to study journalism. It's time to sort my fucking life out!

Rich is doing ok, by the way - he's started meds, so he's a bit... all over the place, to be expected for the first little while. He's in regular counselling and has home visits and all that. His parents said it might be good for me to look for another roommate, but... again, the guilt. I know, it's the right thing to do, but... fuck.

Anyway, I best finish packing for Leeds. Hope everyone is well x

previous entry: .

next entry: All I wanna do is live, no matter how miserable it is.

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I just thought Id let you know I looked at your diary. I'm currently reading choke, I saw you liked it. I like it so far ^_^

[mommy bri.|0 likes] [|reply]

It is okay not to be ready for a relationship yet. There's nothing wrong with that. Nobody says that you have to be ready by a certain point, and nobody is going to chastise you if you are not. Just because you're not ready doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you or with this Phil guy - but I know that you know that. You have to work through things in your own time.

[~*Jodi*~Star|0 likes] [|reply]

sounds like we have familiar aspirations. Journalism is wonderful. I hope that you enjoy it. Do you know where you're going to go yet?

I hope you have a great time in leeds. Totally jealous of the fact you were in Scotland. One day I'm going to get up off my lazy ass and move to somewhere in the UK. I think I'll need to become indapendantly wealthy first though haha

It's find that you're not ready thats to be expected. and no reason to feel guilty- although those words don't help

I'm glad rich is on his meds

*hugs*

[Saoirse|+|SiochainStar|0 likes] [|reply]

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