this and that

11/27/2011

not much to write, got my christmas do tonight for asda, even though its looking more and more likely that hardly anyone will turn up, jenna is ill, bec is ill, mags has a carol concert, and i just get fed up that everyone always lets me down. sigh. was meant to meet bec wednesday for a drink because I really needed someone to talk to - she cancelled an hour beforehand saying she was ill, she was in work the next day though, and has been ill since then - i know she went drinking thurs night though so Im a bit pissed that she could go out then but not go out with me - if she didnt want to go she only needed to say. feeling more and more like Im there to listen to everyone else but nobody seems to want to ever listen to me...and the few people i know i can trust and talk to openly, are never there when i need them. siiiiiiiiiigh.

hmmm what else..college is going ok, quite a lot of work, and I have got a shedload of books to read, none of them are compulsory, but I would like to get carl rogers' book, all the other ones i have are psychology books, which arent exaaaaactly on the course but Im fascinated by it so Im reading it anyway, also ordered an ellen degeneres book, god she's so funny! <3 (not to mention strangely hot for someone of 50 odd!)

still on my weight loss mission, have ordered one of those shake weights online, cant wait for it to come because theyre meant to be brilliant, it was only £11 so its not the end of the world if it turns out to be crap. my aim is to lose half a stone by xmas now so fingers crossed. am walking everywhere I can instead of taking the car so hopefully this is gonna have some kinda effect on me! fed up of being the overweight one and something needs to change STAT!

finally I've officially come out to at least one person xD though Im not sure exactly what as. I dont want to lable myself as Im still not sure. though I'm finding myself less and less attracted to men which is TERRIFYING because I have never felt like that before. hoping it's just because I've lost trust in men lately. i hope.

oooh one more thing. dave finished with tasha, and the other day he tried to get me to get back with him, and i had to tell him no. it was awful and i didn't enjoy it half as much as i imagined i would when we first split up. he kept asking why, and I had to tell him I can't make myself feel what's not there. not my fault he thought the grass was greener on the other side and it turned out not to be. But he did me a favour at the end of the day, and I just hope he realises that I can't go backwards now, I've come so far since March and I've changed a lot. I cannot go backwards.