Kitten & Turtle
So many things have changed for me since beginning this new job. I found a life outside of Michelle. I learned I could be my own person and do my own thing without following her around every where. I found happiness I had lost somewhere along the way. And I found confusion. Mass amounts of confusion. I'm back to a point in my life where I am on the verge of complete and udder bliss. Knowing that at the drop of a nail it could all slip away from me again. He doesn't understand it, why I'm so paranoid and scared. Why it truely is ok for it not to have a name just yet... but then again, he doesn't see that I have to protect the very fragile pieces of my heart. I've been through this over and over again. I want to say this time is different... I want to believe this time things will work... I truely want to believe the sweet things he says to me, but how can I? How can I believe when to many times in the past I've heard things only for them to be used against me later on? All I can do is give it time. But then, how do I protect my heart from loving him and aching for him each moment we are apart? He's mean. He says that himself. I need to focus on that and ignore the wonderful things. Or atleast let those things be less important. So what if he enjoys when we cuddle and play video games? Or if he chose me. YES he truely did. He chose me. I still can't believe it. Will he always chose me though? Who knows. Thats why I MUST always live in the moment. Enjoy each moment as they come. Do not think about the future or plan for the future. Do not compare this relationship to the past. And under no curcumstances allow her to get to me. She is the past. He says so and I know so. So I can't allow my jelousy affect me. I have to be stronger. I have to have control of this situation. I have to have control of ME! So I shall close my eyes and say a quiet thank you for the love he has shown me thus far and will enter into the next day with love and an open mind.
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