There is no such thing as "Mr. Right"

01/01/2009

I just thought that I would say I'm sorry for the cussing and also I'm just going to be writing how I feel so again I'm sorry for the cussing. Let me start from the very beginning, just to get all this shit out of my system... because I just want to forget it :-/ About a month ago my who I thought was the "perfect" boyfriend named bobby broke up with me. what is perfect anyways? I mean it seems as if in all these love stories there are these perfect boyfriends but then you look for them in real life and you think you find them and then all of sudden they say its over.. because they don't know what the fuck they want or because there just flat out trying to figure out what there purpose is. I mean I hate to say this but they always have a reason, weather its dumb or not depends on the guy. anyways sorry to get off subject the bobby break up wasn't really that bad its the "solider break up" from this dude named Justin that was the worse break up I have ever had. let me explain: after bobby broke up with me.. my best friend Shannon invited me to come over for the whole day on Saturday. we had a blast. we watched movies and ate ice cream and I totally got over bobby because of my friend Shannon... on the way home from her house. I got a text on my blackberry saying that I got a new message from a dude named J on myspace. that is all where it started... he pretty much said "hey cutie I just came across your profile, and i aint ever saw anything so beautiful can you add me? and I'd love to talk to you so please reply. thanks a bunch. ya boy, Justin.. " and well after that we just talked and we talked about everything about how many heartbreaks I've had I mean I have been cheated on like 20 times *no joke.* and he told me about how his dad died about a year ago. and he was talking about how happy he was that I was talking to him. and me being me I didn't give him my number because I'm just like that. so, after about 2 days talking to him I finally gave him my number. and well he called me and I was the happiest thing ever. I mean I was playing guitar hero because I love playing a song Idk which one but I was rocking out and I was talking to him. and well it was so funny because I was like talking to him and on the other line there was this sweet deep voice saying all these nice things. and I swear my heart thought "maybe there is a such thing as perfect" and at the time it seemed wayy perfect but then... he got shot because he was trying to protect his friend. that shit was the one of the hardest things I have ever been through. I mean there were so many sleepless nights praying for him. but then he got better. and not to mention that the day after he got shot he ran away. yeah he just left with his hurt body. he was just trying to talk to his dad because honestly he is going crazy without him. and well no body knew where he was but me.. you see I had a feeling in my heart that he was either at his dad's grave or he was at the place that they always hung out when they need to talk to. and he was but his friend Brandon missed him while he was there. and well at the end of the day they found him and he was dead while this girl named Lacie like seriously saved his life. and then we messaged each other on myspace.. and well he was doing everything he could to send me away when well, he said that I was his angel and I took that to heart and so I didn't leave him.. and then we eventually were gud again I mean I really loved him with my whole heart. as much as I want to deny it. I did... and well then after this happened he got a letter in the mail about him getting shipped out to Iraq to be in the marines. well he thought that would hurt me even more because honestly I didn't see him enough. and well if he would like thousands of miles away then I definitely wouldn't be able to see him. but still I didn't leave and I told him that I would wait for him forever<3 and he believed me so the day that he left he called me and well we talked for a gud long while and then he had to leave so we said our goodbyes and i love you's. and he was on his way for NC to train for a while. and while he was down there his friend and I kinda got into it because well he treated me and treated Justin. so i flipped the story back on this dude that treated me named mike and him and justin fought and he said something about his dead dad and well that wasn't kewl. But I was so glad that I made him promise that he wouldn't kill him because he was about to. and so after that we talked every night. and then well... he left for Iraq and well the day he left for Iraq or NC I cant remember.. his friend lacie came out and met me and gave me his favorite Hollister shirt and a heart necklace. and we wont talk about lacie because that's another story.. :) but anyways I cried and it was absolutely amazing. and soo cute and he wrote me a letter saying how lucky he is to have his angel. and stuff like that. and then about 2 weeks later I got another letter from lacie from him and it was so kute telling me how much he missed me and stuff... well that's the history thought he was "Mr. Right" but then well... he got shot in Iraq and well lied about everything. and that shit hurt like fuck! not to mention at the end he didn't tell me the truth I found out thru lacie. and then he came clean about everything and well... he broke up with me. because of the fact that he was in IRAQ and that he didn't want a girlfriend and he just kept thinking about his dad but, if he were to want a girlfriend I would be the first one he would call.. and that he still loves me and so I didn't cry and well... ONE FUCKING DAY went by and everything changed. he totally flipped out and put pics of his ex gf and her best friend making out on his myspace. and then he put the picture that was my fav of him as his default. and lied about being home. and I was so fucking mad I was shaking.. and I was screaming and cussing to Lacie. and then he called and I str8 told him how I feel and telling me well I told you that I wasn't over my gf and I mean I was fucking heated. and then I got soft on him because hes ex gf has been there thru everything when his dad died and stuff but then he was drunk at the same time but honestly he just SHATTERED MY HEART! this was the most hardest break up I have ever gone thru EVER! so in the end... I hope hes fucking happy with her because honestly I wont ever be happy with him again. and I hope he has all the fun in the world. because I'm going to have the good clean fun. :) so I'm keeping my head up high and realizing that there is no such thing as "Mr. Right"