Do You Know Who I Am??

Today the service coordinator came to my home to talk to me about the results from my son's interactions with the people that came here the other day in order to see what was up with his speech delays. I already knew most of what she said because the people that came here previously basically laid it out for me, so today I basically signed a lot of paperwork. She asked me about me and my son and our lives, how we were living, what the situation was... why we left Maryland and moved here to Ohio. I basically told her my story, and she said she as going to do whatever she could to help me.

She called the main wellfare office, called several other people and said that if even if it was the last thing we did, we would get me all the help and assistance available. I just cried and cried... thanked her and cried some more. She said not to worry about being emotional... that she doesn't know many adults that can handle what I've gone through and still remain as calm and put together as I am. She said she's never seen someone as strong as I am, and she was shocked and impressed because at 22 I've dealt with what I've been given with such responsibility and strength. I wish she really knew how broken up I really am. I wish she really knew how much this hurts. All of it. I wish she really knew that inside, I feel like a failure. My parents prefer me here and they don't want to visit for Christmas because they've all made other plans... my 3 year boyfriend and adoptive father to my son is leaving me right before Christmas, my son is having speech delays and I can't afford to buy milk. I have absolutely nothing in my fridge so I've been giving my son PB&J sandwiches, water and vitamins. I wish she knew how much of a failure I really am and how much it kills me. I guess that's why I cried. I cried because someone gave me respects for trying so hard and someone said they wanted to help ME. I didn't have to bribe anyone or give anything away in order for her to help me. She wanted to help me. She got on my phone and said we are going to take care of this TODAY. And its a relief because nobody seems to share in my problems.. like Eric says that I overreact and dwell on everything, my grandmother always tells me to hold out for one more day, my father doesn't want to talk about it and hangs up the phone and my mother doesn't have the time. Finally... someone feels bad for me. I never wanted pity, I never wanted attention.. I just wanted someone to care. Finally!