Not Logged In
0
Your Username:
Your Password:

[ sign up | recover ]

Shadows Of Fantasia........
by I Fear Who I Am Beco

previous entry: Dis eases and Lies.

next entry: hypocrisy vs. weakness.

Heartfelt.

09/09/2018

Lord Jesus, You have showed me so much mercy. Time and time again I have been delivered and given another chance to do the right thing and time and time again I failed You. I am confused by the things that have happened to my body, they are not physically possible and yet here I am. I am confused by the people who tell me that we purposely ate wrong all our lives, and exposed ourselves to dangerous chemicals and toxins ( that part I get ) and thats why this is happening. But it all boils down to not following YOU. I am confused by the warnings that seem to NOT be in the Bible about the serious evil that is in this world. I used to rationalize it by saying if we followed your principles we wouldnt have gotten into the things we did and maybe that is true. Then I see those who claimed to and I believe have to the best of their ability followed You and Your ways and they still are being afflicted or worse yet ran to doctors and got medicine that seemed to cure t hem for a time, or took our symptoms away then we became dependant on THEM to live instead of You. Because if we depend on You 1 of 2 things is going to happen ( as I see it ) 1. You will heal and deliver and protect regardless. 2. We will die in pain and agony and go to be with You. I have fallen short on almost every point of Your principles and broken almost all of your laws. I am truly sorry. I am overwhelmed in body mind soul and spirit by this life, and ( in my mind ) am possibly the most broken/tormented person I know. I am truly repentant and want to turn from all wickedness of thought and heart and action. I am so sorry for not living up to what You asked of me. I am so sorry that I have not applied YOUR TRUTHS to my LIFE. Now I find myself unable to tell the difference between what You say is true, and the fears that come upon me, because I know those can become real and yet sometimes they are also the truth. Your word seperates those apart and I ask You humbly to do that for me, Jesus and help me to know what to do that is in my power. You are the author of my faith as a child, and You will be the finisher of it. Yet there is much in Your word that is just not there. Technology for one. You know what I mean by that, so I will not lay it out here. Morgellons, disease, etc. I do see those not being AS tormented who did not do the drugs I did, and expose myself to things that I should not have. BUT, You dont warn us not to go to doctors and the damaging effects of their medicines on us. I know that Sorcery really means Pharmaceutiki aka pharmaceuticals but we cant all be greek scholors Lord. I dont know what I can possibly do to save myself or my family or others from the harsh reality that has been happening around me since birth and I was unaware. Please forgive my blinded heart and eyes. Please restore me Father to my origional created value so that I can serve you no matter what. YOU ARE THE GREAT PHYSICIAN, AND I AM POURING MY HEART OUT TO YOU FOR RESTORATION OF MIND BODY SOUL AND SPIRIT RIGHT NOW I HUMBLY AS A WORM COME BEFORE YOU IN THE NAME OF YOUR SON YESHUA WHO YOU SENT FOR OUR SINS. Or Jesus as I know Him. The unveiling of Christ began years ago and I did what I wanted to do and walked in MY ways instead of Yours most Holy God. Forgive me Father. I come to You not just as a worm but as the little girl who seemed to have been attacked from birth, beset by sorrow and wounds that wouldnt heal inside and I come to you as that child asking forgiveness for myself and all generational lines and curses that have come upon me through others actions or my own. I ask You to not allow curses from my mouth, thoughts words or actions to come upon my son, and that You forgive the words I have spoken over him that would mean death. I am not more powerful than you and I ask you to override all curses and deceptions that are upon us, and to please cleanse us by the blood of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. I submit to you heavenly Father, and I right now resist the devil and you say he has to flee from me. This Morgellons Lyme crap, its all the same thing leading up to a terrible end for Your creation Father. PLEASE SAVE US. Even me. Even now. I beg of You Father God forgive me for where I have caused others to stumble and fall, and for hurting anyone EVER, I beg Your forgiveness and restoration. I cannot offer You ANYTHING good from this flesh, so I am asking You to remember me when you come back, REMEMBER ME, as the little girl who was hurt and sorrowed and bowed down by many griefs, and not as the one who lived the past 15 years in sin. I beg you Father God with tears, with sorrow of heart and with ALL THAT IS WITHIN ME TO RESTORE what the enemy has killed and broken and destroyed and devoured. I ask You to rebuke the devourer over my life and my family for Your own glory because I want to serve you. I want to help heal where hands have hurt, and bring life where death was sowed. Beginning with me Jesus, do Your kingdom work I pray. I ask. I am begging you on my face, and yet standing before You as your daughter, asking Father God DO THIS THAT I HAVE ASKED. And whatever more you need to do. I have lived for the devil unknowingly ( alot of it ), and now I choose to turn my heart back to You. To love the Lord my God with all my heart mind soul and strength. I am not perfect, in fact I may be worse than most, but I see that You say I am loved. So with the last bit of strength in the realeast part of who You created me to be I am asking for Your will to be done, and that it be for my good. And the good of others, and Your kingdom. I hvae much more to say to You but this is as far as I can go right now. I love you. I want to be taught by You as a babe even, if necessary. Do what You have to do to make me who You want me to be. And please take these fears that You want to hurt me or that others do, and turn them into victory. You have seen my failures God. Now I want you to see my victories, and to You be the glory. In Jesus name, Amen. <3

previous entry: Dis eases and Lies.

next entry: hypocrisy vs. weakness.

0 comments

[ add comment ]

Add Comment

Add Comment

Please enter the following WHITE digits in the box below.

Confirmation Code

No comments.