so i officiallly feel disgusting right now....T-T

09/26/2013

before i get started, some backstory to lay the foundation of my complaint: earlier today matthew and i took a shower together. i tried to get him to let me go down on him, but he kept refusing me. didn't wanna touch me at all. so ALL we did was shower. now: a few minutes ago, our housemate brought out a few new playboys she brought home from work. one was italian girls. mind you, my husband is about half italian. he made such a bigg deal about her "getting robbed of that magazine" and actually made it a point to look at me and go "i'm sorry baby, i love you, but they're italian girls. its my heritage." and he just kept harping on how the italian girls in that magazine were so hot and our housemate (amanda) was getting robbed as soon as she was done looking at it. after being straight up rejected earlier, that really hurt. its like, am i not attractive to you anymore? i mean, i know he looks at porn a lot, and i know he does it more than i think he does, but he knows it makes me uncomfortable just talking about it let alone doing what he did. he made me feel like i am fat and ugly and disgusting to him. like he doesnt even want me. i mean, after getting basically rejected earlier WHILE i was completely and totally newborn baby naked in front of him earlier, and now him making it a point to let me know he WANTS to look at beautiful naked "italian" women, wtf am i supposed to think?? he doesnt wanna look at me and obviously doesnt wanna touch me, but he will look at AND GET ENJOYMENT from a size four skinny bitch with long hair and fake tits. i dont know whether to cry or get pissed right now. although it feels like crying just might win out until i see his face. fucker. if he thinks he is getting laid tonite he is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WRONG. i dont want to be touched anymore. he can fuck off and gtfo.