i try my absolute hardest. he sleeps all day and stays up all night playing his stupid game. i try to stay up with him to spend a few minutes with him, but he is so focused on the game he plays every single night to even notice. it is now 1:30 in the morning and i have to leave for work in about ten hours. when do get up he will most likely just be getting to sleep, and will still be sleeping when i get home tomorrow. then i will stay up as long as i possibly can uuntil i feel like im gonna pass outu (much like i do everyy night) and sit here, almost completely ignored, just on the off chance he changes up his routine and spends some time with me. even on my days off i dont spend them with him. hes always sleeping when im awake and vice versa. going to bed alone every night is really starting to break my heart. the fact that he would rather play with people he can see anytime rather than laying next to his wife is depressing. i just wanna cry. but my two girlfriends and i go to a country bar right up the street every saturday night, and i keep trying to get him to go. even then he won't spend time with me. i feel liike an accessory. one that he picks up whenever he feels it fits his style. since when is a wife an ornament? i havent spent two hours total with him in the last week. im not asking to monopolize his time, i just want to be more important than a game. something that can so easily be broken with enough force. kinda like me actually. every night i break a little more. yet every time i try to ask him about it (on the rare occasion he is not glued to the screen and we are both awake) it results in him getting real pissed off and us fighting about it. no matter how i breach the subject it can never be discussed. not like adults anyways. and it breaks my heart. eventually i will be to broken to be put back together. i just dont know how long that will be. it seems like it will happen fairly soon actually. but i don't want to tell him because he thinks i am fine with everything and i dont want to show just how weak i really am. i dont like to show weakness to anyone for any reason, but sometimes i just need to vent a bit. and this is how i do it. i cant seem to talk to anyone else around me because no one else but one person might understand or even care, and she has enough problems to deal with. i dont want to cause her more frustrations. its not worth it. so i bottle it all inside and write it here. it helps a tiny bit but not much. i just wish we could be together more. is it really that hard to accomplish? i dont want money from him or things or anything like that. just his time. some of it. just some of it. not asking for his days to revolve around me, although my world revolves around him. i just want to know he still wants me for something more than the sex. 
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